5 Habits of People With Hidden Depression
Here’s what you can learn from my journey of mental illness
Did you know that 1 in 5 adults in the US experiences a mental health disorder?
These statistics mean you know somebody who is struggling with their mental health.
Or it could be you.
Initially, I brushed it off, believing I was going through a tough time.
But the symptoms persisted and started to take a toll on my life.
After months of tests and evaluation, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.
It was a relief to finally have a name for what I was going through. Nevertheless, realizing you’re battling an invisible enemy is always scary.
But knowing who you’re fighting empowers you against what you’re fighting.
A thousand KNOWN ENEMIES are better than one UNKNOWN ENEMY.
~Mouloud Benzadi
That’s why I want to share my journey — symptoms, and experience for you to learn and preserve your mental health.
1. Prolonged/Strong Feelings of Irritability And Anger
I used to be a calm person. But without a known cause, I felt like a storm brewing inside of me that I couldn’t stop.
Little things set me off, and I yelled and threw things. It was out of character for me, and I didn’t understand what was happening.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, irritability or anger (without a cause) could be a common symptom of mental illness.
Here’s what described me:
- Short temper
- Sweaty palms and cold feet
- Agitation and annoyance
- Frustration
- Restless mind
- Concentration issues
- Self-victimization and taking things personally
Most people might not experience all these symptoms but would feel irritable without any plausible reason.
Now when I look back, I see that my anger was one of the early warning signs of my mental illness.
What Can Help You:
- Identify the triggers: Know your cause to get the correct treatment.
- Breathing exercises: Science has proved that breathing helps you to avoid the “fight-or-flight” response to stressful situations.
- Prescribed medications: Mood stabilizing drugs increase the availability of monoamine neurotransmitters in the brain.
- Engage in physical activity: Cardio, exercise or even walking works as an anti-depressant.
2. Feeling Guilty or Worthless
My irrational guilt — I was a burden to everyone around me. I convinced myself that nobody wanted to be around me and would be better off if I just disappeared.
I had no purpose in life, and whatever I did was wrong.
These negative thoughts took over my life and made it hard to function.
Psych Central approves of my condition:
“Guilt is a common symptom of mental illness, and it can be so debilitating that it interferes with everyday life.
American Psychiatric Association (APA) also says the same.
The reasons for guilt can vary from complex to as simple as being unable to fix anything.
If you feel guilty all the time, without doing anything wrong, it can be a sign of an invisible illness you might want to address.
What Can Help You:
- Practice self-kindness: Seek help from your loved ones or a doctor if it’s beyond control. Positive self-talk induces feel-good hormones.
- Journal your emotions: Adress three main questions — What makes me feel guilty, what if I am wrong, and what do people say about my guilt?
- Practice guided meditation: Research tells that meditation effectively alleviates depressive symptoms.
3. Physical Ailments Without Obvious Causes (Headaches, Stomach Aches, etc.)
For years, I suffered from debilitating migraines. I would have one or two a week, which would last for days.
I tried every remedy I could think of, but nothing worked. The only thing that made me feel better — lie down in a dark room with a cold compress on my forehead.
I went to countless doctors, but none of them could find a cause for my migraines.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with clinical depression that I realized that my mental illness likely caused my migraines.
According to the Mayo Clinic:
“If your physical ailments don’t have an obvious cause, you might want to think further. It could be can be a sign of mental illness.”
What Can Help You:
- Lab tests: Talk to your physician to get lab tests done asap. It’s a simple treatment most doctors miss out on.
- Consult a mental health specialist: Mental illness masks under physical ailments. That’s why a professional’s help is inevitable.
4. Zone Out From Conversations
I was in the middle of a conversation with my Professor when I realized I had no idea what she talked about.
Though I nodded along and made sounds of agreement, I was clueless.
It was like my mind had completely zoned out, and I couldn’t focus.
This happened more and more often, and soon it became difficult for me to follow conversations, even ones that I was interested in.
I would try to focus, but my mind would wander off.
I thought maybe I was just tired, but even when I got enough sleep, I still couldn’t focus.
According to Healthline:
“Frequent daydreaming, mind wandering, or brain fog can sometimes be symptoms of other issues, including ADHD and depression.”
What Can Help You:
- Repeat: Mental iterations are the best way to ensure you’re actively involved in a conversation. If it doesn’t help, ask questions. Stupid questions.
- Self-care: Reflect on what kind of thoughts make you zone out from the world. And address those. Seek external help if necessary.
- Mindfulness: Stay aware of your actions. If your mind wanders, teach it by slowing the pace of life. Here’s what helped me:
5. Dread/Crave Sleep
Sleep was my favorite pastime. As a kid, I stayed up late reading books under the covers and slept in as late as my parents let me on weekends.
But somewhere along the line, that changed.
I dreaded sleep at night because I knew I would have to face my dreams.
I used to have pleasant dreams about flying or being with my friends, but then my dreams were dark and full of fears. Nightmares I couldn’t explain or understand.
I woke up exhausted, even if I’d slept for 10 hours.
According to the National Sleep Foundation:
“People with mental illness are more likely to experience sleep problems.”
If you struggle to get a good night’s sleep, you must talk to your doctor about it. There are treatments available that can help.
What Can Help You:
“The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
That’s why build a sleep system. You can’t force your mind to shut down at a specific time.
Here’s what I did:
BONUS: Always Low on Energy
I remember one day, I was sitting in my room for hours, staring at the wall. I didn’t have the energy to get up and didn’t want to do anything.
It felt like a lead weight was attached to my body, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move.
I didn’t want to eat or drink. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to stay in my room and do nothing.
It was one of the lowest points in my life, and it happened more often than I care to admit.
Fatigue can be due to many reasons, but prolonged mental exhaustion can signify mental illness, says Healthline.
If you struggle with fatigue, you must reach out for help.
What Can Help You:
- Take time off from work to recharge.
- Disconnect from the hustle and connect with nature.
- Seek comfort in relationships.
- Medical help
Final Words
Mental illness is not your fault.
The advice I’d give to somebody that’s silently struggling is, that you don’t have to live that way.
You don’t have to struggle in silence.
You can be un-silent.
You can live well with a mental health condition as long as you open up to somebody about it because it’s really important you share your experience with people so that you can get the help that you need.”
Your dark days make you stronger.
Or maybe you’re already stronger, and an invisible illness proves it.
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