5 Highly Effective Conversational Skills That Make People Like You

How can I impress someone with just a few sentences? The master of psychology Edward de Bono asserts that you can.

Like many of you, I don’t have the natural charisma that attracts people when they talk to me. For years, I’ve been struggling with communication skills. I felt like people got bored after they talked to me for a while, and being an introvert person made it even more challenging for me to change.

Fortunately, I read many books, watched tons of videos and advice from my mentors, I found the one common thing in all of those was that communication skill could be enhanced over time. Knowing that idea, I set a goal for myself to improve my communication skills.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” — Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

It is in conversations or discussions, debates that other people can see the expression of your beautiful mind. In “ How To Have A Beautiful Mind” Edward de Bono points out skills that are “invisible” but greatly affect the effectiveness of the conversation. I followed his principles and it actually worked. I saw that people were more engaged in the conversation. They were more open and share their ideas, their thoughts.

It goes without saying that learning a new skill takes time, don’t expect that you will become a likable speaker overnight. If I can do it, you can also do it even better than me. Here is what I did:

1. Silently “Map” The Conversation

The intelligent communicators never “get lost” in the conversation, they consciously analyze, diagram the contents, and lead the conversation skillfully. More specifically, this skill includes: defining the focus and purpose of discussion, recognize when people are “off-topic”, change the topic when things become less interesting.

There are two reasons why the conversation is so boring. First, no one has anything else to say about the topic. Second, the content is so cliché. That’s when a smart person plays his or her role.

If you can stop the exhausting discussion and start over in a new way, this would be much better. By doing so people don’t feel the discussion has completely failed.

2. Say “Disagree” But Still Make People Happy

Although the word “Disagree” is not very sweet, it is necessary to acknowledge the truth and to discover the problems objectively and comprehensively.

First, it should be polite. Instead of saying “That’s completely wrong”, say “That’s not the only point of view on this issue”. Instead of saying, “Your argument is not logical at all,” replace it with “There may be another way of looking at this problem.

Another tip Edward de Bono offers in the book is the “partial agreement” technique. Look for specific cases that match the perspective of the others, and then indicate that you can only agree on those specific cases.

“There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees” — Michel de Montaigne

For example, you might disagree with the comment, “Women are often superstitious, believe in divination more than men.” But instead of immediately saying “disagree”, try thinking and pointing out specific situations where this comment may be true.

For example, in the past, when women often had no control over their lives, they might become more reliant in gods than men. Identifying a situation where you “partially agree” and express your own perspective which makes others feel respected.

3. Smart Interruption

I think that interrupting is an impolite action that can sometimes cut into other people’s ideas. In general, interrupting is not recommended. However, there are cases where it is needed. For example, if someone is talking continuously, you need to show them that the dialogue must be carried out in two directions.

I find It’s hard to show the expression that you’re losing patience and not seem to be rude. You can try to interrupt in a tentative manner, indicating that you want to say “Yes …” , “But …”, “I think …”

For me, it is also possible to interrupt when you ask questions or if there is a mistake in the information or arguments of the other speaker. If the wrong spot is small and not important then you should skip it and not interrupt to correct it. But if the wrong point is important for the discussion, you can’t ignore it, you need to interrupt, but be polite.

In addition, interrupting to help expand ideas or information is encouraged. This is a very good way of getting affection. You can tell some personal experience with additional statistics. However, if interrupting and talking for too long, you can ruin the idea of the other, remember moderation is the key factor.

4. Use The Sense of Humor

A little humor can make a deep impression. The sense of humor eases the problem, increases the interest of the conversation, and saves a boring conversation. This is the technique I like the most. Everybody love humor, they like to laugh and be happy. My friends like my sense of humor a lot. If you make people laugh, you definitely become more friendly and amiable in their eyes.

For example, if a supervisor has a micromanagement style, you can tell that he even wants to know the amount of time people fill up gas for cars. Of course, no one would believe it, but this statement is more than twice as effective as a serious comment.

“The sense of humor is the oil of life’s engine. Without it, the machinery creaks and groans. No lot is so hard, no aspect of things is so grim, but it relaxes before a hearty laugh.” — G.S. Merriam

5. Debate In An Interesting Manner Without Knowing All Of It

Finally, this relates to the acquired information and knowledge of a person when arguing. How much information do you need to join a conversation? What kind of information do you need before entering a discussion?

A good communicator is capable of turning the situation, making a discussion always exciting from all sorts of information.

“Only a good cook can prepare a meal from whatever ingredients he has. Likewise, a beautiful mind can attend any discussion with any information obtained” — Edward de Bono

It is almost impossible to know all the information on every topic. For example, when I went to a party, and people are talking about the topic of gene cloning. How much do I need to know about cloning to be able to participate in this topic? I knew that a sheep named Dolly was cloned in the UK, or a cat named CC was cloned in the US. Even if with just a little knowledge, you could absolutely take the role of listener, and ask smart questions.

In the long run, to gain more knowledge, you need a dual strategy. You need to have a general knowledge of what is happening in the world. At the same time, you also need to have a good understanding of some specific interesting areas.

With both general and specialized knowledge, you are more easily engaged in “non-professional” discussion and have many opportunities to impress when discussing your specialized topics.

In conclusion, the discussion is a mind game, which is interesting and rewarding for everyone to try and practice. As a master of mind, Edward de Bono encourages people to apply different, intelligent approaches to increase communication efficiency, help each person to be confident, trusted and loved by others. “When you practice using your mind, you will enjoy using it, and at the same time you create critical thinking skills and a beautiful mind,” he concluded.