5 Dangerous Signs You Could be a “Gray Area Drinker”

If you’re sober curious, maybe it’s time to bin the booze.

“I mean, who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like that’s not healthy.” — Gwyneth Paltrow

It was a big confession from health guru and Goop owner Gwyneth.

Whether she was seeking to normalize that level of alcohol consumption or it was a cry for help, it got my attention. It made me feel a little better about the state I had got in before I found help myself. Gray area drinking is that space between the extremes of “rock bottom” and every-now-and-again drinking, where it’s still easy to convince yourself it isn’t a problem.

On the Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT) — a 10-question survey developed by the World Health Organization to assess alcohol consumption — a score of 8 shows harmful alcohol use. A “gray area” drinker may score a 3.

In late March of this year, I found an Instagram post by a guy called @soberdave that described my drinking behavior exactly. I was having a bad month, and every day ended with a drink, or two… or three. I was kidding myself that it was okay, but every day I was watching the clock until it was an acceptable time to pour myself a gin and tonic.

Like Gwyneth, I knew this wasn’t healthy, but it had become a habit that I was neither inclined nor equipped to break free from.

But then I discovered I was not alone. Sober curiosity is big news with the topic trending everywhere on social media. People who don’t identify themselves as alcoholics have figured out drinking has got a hold on their lives in a way that doesn’t feel completely comfortable any more.

Our society has normalized problematic drinking, so you first have to recognize that just because everybody is doing it, doesn’t mean you have to.

Here are 5 dangerous signs to watch out for. If you can apply any of these warning signs to yourself, you could be a gray area drinker. It’s up to you what you do with that realization.

#1 — You downplay your drinking or hide it from others

That glass of OJ in your hand in the evening… is there vodka or gin in it, just to perk you up a bit? Concealing or lying about your alcohol consumption is a danger sign.

#2 — You worry and have regrets after drinking

Waking up with a hangover doesn’t mean you have a problem, but waking up and having anxiety and regret about what you did or said while under the influence is a danger sign.

#3 — You can stop drinking but not stay stopped

Maybe you’ve tried to stop for a month or just a week and been proud of yourself, but you fall back into the same pattern of drinking as soon as you have one drink again. That’s a danger sign.

#4 — Your drinking doesn’t look problematic to others

You may drink at a similar level to your friends or colleagues socially, but it’s all the extra drinking every night of the week between nights out that’s more of a problem.

#5 — You have memory gaps

If you can’t remember everything that happened the night before, you could do yourself long-term damage.

I didn’t even know this is what people mean by blackouts. Sometimes I’m just glad I can’t remember the stupid things I’ve done while under the influence.

Gray area drinkers rarely need to go into an alcohol detox program to stop drinking, and AA won’t resonate with a lot of us. But that doesn’t mean we don’t question or spend a lot of time — often years — thinking about our drinking and wrestling with the internal dilemmas and concerns surrounding our habits.

I sometimes still think I can have a glass of wine without wanting more, and without feeling horrible. But I’ve tried and I can’t.

You might feel all alone when you wake up, look at your bleary eyes in the mirror and berate yourself for last night’s third glass of wine. But you are not alone. Gray area drinking is on the rise.

Part of the reason for this is the horror that was and still is Covid-19. One study by the RAND Corporation published in October 2020 found women have increased their heavy-drinking days by 41% compared with before the pandemic.

I worry some days that I’ve replaced one addiction with another. For the whole of the month of April, I ran every day. It was a compulsion, maybe rather than addiction. Even after I twisted my ankle, I ignored the swelling and pain and kept running. But I’ve settled down now. I’m feeling like a non-drinker. It’s a brave decision.

If you think you have a problem, look at what alcohol gives you and what you really need to fill that void. Maybe you drink to blot out some past pain that you really have to face head-on. Or make some other big changes in your life that alcohol is enabling you to ignore.

Deciding to be sober is a courageous act of self-care — you should feel good about your decision to go alcohol-free.