5 Things That People in Their 20s Should Know

A small perspective shift that leads to major life changes

Being 20s can be a very confusing time for most. I am still halfway in the journey, but I’ve made more mistakes in the past 2–3 years than I did in all the previous years combined.

In the 20s, I suddenly have to answer questions that I am not sure I can answer even when I am already in the 40s or 50s — questions like ‘What is your passion?’ or ‘What are you going to do in your life?’.

Looking back at my past answer, I don’t think there could be an alternative scenario where I could come up with the right answer. Maybe failing to come up with the right answer was the right answer. Or maybe those questions are not even valid questions to answer at all, I can not be sure.

When I try to sum up the lessons that I’ve learned, it does feel wrong to romanticize my past mistakes as a tool for my self-growth, but every lesson that I learn in my 20s coincidentally has been a product of past missed steps or immature decisions. So here are the lessons that have helped me to go through the journey of being 20s.

1. Never give yourself the permission to doubt your chance

The 20s is your first step toward adulthood, and some will judge your future performance as an adult based on how well you are doing this first step. It’s a faulty way of thinking to pull up a fixed conclusion based on such little information, but you will be surprised at how many people actually do it.

It can get discouraging to try further when people give the verdict that you are incapable of achieving something.

That’s why one common thing that most 20s learn is to build confidence in themselves: to develop the belief that ‘only I should never lose hope at my own chance to achieve what I want’.

Everyone else can jump the imaginary ship of your future if they think it is not promising. But the only thing you should never tolerate is when you want to follow the pack and jump the ship too.

Once you stop believing, you will also stop trying. And then it will not matter if you actually have a big or small chance of achieving anything — because by then you have stopped trying.

When others believe you have failed, it is just a social opinion. But once you believe you have failed, it becomes reality.

They did not know it was impossible so they did it

— Mark Twain

Reality can be subjective, so give yourself permission to be ignorant of what the world says about your life, and choose the version of the truth that will empower you.

This is your life, so you have the responsibility to take your hope a step further even when everyone else has stopped.

2. This is the time to question your old beliefs

When we were little, we have adopted a set of beliefs that help us to make sense of how to navigate the world. Beliefs like:

• We are special and we are predestined to achieve a bright future
• We could avoid mistakes if we become extremely cautious about our decision
• We could have a pleasant relationship with everyone by being agreeable

Back then we lived in a simplified version of the real world where we had a lot of control over our world. In our childhood, we rarely faced uncertainty with high risk at stake, rarely were forced to do something we didn’t like, and we rarely did mistakes on a spectacular scale. In that simplified world, those old beliefs served as an efficient enough tool to navigate the world.

But once we step into adulthood, we should switch those beliefs for the one that better matches our new world. The beliefs that say:

• A lot of people, including you, believe they are born special, and that should not be a strong enough reason for you to believe you are one. Instead, work your way to be special.
• Uncertainty and mistakes are inevitable. Trying to avoid it will only bring suffering, so it’s better to start getting comfortable with them.
• Healthy personal relationships are not built on top of agreeableness but on top of a well-developed autonomy — where you respect your own boundary and allow conflict when it is necessary.

An informed decision-making process is developed by learning new beliefs, but also by recognizing and stripping old beliefs that no longer work.

3. Choose to do what’s hard

Being 20s is the time to build your life ethics and habits that you will carry for a long time, and prioritizing your future selves often means going against your immediate impulses.

It is very tempting to be right, to win, and be superior for a short moment of time, but sometimes building the right ethics and mindset means surrendering your dream for small wins and gains in your 20s.

• We might want to know the answers to everything, but knowing the answers will stop you from searching for knowledge.
• We might want to be the best, but it also means choosing the path that others have chosen and also learning the skills that others have learned.
• We might become stubborn to always be the right one, but in the process we will also maintain false beliefs that no longer serve their purpose.

Sell your cleverness, and buy bewilderment

— Rumi

4. Improve your perception of other people

In the 20s, we are filled with passion — we love people passionately, and we also hate people passionately.

This way of looking at people can be too one-sided. We judge our teachers as incompetent while also see our idolized figures as people without flaws.

In reality, people can never be too good or too bad. People are just people. Our perception can be so easily influenced by social reputation, and social reputation can be so distorted far away from the truth.

It’s time to develop a more sober perspective on how we see people. Doing so will help you create a more objective judgment in the future.

Seeing people as two sides of a coin helps you to see them more objectively.

• When you idolize someone, it means you forget to see their dark side.
• When you antagonize someone, it means you forget to see their bright side.

What’s interesting is, that people’s dark side comes from the same internal feeling that produces their good side. For example, pessimistic people can be hard to deal with when they constantly shoot down your idea, but the same trait also makes them good planners who anticipate all the worst-case scenarios.

5. Be patient — every life has its own timing

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished

— Lao Tzu

Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook when he was 19, while Charles Flint founded IBM when he was 61.

The time of success for everyone varies greatly. A list of Forbes’ top 100 self-starting founders shows that most founders started their companies at 35 years old. Yet, the same resource also mentioned how people at age of 25s are often the most anxious of their peer success as they freshly graduated college with high pressure from family and social group.

The 20s are the age when the tendency to compare our lives with other people is high. Some people felt they are left behind; while some felt like they are ahead of the game. The only constant thing is change — that life is full of surprises and it does not work in a linear predictable way.

There is no correct time to do anything — just your own time where the right things happen at the right time. Be patient and focus on your craft.