5 Necessities That Are Mistaken for Luxuries

Implement a few changes to transform your quality of life

Money made me nervous. I complained that I didn’t have enough, felt constantly underpaid, but I also didn’t take the time to appreciate the things I spent my money on. I would be broke at the end of every month and I would have nothing to show for it.

When I quit my job to be with my son, I briefly felt worse about money because it was no longer my own I was spending, it was my husband’s. I felt guilty about buying anything and I couldn’t get used to the idea of sharing a portion of someone else’s salary.

It made me think about the essentials, what I needed, and what I could do without.

Having the time to reflect on what I really want out of life made me feel nervous about the future when in actual fact I should’ve been excited. It’s then I realised something in me had to change.

I decided to focus on my mental health, starting with gratitude. I deliberately make the point of being thankful every day for everything I have, to the point I would silently thank the universe every time I spent money on anything, no matter how small.

I became super aware of my spending, only buying the essentials for the family to help me figure out what I really wanted. I cleared out my wardrobe, decluttered the house of all stuff we no longer needed, and re-evaluated my relationship with money and things.

My outlook on money shifted.

I started to see spending as an investment in my own life. My own experiences. My priority is happiness, so whatever will enable and boost all good feelings within me, I see as a good expense (within reason, of course).

My attitude went from mindlessly thinking “I like it, I’m getting it”, to asking myself “I like the idea of this, how much joy would this bring me/my family, and for how long?”

Here are 5 things I have concluded to be more important than we think to keep our happy levels high, regardless of our financial situation — assuming first that we are conscious spenders and generally good with money.

The Hotel Bed

I’m an “8-hours-per-night” kind of sleeper. I don’t function if I don’t have enough sleep, which was very bad for any company I kept when I was extremely sleep deprived when my son was born. Poor Hubby.

The old bed had a dip in the mattress, caused probably by my pregnant bump. The dip remained after I shifted the pregnancy fat and my back was then forced to sleep in an unnatural position. I more often than not ended up sleeping on the sofa or the spare bed because I was so uncomfortable, and the whole night was made more challenging by a regularly waking newborn. It was just horrendous.

Sleeping became something I did not look forward to, so I decided to look for a new bed.

It wasn’t overly expensive, but it did cut into our bank accounts and we are still paying for it today, nearly a year later (interest-free loan). My husband did not see this as a priority before because he didn’t sleep much, working well into the night. Less than a year after getting this new bed, he sleeps a solid 6 hours each night and he sleeps comfortably.

Coincidence? I think not.

Joking aside, the quality of sleep directly affects your mood, so it only makes sense to set a good mood foundation by at least giving yourself a good night’s rest, and thus giving you a chance to feel good during your awake times. Agree?

Your Drink Consumption

I got excited when I started talking to my friend about the new coffee machine she has. I’ve been considering buying a new one too.

I LOVE my morning coffee. Wouldn’t live without it.

I’m extremely appreciative of the machine we have. It’s a branded pod one, but very cheap compared to what’s out there. I’ve been thinking about upgrading because I want to also upgrade my experience. If I can nail the coffee shop experience while at home first thing in the morning and mid-afternoon, then I can truly embrace those moments. Coffee isn’t just a quick fix to get me through the day, but something I look forward to. A mood setter. The taste of it makes me feel good.

What’s your favourite drink and is there a better quality version of it that you could include in your daily life to make that experience that much better?

I honestly think including small luxuries in our day-to-day lives would increase our feeling of success within it. If not daily, at least weekly, splash out on a really nice drink.

Home

There will be no greater investment than the place you spend most of your time in. My home is the place to be fully myself comfortably, so it’s important to provide the tools to enable this. If you don’t like or feel good at home, then I’d strongly consider making some changes.

I’ve always kept my spaces clean and tidy — at uni, in our first apartment, in our home now. Don’t get me wrong — I have a tornado toddler and it gets messy, but overall it’s not out of control. As long as it’s manageable, I feel good.

I invest my time in keeping our home clean and tidy because it brings me inner peace to the rest of my life. It makes me take a quick look at it before I go to bed every night and think “ahhh, I love my home”.

We spent money on a good TV 7 years ago because we took entertainment seriously. We still have the same smart TV as we did then because it’s a damn good TV.

We spent on a good couch 4 years ago and it is still better than what’s out there for the same price.

What’s important in your home? Do you have a favourite spot? Decorate it, put some photos on the wall, buy a nice chair for the room — something that gives you a good feeling every time you see it.

Food

I may go to the cheaper superstores to do my main food shop — but there's a secret there — they sell good quality food. And now and again I go to a fancier shop and buy fine steaks, burgers, sushi, and other fresh produce.

You literally are what you eat, and I refuse to consume crap food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Now, I’m still a chocolate addict, but I eat good quality chocolate.

On a serious note, if you aren’t going to make healthy choices and still eat fast food, make at least one of your daily meals healthy. That’s my rule. I allow myself the odd Subway or the odd Fish & Chips (I embrace some British traditions) but I will compensate them with lighter and healthier choices for the rest of the day.

Body Treatments

I used to bite the skin around my nails to the point my fingers would bleed — that’s how nervous of a child I was. My mother would put products prescribed by the doctor to help them heal hoping the taste would also deter me from biting them, to no avail. It wasn’t until I was a teenager I stuck to biting nails only and left the skin alone.

Then, I got my nails done for my wedding and couldn’t believe how good I felt about myself. I made this into a habit as a way to control that nervous tick. I have been getting my nails done every 3 weeks since. It’s my way of saying no to anxiety because I can no longer display to the world the physical sign of it.

Even when I stopped working and started to live solely off my husband’s earnings I still got my nails done and he understands what that means to me.

It’s my way of treating my body, and thus myself, with respect.

You may have other habits to look after your physical self — like buying nice lotions, an electric toothbrush, or great hair products. Think about what you feel you deserve and aim for it. It may be a haircut in Toni&Guy, a spa treatment once a month, anything that boosts your happiness.

The Bare Necessities

When times are tough and the rent is high, saving is difficult, but we also need to live. Investing wouldn’t be in your radar if you’re scraping pennies at the end of the month, trying to make things work.

I argue there are things you should consider priorities regardless because they would make your life that much more comfortable even when you’re not doing all that well financially.

We aren’t in this world to make ends meet for the entirety of our lives — that shouldn’t be our goal and it is unfair that millions live like this. We aim to live happily, to feel good, so let’s enable more of that goodness into our lives even if that cuts into our pockets, now. The key is to be happy now.

Even if you are living tightly because you are aiming for it to pay off in the future, don’t deprive yourself of all the things that would make life better daily. Work out a balance that helps you achieve both happiness now and in the future.

I prioritise my expenses in such a way that makes me feel like I am living well despite not being rich. Daily experiences are just as important for your mental well-being as the extraordinary ones because we are supposed to feel good all the time. I don't just look forward to holidays and weekends, career achievements and promotions, I enjoy every moment of each day, including the most mundane activities.

What’s more — you deserve to enjoy each moment of each day. Is there anything you'd like more of in your day-to-day life to help you feel good? Is there anything you already allow yourself to have, but maybe don’t acknowledge its importance?

Implement into your life good daily experiences to outweigh the more stressful, negative ones.

Be kind to yourself.

Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, motherhood, and pro-race. See more work like this.