Summary

The article humorously addresses a variety of quirky questions people ask Google, ranging from existential queries to specific cultural and dietary curiosities.

Abstract

The web content titled "5 Google Questions That Lose You Brain Cells" delves into the humorous and often absurd questions that individuals turn to Google to answer. The author categorizes these questions under headings such as "Why...," "Do Nuns...," "Why is England...," "Why is America(n)...," and "How many pickles...," providing satirical responses to each. The article uses light-hearted sarcasm and humor to explore topics that people might be too embarrassed to ask others, highlighting the peculiar nature of some internet searches. It touches on everything from the philosophical "Why?" to the mundane, like the number of pickles in fast food items, while also making playful jabs at cultural stereotypes and societal norms.

Opinions

The author feels that some questions asked on Google are so outlandish that they could potentially "lose you brain cells."
There is a playful critique of society's reliance on Google for answers to even the most bizarre questions.
The author uses humor to mock the stereotype that England is a depressing and cold place, as well as the notion that American gravy and butter are "racist" due to their color.
The piece suggests a level of absurdity in the questions people ask about nuns, indicating a mix of curiosity and misinformation about their lifestyle.
The author takes a light-hearted approach to serious global events, such as the Russia-Ukraine conflict and American involvement, by deflecting with humor.
The article implies that the number of pickles in various food items is an important concern for some, perhaps poking fun at the triviality of certain food-related queries.
The author signs off with self-deprecating humor, revealing a date with a "hot English-American Nun" as a tongue-in-cheek explanation for concluding the article.

FUNNY INTERNET STUFF

5 Google Questions That Lose You Brain Cells

Yes, I’m that bored…

**The answer to all life’s questions** — Photo: Saltsha

How do I get the oven to work? — Google it
How can I murder my boss and dispose of the evidence with the Police never finding out?— Google it
How can I find a good defence lawyer? — Google it

The search engine to beat all search engines, Google allows people to ask the most bizarre stuff that we wonder about life.

Questions like the ones above are often difficult to ask without the use of the knowledgeable Google.

With this in mind, I decided to see what the most popular queries on Google were, and had a go at answering them for you guys.

Prepare to be wowed by my wisdom.

Or dismayed.

One or the other really.

Why…

Our first Google question of the day is simple — “Why?”

Let’s have a go at answering the why of the world:

Why can’t I screenshot? — I feel personally attacked.
Why is the sky blue? — Why not?
Why were chainsaws invented? — Because trying to cut trees with scissors proved to be very difficult.
Why is petrol so expensive? — Ask Putin
Why am I always tired? — Because I haven’t hacked how to be an adult yet and I stay up too late at night writing on Medium.
Why are flights being cancelled? — The pilots realised they were scared of heights and took the day off.
Why is my poop green? — You are Bruce Banner aka the Incredible Hulk and you’re very bloated at the moment.
Why is fuel so expensive? — Vlad again.
Why is Russia invading Ukraine? — The million dollar question.

Do Nuns…

Next up, we’ve got the all important topic — “Do Nuns…?”

Okay, let’s have a go at answering the mysterious questions of what Nuns do all day:

Do Nuns get paid? — They’re paid in Bibles which have candy hidden inside.
Do Nuns have to be virgins? — No they don’t. Believe me ;) ;) ;)
Do Nuns still exist? — They were all wiped out by a meteor that hit Earth 66 million years ago.
Do Nuns get paid UK? — They only get paid in religious places like Stoke-on-Trent.
Do Nuns drink alcohol? — Sometimes, but never during work. Only on bachelorette weekends and work nights out.
Do Nuns wear wedding rings? — Only when they’re punching other Nuns.
Do Nuns still exist in the UK? — We’ve been over this. Do they not teach Nun history in school anymore?!
Do Nuns get cervical cancer? — I have no idea. This got serious quite quickly. I’m going to post a bunny picture to lighten the mood.

**Yaaaay Bunny!** — Photo: Wallpapers High Quality

Do Nuns shave their heads? — Yes. They used to have perms and Mohawks but these were considered too “punky for church” so they shave their heads now.
Do Nuns get married? — Yes, they’re married to the game.

Why is England…

The country of my birth and where I first got called “lame” by my Science teacher. Yes, it’s England.

Let’s answer some Google questions!

Why is England called England? — Because a dude called Mr. Eng Land founded it and was really narcissistic.
Why is England called blighty? — Is it?
Why is England so depressing? — Boris Johnson and the weather.
Why is England so cold? — We only discovered fire a few years ago.
Why is England not a country? — I think it is?
Why is England so powerful? — We’re always in the gym. No days off bro!
Why is England so windy? — God farts on us.
Why is England so cloudy? — Because of all the clouds.
Why is England so boring? — What? Sorry, I fell asleep.
Why is England so expensive? — Because we’re d*cks.

Why is America(n)…

Couldn’t do England without doing the States.

Let’s do this!

Why is American Football called Football? — Mr. American Football discovered the sport way back in 2007 and named it after himself.
Why is America bad at chess? — They’ve gotten a lot better since Queen’s Gambit got put on Netflix.
Why is American chocolate so bad? — Because it always causes trouble in class.
Why is America called America? — It was called “Christopher Columbus’ Land of Adventure and Games” for a while until a woman named Karen complained to the assistant-manager. They then changed it to America.
Why is American Express not accepted — Because it has no friends.
Why is American cheddar orange? — It went for a spray tan. Same place as Donald Trump.
Why is American gravy white? — Because it’s racist.
Why is American healthcare so expensive? — Because everyone keeps injuring themselves.
Why is America not helping Ukraine? — Don’t think I’m qualified to answer this. I’ll text Biden…
Why is American butter white? — It’s been influenced by the white supremacist views of American gravy.

How many pickles…

Don’t worry guys, the pickle questions are here so you can relax.

How many pickles can I eat? — As many as you want as long as you eat all your vegetables.
How many pickles in a McDonald’s cheeseburger? — About 50 more than you wanted.
How many pickles does it take to die? — Just one, if it’s poisonous.
How many pickles in a Big Mac? — 2 more than the cheeseburger. They’re very strict on this.
How many pickles can kill you? — Just one if it’s attached to a knife being held by a mass murderer with a pickle fetish.
How many pickles are in a jar? — It’s a trick question, there aren’t any!
How many pickles are in a peck? — Peckin’ loads
How many pickles is too much? — When you start to look like a pickle. That’s when it’s too much.
How many pickles in a gallon jar? — A gallon
How many pickles are there in the world? — 12

Final Answers

**“I really shouldn’t have put Superglue on my fingers”** — Photo: Collins Dictionary Blog

That’s your lot guys.

Do you feel wiser for knowing all these useless answers?

I know I do.

So what have we learnt?

Scissors can’t cut down trees very well.
Nuns love a good staff night out.
England is depressing.
America has racist gravy
Pickles can be measured in gallons.

Lots to take away from that.

Thanks for reading guys.

Sh*t! Just realised I’m late for my date with that hot English-American Nun who always asks me why I haven’t brought any pickles along.

Wish me luck!