5 Harmful Habits That Drain Love Out of Your Relationships (And How to Improve It)

The simple yet overlooked actions can retain the softness and beauty of relations.

Relationships don’t fall apart overnight. The signs of drifting apart start years earlier. If ignored, relationships often end up in frustration and division.

The failure of love stories is a norm nowadays. Only exceptional cases exist where a long-term wondrous love remains even after decades. If you know the early symptoms of an ailing relationship, you can improve upon them.

A beautiful relationship seems easy maintenance from the outside. The magic sauce is perseverance and effort.

Here are the 5 habits of people who are heading towards the tombstone of their relationship. If you show any of these, it is time to reassess the priorities.

1. You Hide Your Authentic Emotions

Sharing your vulnerability becomes threatening to you. It happens in a lack of trust and acceptance.

My wife/husband is insecure; they suffocate me. Why give more explanations — it is better to hide. They will only get angrier — Let it be. They don’t understand anyway — why should I waste my time, emotion, or energy?

For the sake of avoiding the snowball effect, you hide what you really feel. Your partner's insecurity, judgment, or lack of support triggers your hiding.

Hiding some details is practical to live in peace. But it becomes a problem when you constantly hide your authentic self from the close one.

Suppressing your authentic self leads to a facade of false identity. Home becomes prison because you can not be you. A time comes when you no longer identify yourself. Then, you try to break free from the prison you created with the fear of repercussions.

Years down the lane, it drives you apart. A chance of confiding your feelings to someone else will attract you to that person. But the cycle continues till you accept and express yourself.

What you should do

If you are closed due to fears, only communication helps. Spend quality time together. Go on trips. Open up the channels of conversation. Find a common hobby. Enjoy and rediscover the balance.

A cold period happens in every relationship. It is up to you how much you want to work on it without expectations. Expectation mar the beauty of relations. Leave it on the doorstep and find love within you. Only then can you share it with others.

If your partner’s behavior is toxic, you may need to reevaluate your stand. But first, look at yourself and your patterns. If you keep on repeating it, no relation can ever satisfy you.

2. A Trivial Fight Takes Days To Resolve

Friction is common in any relationship. But when the frequency of these conflicts increases, discuss them as soon as possible. Ego clash prevents a peaceful environment which you both deserve.

The ego always tries to prove itself. A stubborn person will not let go of their side of the story. You may scream and argue (if you can afford it without consequences). Otherwise, you will cry and give the silent treatment. Both are forms of aggression.

You both may be right in your perspective. But peace does not come from being right. It comes from acceptance of the wrong.

Occasional friction is normal. But frequent tussles are warning signs — either you are not giving damn attention or giving too much attention.

What you should do

Pay close attention when a trivial tussle lengthens for no reason. It may be due to insecurity, seeking attention, or authority of being right. But no reason can justify the tense environment.

Don’t make your relationship a battleground of ego. It is a connection involving 2 persons. Try to understand the point of view of others and arrive at common ground. Empathizing with others helps the relationship flourish.

Don’t make insecurity and attention your center stage. Instead, express genuine gratitude to others. Don’t hide behind any rationality. Keep mind aside till you are discussing some numbers in business.

When two hearts talk, mental barriers dissolve. Try to find out the reason behind the anguish. Open discussions are a sign of maturity. Only then does a genuine solution arise.

3. You Jot Down Points in Daily Life to Be Used Against Your Partner in Any Argument

You notice and remember every minor detail that annoys you. Instead of communicating it clearly, you note them down to make your argument more valid in the next quarrel.

He didn’t take out the trash today. She is again late. He didn’t ask me how I was doing, even when I was not well. Why didn’t they listen to me?

The list is endless!

These hidden motives are nothing more than subtle blackmail. Tit for tat does not work in any relation. If it does, then your relationship is moving towards doom.

What you should do

Your life is not a jury room. You both have to work towards a beautiful association. Nobody is completely right or wrong. Try to strike a balance.

Next time when you mentally record the insignificant details, be aware of your motive. Ask yourself — why you are doing it? Stop being a detective. Be open and discuss what annoys you.

4. You Erupt During Discussions

Past suppressions fill your cup already. It leaves no room for a slight mistake from others. Instead, you grab every opportunity to vomit out your anger and frustration.

Proving your point becomes important. It does not matter if your words degrade the other. You leave no chance to vent out pile-up emotions and hurt.

My life has become hell because of you. You can not see me live happily. Your stupid actions make me angry. You are responsible for my miseries.

You blame everybody for your life. Their inability to complete your expectations or desire torments you. That is why most people stay clear. As a result, you feel lonely and more frustrated.

What you should do

Nobody is responsible for your reactions. Happiness in life is your responsibility. So stop blaming your partner for the sadness or frustration.

You are not the king/queen of the world. Stop establishing the same in other’s life. Everybody has a right to live according to them. If you disapprove, it is your problem, not anybody else. Arrogance ruins relations.

Let out your anger regularly by expressing it in a safe environment. When you accept the aggressive personality, you can channel it appropriately. Empty the anger so love can flower within you.

5. Even if You Want To, Your Introverted Heart Can’t Open up

Sensitive and empathic people feel stuck in opening their feelings. You need a lot of space to open up. Also, when others disapprove — you close the shell again.

Sharing your viewpoint becomes difficult, even if you want to. Any slight hint of aggression or justification makes you suppress again. With no clear communication, relations run downhill.

What you should do

If you can not say things, then chose any other mode of communication. Set an intention for communication — you can easily find ways. Write if you can’t say. If words cannot come, express through creativity or song.

When your heart convulses at a slight increase tone of others, take time to heal. It is okay. But communicate the hurt when you are healed. Either in writing or saying.

I have written many letters and emails to my loved ones — both in gratitude and frustration. It served two purposes — I got relieved when I expressed it, and my partner knew exactly what I felt.

Takeaways

Relationships are investments without expectations. Long-standing close relationships affect mental peace if they are not running smoothly. Nourish them with your love and time.

Look for the early warning signs and work on them. Healthy interactions and introspection are paramount. An early action prevents a multitude of avalanches afterward. Relation plays a crucial role in your mental health. Your minor daily maintenance will make your relation peaceful.

Millions of people are suffering: they want to be loved but they don’t know how to love. And love can not exist as a monologue. It is a dialogue — a very harmonious dialogue. — Osho

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