5 Easy Ways You Can Become a More Likeable Person
Through basic understanding of human psychology.
What does it really mean to be a likeable person? Well, In my book, that simply means being someone with a personality that draws other people in rather than push them away.
It means you being a person others aspire to be more like while remaining approachable, open-minded and unassuming.
Now, I know you must be tired of hearing tips like “smile more, be polite, avoid unnecessary arguments” and all that. So rather than just regurgitating those same tips, you and I are going to look at this issue from a more psychological standpoint.
1. Your Passion is Your Golden Ticket.
In psychology, there is a phenomenon known as the Halo Effect. As Wikipedia puts it, "This is a cognitive bias that claims that positive impressions of people, brands, and products in one area positively influence our feelings in another area."
In simpler words, the Halo Effect holds that when you see a picture of a good-looking person, from that one impression alone, your brain goes on to assume that they’re an overall good person. It is why you can see someone smiling once and just assume they’re a happy person.
On the other hand, this is also why you can see a person doing something you consider bad (let’s say doing drugs, for example) and then assume they’re a bad person overall.
How can you use this to your advantage?
Well, the Halo Effect doesn’t discriminate. You don’t have to be good-looking or have a Hollywood smile before you can take advantage of it. Any positive quality of yours will suffice, and that where passion comes in.
Going by the rules of the halo effect, once you have one thing that you’re passionate about and even just a little good at, the people you come across will associate that one positive attribute of yours with every other area of your life, thereby making you more likeable in their eyes.
Everybody has at least, one thing that they're passionate about. Don't be afraid to show it.
2. Be More Like Benjamin Franklin.
He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged. - Ben Franklin.
The human brain is one complex organ that even the top neuroscientists are still not close to fully understanding. But one thing we do know about the brain is that it doesn’t like inconsistencies. It always looks for a way to rationalise all our actions, and that’s where the Benjamin Franklin Effect comes in.
Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a Pennsylvanian legislator who had a clear dislike for him. He came up with a plan to ask the man to lend him a rare book. And when the book was received, he thanked him graciously.
As a result, this man who had never wanted anything to do with Franklin before, became good friends with him.
In Franklin's words:
When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.
Why does this work?
All this did not happen because Ben Franklin is some sort of magician. There's a simple explanation as to why this works.
You see, as I hinted at earlier, the human brain does not like inconsistencies. Your brain cannot comprehend the fact that you would do a favour for someone you don't like. As a result, your brain rationalises that action by convincing you that indeed, you do like that person.
If you still want more scientific proof, researchers Jon Jecker and David Landy tested the Benjamin Franklin Effect in this study and found that those who were asked by the researchers for a personal favor rated the researchers much more favorably than the other groups did.
So even though it sounds counter-intuitive, this is something you might want to try out when dealing with both friends and foes.
3. A Compliment Here and There Wouldn’t Hurt.
You're not gonna find a quicker way of getting someone to like you than simply giving them a compliment.
Getting a compliment from someone subconsciously makes you like that person a little more because you now associate them with the positive emotions you felt when they complimented you.
By giving compliments you can make interactions more enjoyable, bring out reciprocating warmth from others, and create a favourable impression in their eyes. — Professor Nick Haslam, School of Psychological Sciences, University of Melbourne.
So if you see someone doing something you like, feel free to give them a complement - even if it's a total stranger - because this can only breed good feelings between you and that person.
Be genuine.
Compliments work only if they are sincere reflections of what we think and if they are given freely and not coerced - Psychology Today
Only compliment someone when you mean it. Don't just give out fake compliments that you don't actually believe are well-deserved. Don't see a guy casually wearing a T-shirt and sweat pants and start praising him like he's dressed sharper than Harvey Specter.
Rather than make them feel good, this is the quickest way to make people see you as either someone with a hidden agenda or just a kiss-ass. And no one likes either of those.
4. Be Less Close-Minded.
Sure, we’ve already heard it a thousand times that we should never be close-minded, and always be willing to hear out others.
Still, "Less" is the keyword there because as you'll soon find out, it's difficult to impossible for any human being to be fully open minded all the time.
Why is this so?
Even though we love to call ourselves "rational animals," we don’t always take our time to weigh the validity of decisions and opinions presented to us.
Rather, due to what psychologists have termed as confirmation bias, we have a natural propensity for only agreeing with ideas and opinions that fall in line with our own preconceived notions, and discarding everything else.
Unfortunately, us being so close-minded in our interactions with others creates a lose-lose scenario. This is because in the end, people just want to be heard. So even if your opinion ends up being the correct one, the mere fact that you didn’t make the other person feel like they could have an opinion too will only make you seem like a narcissist. And no one likes a narcissist.
Confirmation bias is something that is more or less incurable. But now that you know of its existence, you now have the responsibility of at least, reducing how much impact it has on your life. And you can do this by actively making the decision to be less close-minded; every single day and in every single conversation.
5. Use the Sweetest Sound a Person Can Hear.
A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language. – Dale Carnegie in "How to Win Friends & Influence People."
Not sure why it's so, but people absolutely love hearing the sound of their own name. And it's not just Dale Carnegie saying it.
Researchers Dennis P. Carmody and Michael Lewis found in this study that there is a unique brain activation when a person hears their own name.
So when next you’re talking to someone, using that person’s name can be a nice way of subliminally keeping them interested.
Besides, this will also ensure you remember their name and that’s an essential trait to have. I’m sure you wouldn’t like someone who refers to you as "sss" because they’ve forgotten your name.
Conclusion.
To summarise all that has been said:
- Simply being passionate about something makes you more likeable.
2. Asking people for favours can make them like you.
3. Don’t be afraid to give a genuine compliment.
4. Make a conscious effort to be less Close-minded
5. Remember and use people’s names when speaking to them.
This list is far from exhaustive, but it shows how having basic understanding of human psychology and making just a few changes in your everyday life can help you come across as more likeable to your boss, co-workers, friends, and even enemies.
