Using the 5 core personality traits to thrive
Your personality can be just the leverage you need to create the life you want.
by: E.B. Johnson
Personality is an important aspect of our journey here, and an important aspect of how and why we connect with the world the way we do. Our personalities comprise pieces of everything that makes us, us, and it can be an important indicator of where we’re going or what we want from life.
Our personalities matter, and that’s not just in our professional lives. It matters in our personal lives as well. Our personalities are the linchpin by which we string together the connections that we use to define our support networks and circle of friends and loved ones. Personalities have meaning, and they give our lives meaning too. Mastering them, however, means getting real about ourselves and the aspects of our behavioral patterns that need adjusted.
What is personality, really?
When it comes to defining personality, it’s not really a one-size-fits-all job. Our personalities are both dynamic and complex, with a number of moving pieces that make them as unique as they are hard to pin down. The word personality stems from the Latin word “persona” or “theatrical mask” and that is, perhaps, the best way to describe our personalities — the mask we show to the world.
More simply speaking, our personalities are the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make up our authentic, core self. Our personalities make us unique, and shape the way we see both ourselves and the environment in which we exist. It’s a prediction of what a person will do in a given situation, and it’s a dynamic organization of all our experiences and emotions. There may not be one single definition of personality, but there are 5 core aspects of it which — understanding them — can make it easier to thrive in this increasingly stressful world.
The 5 big personality dimensions.
There are 5 core facets of personality, and it is these elements that come together to create the patters of behavior, belief and emotion that define who we are and how we exist in the world. From agreeableness and openness to neuroticism and extraversion, there are a number of moving pieces when it comes to truly understanding our personalities.
Agreeableness
Agreeableness is an important dimension of personality, and one that has a lot to do with how we connect with others and our environment. This personality aspect relates to things like kindness, affection, trust and our other altruistic and prosocial behaviors. When you have a high agreeableness factor, you play nicer with others more easily. It makes you cooperative and, sometimes, that’s a good thing.
High: Those who are high in agreeableness traditionally show a great deal of interest in other people, and really care about their friends and loved ones on a deep and personal level. They also feel a great deal of empathy and enjoy helping others find their own happiness. People with high agreeableness levels are the ones we might label as the “nice guys” and they always reach out when someone is in need of help.
Low: On the other end of the spectrum, those who are low in agreeableness take little interest in others, and don’t generally care how people feel. People’s problems don’t mean much to them, and if anything they see others and their issues as an annoyance or a burden. They might insult and belittle other people, and they might also manipulate those around them to get what they want. They’re nasty people, with little interest in playing nice or getting along just for the sake of peace.
Neuroticism
Neuroticism is a strange trait, and one that is generally characterized by moodiness, sadness and emotional instability. When you struggle with high neuroticism, you might also struggle with anxiety, mood swings, sadness and irritability. It wears away at your emotional resilience, and erodes your stability.
High: Boosted levels of neuroticism can cause us to experience a lot of internal stress and pressure. When we lean toward the higher end of the neurotic spectrum, we worry about many different things and get upset easily by the disruptions in our environments. Dramatic shifts in mood can occur too, which make our relationships strained and difficult to manage. Neurotic people are anxious people and people who struggle to bounce back after stressful events.
Low: Conversely, those with low levels of neuroticism are those who are better able to balance stress and the pressures of day-to-day life. They’re generally emotionally stable people, who deal well in high-pressure situations without feeling sad or depressed. They don’t worry about much and are generally very relaxed people who understand that getting through it is just a matter of getting through it.
Openness
Openness is one of the most important aspects of our personalities, and one that can indicate powerful characteristics that make it easier to thrive. This personality aspect includes elements of imagination and insight, and makes us curious about the world and the things and people in it. When you’re open, you are better able to connect, communicate and learn.
High: The person who has high levels of openness is generally someone who is very creative and accepting of new perspectives and experiences. They like to try new things, and they like to travel, discover and explore. Their adventurers at heart who like to tackle new challenges and consider new and abstract concepts. They’re trailblazers in many senses of the word and are future and forward facing in the way they deal and connect.
Low: When you have low level of openness, however, you’re not as receptive to new experiences and generally dislike change. Those with low levels of openness don’t like new things and resist new ideas. To them, the best way to live is the same way they’ve always lived, and they’re not very imaginative when it comes to thinking about the big picture or abstract and theoretical concepts.
Conscientiousness
Our conscientiousness is an indication of our thoughtfulness, impulse control and goal-directed behaviors and reactions. This core element of our personalities is directly linked to our organizational levels and our mindfulness and attention to detail. Conscientious people are considerate people and those who also have an eye toward the future.
High: Having a high level of conscientiousness generally indicates a person who spends a great deal of time preparing and considering all the possibilities. They are people who finish important tasks as soon as they can, and they aren’t people who usually doddle or wait until the last minute. Highly conscientious people pay attention to detail and enjoy set schedules. When you’re conscientious, you like to have a system in place and know what’s expected.
Low: Low conscientiousness levels can cause us to rebel against schedules and structures. Likewise, it can also lead us to disregard the spaces around us in general, leading to a making of messes and a failure to take care of things. When we struggle with low levels of conscientiousness, we also often fail to return things or meet the deadlines that we commit to. Those lacking conscientiousness are those who procrastinate on important tasks, while failing to deliver on the things they promise to deliver on.
Extraversion
We all know our fair share of extroverts, and we all know that those who run high in this trait are those who show excitability, sociability, assertiveness, talkativeness and emotional expressiveness. When you have a high level of extraversion, you’re someone who likes to get out there and get right into the mix of things. Likewise, low extraversion can equal withdrawal.
High: True extraverts like to be the center of attention and like to get in at the start of new conversations. They enjoy meeting new people and traditionally have wide social circles filled with friends and acquaintances alike. For the extravert, it’s easy to meet new people and it’s easy to make new friends. They’re energized around other people, but they can also be a bit off-the-cuff and say things before thinking about them.
Low: Low levels of extraversion traditionally translates to individuals who prefer solitude to the bustling, hustling crowds of the social butterfly. They feel exhausted when they have to socialize a lot, and they might also find it difficult to start new conversations — especially when it comes to meeting new people. These more introverted people might dislike making small talk, and might need a bit more time to think things through before speaking. Generally, they don’t like being the center of attention and shy away from things that might otherwise make them seem instantly gregarious.
What affects our personality?
Our personalities, while complex, come down to 2 basic factors: our environment and our biology. Our genetics play a big role in becoming who we are, but so too do the experiences that life hands our way. The real secret to mastering our personalities is learning how to understand what makes us tick in the first place.
Biological influences
Studies have shown that biological influences, indeed, play a part when it comes to our personalities and who we are. One study, conducted on 123 pairs of identical twins showed that each of the “Big 5” personality traits were inheritable, with extraversion sitting at 53%, agreeableness at 41%, conscientiousness at 44%, neuroticism at 41% and openness at 61%. Similar studies also suggested that these traits stay relatively stable over time.
Environmental influences
Just as our genetic makeup impacts these core personality traits, our environment too can go a long way in shaping who we are and how we relate to the world around us. The same studies that show the relation of genetics in personality also showed that nurture played a big role when it came to shaping who we are. As we age, many of us become less extraverted, less neurotic and less open to new experiences. On the other hand, however, agreeableness and conscientiousness also increase.
How to enhance your “Big 5” personality traits.
While certain parts of our personality might be defined by biology, there are actions we can take to enhance certain aspects of our authentic selves, while making it easier to connect and grow. If you want to enhance your openness, agreeableness, extraversion or conscientiousness — these simple techniques are the best way to do it.
1. Polish up your interpersonal skills
Though we often overlook them once we get to a certain point in our lives, our interpersonal skills are important, and it’s critical to keep developing them even after we leave school or the workplace. Being able to efficiently connect with and communicate cooperatively with others is one of the core competencies for living a successful life, but it takes some nuance and practice to master. If you want to get better a better personality, it often starts with polishing up your interpersonal skillset.
Start out by focusing on the messages you communicate and how you communicate them. Be clear and concise without being aggressive, and consider your audience whenever delivering any message you need to get across the table. Likewise, you have to learn how to listen and learn how to pick up on the nonverbal cues that the other party might be sending to you.
Interpersonal skills are important, and they include everything from listening to the way in which we build relationships over time. No confined to just the professional realm, our interpersonal relationships make up literally every social relationship that fills the realm of our personal existence too. It’s vital for forming new connections and creating the new perspectives we need to grow and transform our own lives.
2. Expand your interests
Expanding your interests is a great way to also expand aspects of your personality. When we branch out into new activities and pastimes, we unlock new strengths and abilities that allow us to open up and feel more confident about who we are and what we’re capable of. Dipping our toes into the waters of new possibilities makes it easier to connect and easier to feel good. When we feel good, it’s much more possible to be open, agreeable and extroverted.
Look for new classes, activities or gatherings that you can join in with. These can be online, or out in your local community. Reach out to new people, and look for things that engage aspects of your personality you might not normally get to flex. Find things you’ve never done before, and look for new skills that can benefit other aspects of your life or otherwise help you boost your self-esteem.
If you struggle to jump into new things, reach out to your friends and get involved on some of the things they like to do. Often, stepping out of our comfort zones takes the encouragement of someone we’re comfortable with. Friends are a great way to experience something new, and they’re a great way to find new facets of yourself that allow you to blossom and grow.
3. Learn how to listen
One of the first rules of learning how to better connect with others (the outward manifestation of our personalities) is to become a better listener. If you truly want to possess the power to connect with people through your dialogue, learn how to listen to them actively. Active listening is a critical skill, and one we often take for granted (in our increasingly me, me, me world). Be a listener if you want to be a communicator. You can’t truly connect until you learn how to see people and really hear what they’re saying.
Active listening is all about really engaging with with what you’re hearing and applying your senses when, and where, they are called for. It’s comprised of both verbal and non-verbal cues, and is far more than just smiling and nodding with an occasional “uh-huh”. When we listen actively we have to provide feedback and really try to relate to what the other party is saying.
We think that everyone wants to be seen — and they do — but above all, they want to be heard. They want to know that when they share their words, someone is truly ingesting them and processing them, taking on the emotions and hardship of it as if it were their own. There’s a line, but active listening is one of the best ways to build up our communication skills. If you want to be heard, learn how to listen. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book.
4. Be authentically you
Becoming more aware of our personalities is often one of the the first glimpses we ever get of ourselves, and the reflection we project to the world. It can feel as though we owe ourselves to others, as if they have a right to this sacred part of yourself — our personalities. This is false, however, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can own our flesh authentically and live a truth that is aligned with who we are on the inside.
Be honest with yourself about who you are and live your truth authentically, despite the image you feel inclined to project. You are beholden to no one and your body is not owed to anyone…even if they created it. Only when we build up the courage to live authentically can we get in touch with those things and people that make our lives truly worth living. Don’t miss out on the things that matter because you’re afraid to live outside an imaginary projection.
That person doesn’t exist. Only you do. Right here. Right now. Your personality might be defined partially along biological terms, but it’s also defined entirely on the terms which you set for yourself. Be who you want to be and be who you truly are in everything that you do. This is one of the best ways to bloom within a personality that looks with an eye toward the future and positivity.
5. Create new connections
Forging new connections and establishing new relationships can be one of the best ways to boost our confidence and further boost the better aspects of our personalities. Our relationships can be a more accurate mirror by which to gauge ourselves within the world, and a release by which we can find both support and grace when we need it.
Reach out to friends, and don’t shy away from new skills and activities that could connect you with new people. Relationships are a great way to get re-familiar with your strengths, and a great way to build up the support systems you need to battle your shame.
Surrounding yourself with others who can take a compassionate, yet detached look at what you’re going through can be extremely helpful in assisting you to shape your own perspective. They can highlight personality issues you might have missed, or opportunities that you couldn’t see through the stress of the entire situation. By forging new relationships and reaching out to better the ones you already have, you’re actually boosting your personality.
6. Build up your confidence
When we run high with agreeableness, extraversion or openness, we know the depth of our love and the value of other peoples’ existences. It gives us a certain confidence that comes from knowing our own strength, and our ability to love, care and share. It’s a beautiful thing. It doesn’t, however, happen by magic. That confidence comes from practicing the things which make you feel good and empowered.
Self-confident people can allow themselves to be loving without expecting anything in return because they have enough love to share with themselves. They have an understanding of what it takes to connect, and they know the value of what they bring to the table. If you want to be kind to others, start by being kind to yourself and building the confidence you need to move confidently through the world.
Kind people look for opportunities to give someone a chance, because they know their strengths (and their weaknesses) and they know they can survive, no matter what. Being confident in yourself allows you to drop the walls and be kind with others, but we have to learn to love ourselves in order to master it. It’s almost like a master key to boosting those better aspects of our personality, but it takes a little commitment every single day.
Putting it all together…
Our personalities are complex and dynamic facets of who we are, and they often define how we live our lives and relate to those around us. The five core elements of personality combine to shape us, and these elements — agreeableness, openness, extraversion, neuroticism, and conscientiousness — are also often impacted by the experiences of our pasts. We can help shape our personalities, however, and boost certain aspects of it to make it easier to communicate and connect with the world.
If you’re really looking to enhance your personality and tap into new strengths you didn’t know you had, start by polishing up your interpersonal skills so that you can communicate and connect more efficiently. Expand your interests by getting involved in some new activities and pasttimes, and learn how to listen when others are trying to share their interests and personalities with you. Be yourself authentically in everything that you do and don’t hide who you are or what you really want. Creating new connections and support networks, too, can go a long way in helping us to boost our agreeableness and openness. Approach everything you do and everyone around you with respect, and you might be surprised what parts of your personality blossom and bloom. It all comes down to you and what level of control you’re willing to exert over your own life.
