Beware of Emotional Vampires
How to Deal With Drama Queens, Attention Hogs, and the Masters of ‘It’s All About Me’
Emotional vampires get their name from their uncanny ability to suck the energy right out of the room — and the optimism and serenity right along with it.
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They’re drama magnets — constantly caught up in a crisis or traumatic life event — and draw everyone around them into their orbit of chaos.
As adept manipulators, they latch onto your emotions, consuming them with the same voracity a vampire has for their victim’s blood — thus earning their moniker. Whether you douse them in pity or shower them with accolades, the outcome remains the same — you’re left feeling drained, both physically and emotionally.
Identifying 5 Types of Emotional Vampires by What They say
- The Narcissist: “Me first.” Everything is all about them.
- The Victim: “Poor-me,” also “Yes, but…” They want you to feel sorry for them, but they don’t want to know how to fix it.
- The Controller: “You know what you need?” They’re going to tell you how to do it.
- The Constant Talker: “Yak, Yak, Yak”. Not interested in your feelings.
- The Drama Queen: “I almost died.” Every incident is traumatic.
How to Protect Yourself from Emotional Vampires
1. Never make your self-worth dependent on The Narcissist. And never confide your deepest feelings to them. 2. With The Victim: listen briefly, then set limits: “I love you but I can only listen for a few minutes.” or “This isn’t a good time,” then cross your arms and break eye contact. 3. Don’t try to control The Controller. Be assertive and confident, but don’t tell them what to do. 4. With The Constant Talker: listen for a few minutes, then interrupt and politely say, “I hate to interrupt, but… 5. With The Drama Queen: Stay calm, and take a few deep breaths. This will help you not get caught up in the histrionics. Set kind but firm limits.
What Causes Someone to be an Emotional Vampire?
- They may have been hurt in the past, and as a result, hurt those around them. It might be unintentional, and they may not even be aware of what they’re doing, but the result is they push you away and hurt you, even as you’re trying to support them.
“Emotional Vampires create toxic relationships with both romantic partners and friends.” Mark Manson in “The 6 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship”.
- Every emotional vampire battles with low self-esteem and those issues vary widely and affect individuals in unique ways. However, they all display: a craving for validation and attention; denial of responsibility for their actions; and an inability to see their own destructive behaviors
In his book “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”, Nathaniel Branden discusses the six action-based practices for daily living that provide the foundation for self-esteem. Interestingly, three of the six pillars he states are necessary for good self-esteem are lacking in emotional vampires.
What Do You Do if You Suspect YOU Are an Emotional Vampire?
- Don’t worry, it’s not gonna kill you. It means you might be high maintenance and you’ll need to work on it.
- Listen to this article by Mark Manson and take his quiz.
- Or sign up to his weekly newsletter, The Breakthrough .
- Read this article by Judith Orloff M.D. in Psychology Today.
- Try not to push people away with your words. Learn diplomacy.
- If you can’t make the changes on your own, get professional help.
