5 Love Languages: What Is Yours? The Secret to Long-Lasting Love

Take the quiz to know your love language.

People have different personalities, as such give and receive love in different ways.

Gary Chapman wrote the best-selling book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

After years as a counselor, Gary was seeing couples who were having issues around connection.

After looking deeper into this disconnect Gary started noticing various patterns of miscommunication. Garry identified 5 ways in which people gave and received love.

When couples communicated their love in the way that their partner wanted to receive love, their relationship deepened. When couples communicated love that wasn’t being received by their partner, they were left feeling frustrated and disconnected.

Identify your love language and watch your relationship deepen and transform.

Lost in Translation — What Are the 5 Love Languages?

These are ways you communicate your love to your partner.

1. Words of affirmation

This is where your primary language of love is communicated verbally. You acknowledge and express love to your partner through words of affection, compliments, and verbal encouragement. For example, you may like to receive a lot of “I love you’s” throughout the day, receiving love notes, and words of encouragement. Words of affirmation also include showing affection via social media and texting your loved one.

2. Quality time

This is your love language if you like receiving and giving undivided with and from your partner. This includes active listening, eye contact, and being fully present with your partner. Expressions of love would include nights together, doing activities together, or meaningful one-on-one conversations.

3. Receiving gifts

You feel loved by your partner when they give you gifts. The focus isn’t on the monetary value of the gift. The gift is a symbolic representation of the thought behind the gift. It shows you that your partner has taken the time, energy, and thought into giving you that particular gift. You appreciate the whole process behind gift-giving. The focus is to receive or give a gift that is meaningful to the receiver.

My partner bought me a selfie stick several years ago. It was one of the first gifts she bought me. I don’t take a selfie and have no interest in selfies. She likes taking these types of pictures. I explained, in a nice way, how I don’t have any interest in taking pictures of myself. Her next gift for me was a framed picture of my yoga and meditation teacher who had recently passed away. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received.

4. Acts of service

This love language focus on if you like your partner doing “acts of service” for you. That is your partner does things for you that you like. You like your partner serve as an expression of their love.

These acts of service include cooking a meal, picking up the kids from school, paying the bills, walking the dog, fill up their water bottles. Such acts include time and effort on the part of the giver.

These are not demands you can place on your partner.

Actions speak louder than words.

5. Physical touch

This would be your love language if you like to receive love through a physical connection. This could be from kisses, hugs, holding hands, cuddling and sex.

Physical connection is what drives intimacy in a relationship for you. You derive a feeling of warmth, comfort, and security through these physical interactions with your partner.

If this is your love language your parents may have held, kissed, and hugged you a lot when you were young.

To Find Your Love Language — Quiz time

You may like to receive love in all these methods mentioned above. However, there is one way, in particular, that is the most effective.

Number the below questions from 8 (most liked) to 1 (least liked.) Add the points together for each of the 5 sections. The section with the highest number of points is your preferred love language.

Words of Affirmation

Q1. You like hearing your partner say “I love you.”

Q2. You appreciate being acknowledged and praised.

Quality Time

Q3. You like to spend uninterrupted time with your partner.

Q4. Creating memories and special moments together is super important.

Acts of Services

Q5. You feel taken care of when your partner does little chores or tasks for you.

Q6. You think actions speak louder than words.

Gifts

Q7. You feel loved when you receive a gift.

Q8. After a date or trip, it’s special to take home a memento. The item reminds you of sentimental moments.

Touch

Q.9 You look forward to hugs, cuddles, and kisses.

Q10. Public displays of affection make you feel desired and wanted.

Ways to Implement

There are a couple of ways to start your journey of improving your communication and intimacy in your relationship using the love languages:

1. Quiz — Sit down with your partner and complete the quiz together. Then share what is your preferred love language.

2. Gratitude — when your partner does something for you that is your love language take note. That is to show immense gratitude for what they have done for you. This may be a verbal recognition at the time. Or at a quiet time thank them for what they have done and tell them how you felt at the time.

You can think that what is important to you, is also equally important to your partner. But that is not the case.

What you think is an important way to show love, may not be reciprocated.

Your partner may be trying hard and think they are doing a great job showing they love you by taking out the bins each week or mowing the lawns. But if you love language is physical touch you may be left feeling isolated and unloved.

If unresolved your relationships will be fractured. You will be both left feelings frustrated as you both felt as though you are being hard done by your partner.

Knowing your love language empowers you and your partner. You are now to communicate and connect in an effective way that will be received by your partner.

Please leave a comment below. What is your love language? What was the outcome of sharing this with your partner? Has your relationship improved as a consequence?

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