5 Hard Lessons That People Struggle to Accept
Overcoming the most difficult things in life requires a rethinking of each hurdle.
As a younger man, I learned everything the hard way.
I was impulsive, brazen, and stubborn. I went head first into every problem. Until I realized there were better ways.
Difficult lessons challenge your ego and way of life. They force you to rethink your identity. By embracing tough lessons, you forego pain and optimize your potential. You lean into a life worth living.
The rotting of comfort
My favorite comedian, Louis CK, uses a powerful strategy to write his comedy specials and you can use it in other aspects of life.
Here’s his trick: After recording each comedy special, he deletes everything but his closing joke — which is usually his funniest.
He then begins touring local clubs while forcing himself to open with that closing joke. He takes away his strengths and screws himself over by setting a standard that’s hard to uphold.
Yet Louis knows that by taking away his comedic weapons, he creates a void that forces him to rise to his potential.
Now, he’s one of the most successful comedians of all time. You don’t go to his show only to hear jokes you’ve heard 100x before. He’s always fresh and funny in new ways.
There is virtue in making things difficult in a strategic and thoughtful way. Complacent people can become prisoners of their “greatest hits”.
Pain and discomfort, when properly deployed, become an axis of growth. Comfort rots. Sometimes, it’s supposed to be messy and difficult.
The talent trap
The SAT had a lasting impact on my life.
I scored much higher in Math than English on that wretched test. My entire career veered in one direction as a result.
I spent years doing things I excelled at — but hated.
Now, 20 years later, I’m writing for a living and have never been happier. And what’s interesting is that those seemingly unrelated math skills became helpful in writing.
I don’t have a well of literary knowledge or a wide vocabulary like an English major might. But my analytical strengths have helped me consider ideas from new angles. It’s helped with creativity.
Meanwhile, my best friend was an English major who despised math and today he’s a high-flying software engineer. His pedantic and discerning eye for language became a huge advantage in assembling code.
As many as 50% of Americans hate their jobs. Many will never do something more fulfilling. They’ll stay for a host of reasons, including because they think they’re playing to their strengths.
Don’t fall for the talent trap and do something you hate.
Love and passion can give you strategic advantages in other things — that test scores don’t reveal.
The unfairness of winning
In 2020, a Kent, Washington police chief put a Nazi insignia on his office door.
He began making jokes about the Holocaust —as well as taking pictures with a nazi mustache, leading to complaints from coworkers and protests from the local Jewish community.
He was placed on a 2-week administrative leave. Just last week, the city paid him $1.5 million to resign. Why? Officials knew he’d get his job back through arbitration if they fired him.
He’ll also be entitled to his pension.
The least deserving people will sometimes get huge paydays and wins. This will sting extra hard if you are late on a few bills, have a lazy spouse, and are getting screwed over by your employer.
It sucks.
We used to live in a world where nazis got fired. Now, we live in a world where they get payouts and high-profile positions. The hard lesson is that sometimes the bad guy wins.
It sucks but it doesn’t matter — for you.
Some endings will feel pre-ordained
I threw everything I had into my relationship with a woman who had borderline personality disorder. I could write a 300-page book on the stuff I went through and the things I saw.
Ultimately, she wasn’t willing to fix herself and wouldn’t do what the doctors said. She chose alcohol over healing, happiness, and me. After going through hell for more than a year, I left.
Life has reminded me over and over, with painful repetition, that you can do everything right and still fail.
I’ve seen kind, understanding people get burned. I’ve seen talented, hard-working people get fired for the wrong reasons.
Sometimes, nothing you do, no amount of work, will bring you the result you want. Failure can feel preordained. But it doesn’t mean you have to stop living.
You might just be you
You might have a psychotic mother. You might be up to your neck with debt. You might have a debilitating injury or disease you are dealing with.
You can only make the best of the situation you have been dealt.
You can’t unwind from things you have no control over. It’s so hard to do when people rub their beautiful lifestyles in your face.
Yesterday, I was watching a realtor tour of a $48 million penthouse in New York City. My girlfriend and I drooled over the marble floors imported from Rome. We went wide-eyed at the view over central park. The office had throne-like decor befitting of a modern king.
I said to my girlfriend, “And you know what, whoever lives there is no happier than you or I.”
When I googled the most expensive homes in NYC, one of the first stories was of a multi-millionaire jumping out of his window because of depression.
Just as we might have been dealt difficult hands, don’t assume the golden spoons others eat from have solved all their problems.
You might have a shanty house and a Rolodex of problems — but I’d wager you are still happier than many who, on paper, have it so much better.
The Takeaway
Despite this avalanche of negativity, I remain an optimist.
I believe passion, perseverance, and a kind, forgiving heart will carry you through the most difficult things in life.
It is better you accept these truths rather than have them forced upon you.
Recap for memory: 5 hard lessons people struggle to accept
- Some failures are inevitable. And nothing you can do will stop it.
- You might be talented at things you hate. Don’t succumb to the talent trap.
- Hardship contains the code to competency. Without that suffering, you may never achieve your potential.
- You can only work with the cards you are dealt — even if they are awful.
- The world’s most amoral, narcissistic people will sometimes win. But that doesn’t mean you have to lose.
