5 Mindset Shifts To Help You Not Take Everything Personally

Change your perspective

We all have below-the-belt moments.

Someone will do or say something that will send us into an emotional spin. We will want to throw an equally sharp dagger at them to get even, or as an attempt to soothe the hurt they just inflicted.

But, hard as it is to accept, what most people say or do is rarely about us.

People who do or say hurtful things, act defensive, are looking for ways to lessen their pain, by hurting you.

Yes, some are deliberate in their planning and execution, but they are not the majority. And no, I don’t mean you turn the other cheek, although that’s an option.

Protect yourself by calling them out, walking away or doing what you need to do for your safety. But don’t carry around vitriol handed to you by another person. Shake it off and move on.

But that is easier said than done. Try this;

Change Your Perspective

How we interpret words and actions directed at us depends on our narratives. If what we tell ourselves is self-critical, we assume bad intentions from others — by default.

The opposite is true. A healthy self-image sees good intentions in others, first. It doesn’t mean everyone means well, but with a healthy narrative, you will be more discerning, less paranoid.

Remember this — few people spend sleepless nights thinking about you. Even fewer wake up in the morning planning what they are going to say or do to make your life difficult.

They are too preoccupied with their lives to pay extended attention to yours. Sometimes, this preoccupation will spill over and rub you the wrong way.

Change your perspective and save yourself time and mental space.

Get out of your head a little

We cannot dismiss the benefits of self-reflection. If the majority of the population were self-reflective, most conflicts would never begin.

But there is something to be said about too much introspection. The kind that leads to the rabbit hole of why and more why about the previous why.

We may lose sight of what is happening around us when we are too deep in our heads.

We start to assume we know how the world should run. Only the world and the rest of the people did not get the memo.

We will get offended when someone says or acts in a way that is contrary to our thought process. We interpret it as disrespectful or ignorant.

People are not perfect. While it would be lovely to have everyone understand our way of thinking, it is more effective to understand theirs first.

When they act in ways we find intolerable — we remember they are not in our heads.

Laugh at yourself

You will mess up. You will trip and fall. You will crack a joke and get blank stares in return.

Resist the need to condemn yourself and worry about what someone thought of you.

That does not make it less embarrassing. Still, laugh at yourself.

Tell yourself, “That was clumsy” and smile. Or, “I need to be more careful with what I say, but oh well.”

That is different from beating yourself up with,

“I am such a clumsy person. I can’t even look where I am going!” or “What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have said that. That person will never respect me.”

Relax. You will be fine.

Pick a skill or an interest you can be good at

Action boosts confidence. Pick a skill, or a hobby and pour yourself into it. Your levels of joy and confidence will rise.

Give your mind something healthy to engage it. It’s hard to dwell on the comments of a mean boss or a critical colleague, friend or partner when you have something interesting to occupy your mind.

Instead of spending your precious evening wishing they choke on their food, or a bird poops on their nose, engage in something more pleasant. That will take away all the trivial sadistic musings we entertain when we are feeling small.

There is no worse feeling than we are no good at anything. We become self-conscious. When others talk about their progress, it pricks at our inadequacy. We may dislike or blame them for how we are feeling.

But people, save for a few braggarts, are just making conversation. They want to connect, not to put you down.

When you take action, no matter how slight towards learning or participating in a skill or task, your self defeating attitude to people’s statements and comments ceases.

What you choose to do or work on doesn’t have to be public. It only needs to add joy to your life — like journaling, volunteering, cooking, or anything else.

Detach from your opinions

Have opinions and where required, share them. But hold them loosely. Be willing to let go of them.

If someone disagrees with you, that doesn’t make you a disagreeable person.

The ability to welcome different opinions is a mark of confidence and humility.

To sum up

We want others to agree with us and understand our way of thinking. When they don’t, we feel rejected. But we can’t be in sync with all people at all times.

Learning to accept this is imperative. And we do this by changing our perspective, getting out of our head, engaging our minds in a skill or interest, laughing at ourselves, and holding our opinions loosely.