5 Basic Mistakes Guys Make When Approaching Women for Sexting

Don’t miss your shot right from the start

I couldn’t think of anything but my phone.

I tried to keep myself busy, but I was just going through the motions.

All I wanted was to hear that notification. Because one text is all it would take to set off a really exciting night.

The first texts would always be a little tame. The flirting was there, but it was between the lines. And the emojis were already implying more than we were saying.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to get me biting my lip. Because I knew what was coming next — and I knew it would be amazing.

The texts would get more suggestive. I’d play coy and he’d say all the right things to get me to open up.

We’d start sharing fantasies. The tame ones at first. Then the filthy ones when we started getting comfortable.

I could feel the arousal all over my body. Nipples firm. Pussy wet. Every inch of my skin warm to the touch.

Eventually, he’d tell me that his cock was rock solid. That he was touching it gently and slowly. That talking to me made it impossible for him to hold back.

I wasn’t nearly as patient. My hand was already down my pajama pants by that point.

I could spend whole nights getting myself off repeatedly. As long as the texts and dick pics kept coming, so did I.

It was so good that I somehow managed to get dickmatized at a distance. I got completely obsessed with sexting.

None of my texting flings lasted as long as I wanted them to. And I went on extended sexting dry spells after each one.

I missed it as soon as it was over. It was the most fun I could have by myself, and now I had to fill my time with hobbies that were nowhere near as exciting.

Then I made the mistake of writing about it.

My DMs blew up so hard I had to close them. Guys were lining up to be my new long-distance masturbation buddy.

I took up exactly zero of those offers.

The same thing happened when I tried to look for naughty flirty fun on Reddit and FetLife.

It wasn’t because I wasn’t open to it. I deeply missed having someone in my life who could make me wet with a few texts. I was craving excitement and was more than willing to fuck the text man for texts.

Instead, I got a lot of really disappointing offers. I learned the hard way that a lot of horny guys really need to work on their approach. They’re killing their chances of having some dirty sexting action in their first few messages.

These are the biggest mistakes I kept coming across — and still see in my DMs.

Hitting Up the Wrong Girls

A lot of guys can’t help themselves.

They’ve got a shot so they feel the need to shoot it — even with girls who already said they weren’t interested.

Not in them specifically, but in general.

That happened a lot when I posted to Reddit or FetLife.

I made sure to be specific about who I wanted to talk to and what I wanted out of it, but it’s like none of that mattered.

I wrote that I was only interested in making friends — no dirty stuff. But most of the messages I got were way outside the friend zone.

When I specified that I only wanted to talk to women, my private messages were still a complete sausagefest.

Almost every single message I got had some version of “I know you said you only wanted to talk to women, but” — as if they could say anything to change my mind. Unless that sentence ended with “but I’m Ian Somerhalder,” there was no way I’d take things any further.

That’s one of the biggest mistakes guys make when they want to get some sexting going. They’re hitting up girls who aren’t actually interested in doing it.

They’re sending DMs to bisexual girls who only want to talk to women. They think that if she’s looking for a friend, she might be cool with a friend with benefits instead. Or they assume that a girl posting lewds or nudes means she’s open to more.

And all they’re doing is wasting their time — and hers.

Trying to Claim a Princess Instead of Earning One

Some guys will act like they’re messaging an old flame when they’re hitting on a complete stranger.

Because they don’t just say hello. They don’t address her by her name. Instead, they start right off by giving her a pet name.

They’ll call her sweetheart. They might try darling. If he’s older than her, there’s a decent change it’s princess.

It’s like they think it’s a shortcut to familiarity — like they can skip all the preliminaries if she’s already his little sweetie.

It doesn’t work like that, though. Pet names are sweet and they can be really fucking hot, but they have to be earned.

Calling someone your sweetheart should happen organically. It should reflect the dynamic between the two of you.

But there’s no dynamic when there are only a few messages. It’s just one lady and one dude who barely know each other. That’s not the time for pet names.

It’s always a turn off because it feels really presumptuous. Like some random guy is claiming her as his princess — without giving her a say in it.

It’s the same with guys who call themselves daddy on day one.

That’s another thing that needs to be earned. A guy becomes her daddy when she feels the urge to call him that — not a moment before.

If he’s the one insisting on it, she’s not going to melt — she’s going to ghost.

Being an Anonymous Blob

A lot of the guys looking for action apparently forget that the girls are out there looking too. They have to be, because they’re not giving them anything to look at.

Most of the guys who tried hitting me up for sexting were basically anonymous blobs.

They didn’t have any clear photos of themselves on their profiles. They didn’t share any personal details — except that they were down to cyberfuck.

Some of them didn’t even bother telling me their name.

And I really don’t know what I was supposed to do with that.

It’s a few sentences or paragraphs that amount to “wanna fuck?” with zero indication of who I’d actually be fucking if I said yes. Except that it’s just another rando.

Letting a lady know who she’s talking to should be the first step.

A name. A photo or two so she can put a face to the name. Some kind of personal information for a little extra flavor.

Without any of that, there’s nothing to make him seem notable or interesting. And if there’s nothing interesting, there’s no way she’ll be interested.

Using the Worst Opener

There are a lot of really bad openers.

Hey Guys suck because they don’t bother with a proper introduction.

The ones who start right off by saying it’s cool how open she is about sex is its own red flag.

But the worst one is “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Every version of this opener is bad news. I’ve learned the hard way that I’ll always regret answering those messages.

Because guys who have legitimate questions aren’t vague like that. They give some context about why they’re reaching out and then ask the question.

Guys who just want to get a conversation going never ask that either. They say something about themselves. They get the banter going.

There’s only one kind of guy who asks permission to ask a question. It’s the ones who know they shouldn’t be asking that question to begin with.

On some level, they know that she’s not going to reply if they just ask their question straight up.

That’s why they’re asking permission. They’re basically trying to corner her. If she says yes, he’s in. She’ll have to actively back out of the conversation when it takes a turn she doesn’t want.

They know that backing out of a conversation can be awkward and they want to take advantage of that. They know that getting one reply is all it takes for some girls to feel stuck.

If he went ahead and asked her a dirty question right off the bat, she could ignore him if she wasn’t comfortable answering it. And some guys don’t want to give a girl that option.

It’s gross and sketchy.

And it doesn’t even work.

Most women know not to bother with guys who use that opener.

And the ones who haven’t been active online long enough to learn that it’s a red flag are still not going to appreciate it. No girl is ever going to get turned on by a guy who strong-armed her into a dirty conversation.

Having Zero Chill

Some guys are just itching to get to the dirty stuff. They practically have their dick in hand while they’re typing out their first message.

Which is fine — being horny is one powerful feeling.

But if they go from zero to filth, it usually gets them nowhere.

The last time a guy hit me up for action did that. He got right down to business.

He had barely finished saying hey when he told me he wanted to find a girl who could be his submissive piss princess. I didn’t have to be into it right away — he was willing to train me to love being pissed on.

No shame to anyone who’s into wetsports. Piss play isn’t my thing but I’m not about to shame anyone for being into it.

But asking if I was interested in being pissed on felt like a lot when I didn’t even know anything about this guy.

It didn’t go anywhere, but not because of the piss play. Even if he tried to get me to be his DDlg pillow princess, I would’ve politely moved on.

Because I’m not interested in going from hello right to fucking over text. Neither are most women.

When that happens, there’s no chance to see if there’s any chemistry. There’s no flirting and banter. There’s no arousing buildup and anticipation.

She might already be horny, but moving too fast doesn’t give her any opportunity to get horny specifically for the guy who’s texting her. And that’s a big part of what makes sexting so exciting.

Without that connection, there’s really no point to it. She can get the same kind of thing from reading erotica or listening to audio porn — and it’s usually way hotter.

Shoot Your Shot But Shoot It Right

Seeing so many bad approaches really bums me out. Because it means everyone’s frustrated.

Not just the guys who are sliding into DM after DM and getting nowhere.

But also the girls who are craving some excitement. All the ones who would love to spend an evening getting flirty and dirty instead of just lying around with nothing better to do.

Because they’re out there. Most women with even an ounce of sexual energy would be really into a hot and heavy sexting session — as long as they had the right person to do it with.

But getting hit up for sexting the wrong way isn’t fun — it’s just discouraging.

Don’t give all the horny girls out there another lonely night. If you’re going to hit them up, make sure you’ve got a really good approach. You might not end up jerking off to her tit pics and dirty texts, but your chances will go way up.

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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Broads So Real You Can Practically Bang Them (VR Porn, Wet Dreams, and Bisexual Spitroasts) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!

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