5 Easy Foreplay Tricks for Better Sex and Bigger Orgasms
Foreplay tips from adult film stars
Most of us are doing foreplay all wrong — and leaving massive orgasms on the table.
At least, according to a handful of former adult film stars.
Here are 5 foreplay tips straight from the orgasmic motherlode of professional porn.
But First: Why Foreplay Is a Massive Sex-Destroying Lie
Foreplay is not what happens before sex. Foreplay is part of sex, not the precursor to sex.
That’s why sex experts (sexperts) like to rename foreplay as “outercourse.”
Foreplay is anything emotional, psychological, or physical that proceeds and often leads up to penetrative sex (or intercourse). That makes the definition of foreplay wide-open for creativity.
As Carol Queen, Ph.D., explains it:
Think of foreplay as the activities that are most likely to build up arousal, however they culminate. Sex doesn’t have to be a linear experience starting with a kiss and ending up with intercourse.
When you embrace foreplay as the outercourse that surrounds and intensifies intercourse, you are on the right track.
Many people — I’m looking mostly at my fellow men, here — view foreplay as an unnecessary obstacle to “real sex” (aka, penetration). The problem is that many women do not orgasm from penetrative sex.
Published studies have shown that proper foreplay significantly increases the odds of female orgasm.
So, as we dive into the sex tips, let’s redefine foreplay as erotic outercourse and arousal.
Foreplay Super Tip #1: NonLinear Foreplay = Great Sex
One of the biggest misconceptions about foreplay and sex is that both are linear.
In other words, cuddling leads to kissing, which leads to making out. Making out leads to petting, oral sex, and intercourse.
Plotting it as a formula, linear foreplay looks like this:
Cuddling + kissing + making out + petting + blow jobs/cunnilingus = foreplay
There’s nothing inherently wrong with linear foreplay or linear sex. However, you don’t need to lock yourself into a formula.
Try a little nonlinear action sometimes.
Cuddle, give each other massages, then tickle fight. Make out for half an hour, drink some champagne, and dance on the open-air rooftop of a castle-hotel.
Mix things up:
- Spanking
- Fingering
- Sucking
- Nibbling
- Naked sex tag
- Sexting
- Dressing up for each other
- Reading sensual poetry
- Taking a bubble bath together
- Taking sexy pictures with each other
Takeaway: Whatever you usually do during sex, do something completely different. Alternate between foreplay and intercourse throughout your lovemaking.
Foreplay Super Tip #2: Start With This Nonobvious Spot
It’s easy to rush to the intimate parts of our partner’s bodies: boobs, nipples, genitals, butt.
Instead, start with what might be a nonobvious spot.
Kiss their fingertips or ear. Start from the top down or the bottom up. Don’t rush for the “goodies.” Make them wait.
Trust me.
They will love-hate the tension between where your lips are and where they want your lips to go.
Porn actress Alexis Fawx says:
A lot of guys like to go straight for the goodies below the belt to get a girl turned on. But for me and a lot of other women I know, we absolutely love when a guy starts off at the top. Personally, I want a guy to kiss me, then trail down to my neck and clavicle. (I love my clavicle being kissed and lightly sucked.)
There you go: spend time on the sexy secret clavicle.
Takeaway: Don’t beeline for your partner’s genitals. Move slow and sensually up and down their bodies. Just don’t tease forever. You might get kicked off the bed.
Foreplay Super Tip #3: Keep Your Shoes On
There is a very good reason porn stars keep their high-heels and other shoes on during sex scenes.
Sure, it adds to the “we ended up in a six-some in the shower by accident” fantasy of porn. But it’s also because of how the shoes (or other accessories) reposition the body.
For example, high heel shoes can elevate the butt to just the right position for more powerful fingering, rimming, or toy play.
The repositioning of body parts can also make foreplay and intercourse feel better for our partners.
Not to mention how outfits can maintain the fantasy of erotic role-playing.
Takeaway: Keep your shoes and other outfits on (mostly) during foreplay. It can elevate emotional and physiological arousal. It can also help you and your partner enjoy certain positions.
Foreplay Super Tip #4: Use Your Tongue Compass
In a recent interview on the Come On Man podcast, porn actor Erik Everhard (stage name), described what he calls using your “tongue compass.”
Basically, he says that when you keep your tongue on a woman’s clit (or a man’s penis), you can tell what makes it more or less aroused. For example, if the woman’s clit gets aroused when you massage her boobs or pinch her nipples, keep doing it.
I like how he says that you are “feeling for feedback.”
He also talks about making your tongue more “pointy” and using the “cross T” technique.
All in an effort to find what triggers the clit to get aroused.
Just like a man’s penis gets harder right before ejaculation, a woman’s clit becomes more erect and aroused the closer she gets to orgasming.
“It’s laughable how easy it is to get women off when you can read what their body’s telling you.” — Eric Everhard
Takeaway: Men and women can use the Tongue or Finger Compass to read what arouses their partners. To paraphrase Eric, “Read the wave and ride the wave of arousal to orgasm.”
Foreplay Super Tip #5: Masturbate Between Scenes
Porn star, Jessica Drake, regularly masturbates during breaks.
No one can stay aroused indefinitely. And when your job is on the line, you improvise. When your “co-star” needs to rest, recharge their erection, or take a sip of water, you do what you need to do to stay in the mood.
Some people rush foreplay and sex because they fear losing arousal.
When you work with your partner to stay aroused (and keep each other aroused), during “breaks,” everything is much easier.
This is especially true for women and men with hormone imbalances or sexual drive dysfunctions.
Takeaway: Whenever there is a “break” in intercourse, keep outercourse going. If your partner needs a break, keep them and yourself aroused with mutual or individual masturbation/touching.
Final Thoughts
Foreplay isn’t all about physical arousal. You can text your partner all day long to build up to a fun, romantic night.
You can even engage their brains in some intellectual foreplay.
The key is to experiment and find what works for you and your partner. Enjoy! :)
