5 Difficult Things To Accept After Leaving The Narcissistic Relationship
Accepting things as they are after leaving the narcissist is very difficult, but that is what we need to do if we want to set ourselves free.
In the darkest secret relationship, what did you do? You gave it everything that you had to offer. You sacrificed so many things. You accepted the narcissist with all the flaws, believed in the relationship because you believed in their potential, and trusted them. You indeed did because you thought this person would be the one you’ve been looking for.
To believe that this person is the answer to your prayers, but what ended up happening you got with the trade, you got traumatized, you got abandoned, you got demoralized, you got taken advantage of, they made a fool out of you, they took advantage of your kindness, and they took advantage of your caring and compassionate, empathetic nature.
That gave you a moral wound that gave you a sole injury.
The whole relationship was a lie.
Accepting that everything that I did or everything that I experienced, including those good memories of it, was a lie is also acknowledging that the person I saw at the beginning of the relationship was so charming, so kind, present, tuned, and unique is dead and had never existed.
Accepting that it was all a lie is assuming that the person, the monster that you saw later in the relationship, was who they indeed were. All of this is highly shocking for you and your nervous system.
To process all of this is paralyzing because it activates that freeze response. It’s like someone is being stabbed right in front of your eyes, and your head cannot understand what is happening. You’re still thinking, ‘Am I imagining things? Is this a practical joke at a scene from a movie that has been shot?
You can’t accept that this violence or this brutality can happen. The same thing applies to this, but the narcissist’s gasoline is to abuse you, traumatize you, and treat you in ways that are beyond unacceptable.
“Your system was paralyzed by the shock of the reality you still cannot accept and comprehend that a person can be as dark as this.”
The good times were all a lie, and you were tricked.
The good times you spent with the narcissist were alive, but your cognitive dissonance couldn’t let you see the reality for what it was.
Why? Because there is this emotional lesson as well.
The same narcissist who made you feel miserable was the person who made you feel good when they treated you nicely. It creates a psychological rift in compartmentalization in your experiences, and you cannot understand what the lie and the truth are.
From that point, you are sandwiched between the two, which is what you’re struggling with.
A fabricator also makes out those good memories to keep and retain you in the relationship. This is a big deal because accepting that those good times are also a lie means letting go of everything.
Being robbed of every moment you thought you could rejoice in later in your life that you could cherish while remembering them. It’s like accepting that everything from the beginning to the end was dark. It was filled with darkness, and there was no light in between.
Accepting that those good times were alive is also getting that you were calm. You were fooled by someone you trusted, and they took advantage of it. This is why accepting that those good times were a lie is such a difficult thing to do.
They promised you a dream but ended up delivering a nightmare.
At the beginning of the relationship, did they promise you a fantastic future? They promise you things that will happen in the future and create hope in you, which is a hopeless hope.
Still, they hook you through, and you are charmed because the future that big envisioned is luring.
It’s just misleading. It is so sweet to believe in and so amazing to fantasize and dream about. What deludes you is the cognitive ability to think clearly and ask critical questions. Questions that would help you discern delusion from reality.
They suck you in through this hypnotic trance they induce through future faking, and what you find miserable is terrible. You end up finding that all those things they promised about the future and the potential future we could have with them were just nothing but BS.
Nothing more but a bunch of lies, nothing but crap. It was just a form of bait they used to hook you in so that you could give them what they wanted from you. Attention, money, sex, anything that you can imagine, or anything they wanted from you.
“No part of the promised future became your reality. God, the opposite. They ended up delivering a nightmare. They made your existence a living hell. A living, breathing hell that you had to survive every single day.”
You can never get any closure from the narcissist.
Someone who betrayed you so much, who left you in the middle of nowhere, destroyed, isolated, and who caused you so much harm at least is expected to give you some closure so that you can move on with your life.
But what does the narcissist do? They leave you there with the wounds. They don’t care if you die or live. They go and never look back if they don’t have something to take from you or don’t think there’s a chance to hoover.
So they’ll lead you there, and you have a bunch of questions to gain explanations for. So that’s why you ask:’ Is he a narcissist? Is he such a wrong person for real? How could he do that? Why didn’t he do this and that as he is happy with this new person, and so on?
You get stuck in this loop of questions and keep meditating. You can’t seem to accept that this person didn’t even find it necessary to give you some closure so that you could move on.
They didn’t even respect you or the relationship that much to give you this final piece of the puzzle so that you can complete it and just be done with them. Call it the opposite. You are left alone to get answers to these questions to understand what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is.
They had never been going to give you any closure. So you are on your own.
Accepting that your closure will come from your experiences because if you look at them carefully, you have everything you need to understand emotionally, process, and let go.
They manipulated you to keep you around so that they could get supply.
This is a very devastating thing to accept and believe. Why? Admitting that you were kept as an object, used, and thrown away assumes that you have no self-worth, self-esteem, or confidence.
It’s bearing that you were treated like a piece of furniture they used; now, it got old, and they threw it away.
Taking all of this means you must admit that you got used to and fooled by a person, but you don’t have to take the blame for it. It’s not that you caused it to yourself. It was done to you. They manipulated, and the gasoline ended all of the shitting stuff that these people do to take advantage of you.
You didn’t allow it; it happened to you. But, unfortunately, you were completely disconnected from that agency, which would have helped you discern whether it was being allowed.
You were in a state of flight or freeze, which is how you kept surviving in the relationship.
You had no access to the thinking part of your brain, so they kept abusing you. Why? Because they’ve paralyzed your nervous system, they shocked you, and you just kept living from one moment to another.
So, accepting that someone objectifies you is extremely difficult because it causes a lot of shame. You feel embarrassed because you ask questions like; how would I allow that? Why did I allow that? Why did I let it happen to me? Why couldn’t I stop them?’
But you are saying all this now and asking yourself these questions because you can access the agency directly. So you’re out of the toxicity and can have some clarity.
Back then, you did not have those questions. You could not have those questions because you did not have the agency to ask.
So giving yourself a lot of compassion, accepting yourself as you are, and understanding that it was far more complicated than it seems now are the keys to healing.
You need to know that you were used, but at the same time, you gave out of your good nature. Instead, you did what you thought was right and what is in your core, making you different from this entity you were with.
Thank you for reading until the end 🧡.
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