The Secret Behind Many Self-Help Gurus
How power dynamics are formed by gurus and how they can be broken down.
While a lot of the videos I watch are on various video games, I sprinkle in some amount of politics into the mix as well. Through politics, it gives me a rough idea of what’s going on in the world — especially in the case of America.
Of the channels I watch, I watch comedians (before they joined the writers strike) as well as specific channels that are progressive leaning. Some of these are large networks while others are small independent Youtubers.
Except for one in particular.
I won’t mention the name of it, but I was first turned off by it when they started to harp on trans issues. This is on top of one of their main hosts going on and on about “birthing person” on “Twitter”.
But one thing that always irked me a bit whenever I used to listen is one of the habits that one of the main hosts said. The host would say something to the effect of:
“We’re the only ones who will tell you the truth.”
This particular network has been around for a long time and has given a platform to several independent political commentators. It’s only natural that they wield an incredible amount of power on both Youtube in that niche and to the progressive movement in America.
Through their work, they made a lot of things happen and have employed a good amount of people too.
For regular viewers who have been watching them for a very long time, they might’ve grown numb from that particular line. But for someone who has heard of the channel years ago and only started to watch their videos sporadically over a year or so, that particular line reminds me so much of the power dynamics that self-help gurus have over those who listen to them.
It’s not so different from a host telling their viewers they’re the most trusted source because they are always telling the truth.
From politics to our own social connections, power dynamics are a natural occurrence in our lives. When we choose to spend time watching someone’s videos or reading someone’s articles, we’re giving them power. Power in that their opinions are validated and supported.
There is nothing wrong with this phenomenon inherently — after all this has been the norm for humanity from the start. We’ve had tribe leaders back then as we have politicians, experts, and influencers now.
But at some point along the way humanity evolved into looking after one’s tribe, to looking out for themselves. That self-preservation (or enrichment) is a better and more appealing goal rather than to work together in lifting up everyone else and thriving.
This transition has had harsher impacts in certain industries and the world than others of course — as the impact is dictated by how much power is given. But in the case of the self-help industry, I think it’s been one of the many deep rooted influences that prevents people from growing and improving themselves.
And in a world where people do want to be improving themselves in some fashion, being blindsided or scammed by someone who just wants your money or attention isn’t great. Unfortunately that is the secret to so many self-help guru strategies — masking pseudoscience for practical advice, claiming they’re an expert, all while scamming people and gaslighting them that the strategies don’t work because of some other reason.
And one reinforcement strategy for that narrative is to be leveraging power dynamics. To use the crowd as a clear sign that what they are saying and doing is correct.
Here is how to break that down.
Spotting A Power Player
The question isn’t so much whether someone has power, but how it is they are using it. For starters, I know I’m just some random guy on the internet. I’m named after a famous rock star and that’s really the only thing going for me.
That and the thousands of articles that I’ve published over the years of my writing career.
A lot of it is focused around self-help so technically I am very familiar with the industry, how it works, who significant people of interest are and so on. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say I am the best voice out there.
Not the worst, I hope. But definitely not the sole and trusted authority on this subject.
Power players really come down to what they do with their power and what they use their platform for. For me, it’s bringing more awareness to the dark underbelly that has formed in self-help. My focus is to help people and guide people. Any ounce of power given to me is what motivates me to continue writing on this industry, generating topic ideas, and is keeping me around to continue writing on a regular basis.
Those actions are clear through my work on this platform.
But the same can’t be said for many other people out there.
In the case of that host I mentioned earlier, they are using their platform to alienate trans viewers and any trans employees who work for them. Elon Musk is using his power on Twitter to undermine free speech, democracy, and enable so much more hate on the platform.
And so many gurus in the self-help industry are posing as experts when their advice offers little substance to problems that people are facing. All the while expecting them to drop hundreds of dollars and using jedi mind tricks to convince people that it’s all a good idea to do that.
Identifying these individuals is really the first step.
Next, Isolate And Ignore Them
Power is the name of the game and power is only given when more attention is given to them. Even when someone does something bad, that still gives them power in some fashion. It still keeps people in their memories, even if the intention is to wish them harm or for them to get cancelled or something.
There’s a reason I’m avoiding mentioning this network’s name, even if it’s painfully obvious to certain people. I’d rather people do their own research on this network rather than me giving you video examples from their channel pertaining to the claims I am making. They don’t need any more clicks than what they’re getting otherwise.
And that’s the idea. Power brings resources in some way shape or form. It brings a certain level of comfort.
And so the only way to truly starve a source that is demanding resources is to deny them in the first place. To not have them draw in more attention.
Even when I write an article that people don’t agree with, I still get money from Medium to publish it. Even if you didn’t manage to read up to this point or find my writing unbearable, I still got some money for the clicks.
And this kind of idea works for every person out there.
Begin To Re-educate
I feel more comfortable talking about people like Elon Musk and Tony Robbins because these figures are more in my industry than say a certain political news network. I’ve spent years in the industry, looked at their actions, and have familiarity with their work and what people generally think about these individuals.
While this is purely an optional step, I consider it still as an effective coping mechanism. Where it provides opportunity to shed some light and new perspective to their works.
By informing people about who these individuals actually are.
Finally Reflect
But the most important step has more to do with the reflection part of things. While the goal of self-help isn’t to be constantly growing, it is important for us to look at opportunities where we can grow. And these kinds of opportunities are prime for reflecting.
What is it that you are enabling by giving another your attention? What is your particular stance when it comes to issues that they cover? Do you agree with their sentiments?
When it comes to these kinds of influences this is more of an opportunity to formulate your own world views and beliefs without their influence. Even though these types aren’t saying it out loud, they are expecting you to believe a certain narrative.
Tony Robbins expects you to think running across hot coals is going to offer so many benefits to you. Even though scientifically it doesn’t. That political news network I watched expects you and others to think they are the most reliable source for information all the time. Elon Musk expects you to think he’s a brilliant business man even as he’s burning Twitter to the ground and making bad business decisions.
Of course people are entitled to their own opinions, but it’s more of a matter of knowing what those opinions are and whether you agree with them or not. It’s to be looking at someone more objectively and seeing whether they are helping people (or trying to) or is only in it for their own selves.
The secret for so many gurus out there is that they are more for the latter. They are content with putting on performances and feeding wishful thinking and overwhelming positive vibes rather than trying to be fair and balanced about the world we live in.
And that alone ought to give you pause and to think about what you stand for, what you value, and make adjustments in your life so that your words and beliefs match your conclusions.
Ever since I started this publication I held the belief that a purposeful life is what we make of it. I have my own views on what that might be and I’ve conveyed that through my writing.
Some things I’m right about, other times wrong. Sometimes there are angles I haven’t considered, or that I change my stance when I learn something new. I pivot and change freely based on some existing beliefs and from people I engage with.
A lot of self help gurus I see at the high end don’t really do that. Some will put together grifts similar to Tai Lopez where they leverage hype and excitement over something to make their money. Others will mimic Tony Robbins, using pseudoscience and trying to be entertaining only to not fully deliver on changing people’s lives.
Those who are truly worth the time are more people like myself on a smaller scale. We’re more obscure but we focus on practicality of information. There’s research, we link to studies, and we change our stances and weave through life in this sort of manner.
That has been the path that I’ve tread for quite some time in self help. I picked up bits and pieces of ideas from big names, but I always had some skepticism. I took some time to muddle over what they said and that is how it’s shaped me over the years. I wish for nothing more for people to follow in a similar path by looking at power dynamics and looking at those we give power with more thought and consideration.
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