It Takes a Stronger Person to Leave
When I stayed for as long as I did
Realizing a relationship is not working is difficult, but deciding exactly what to do is even more difficult.
Most of us have been in situations where we’ve loved someone enough to work hard at keeping the relationship moving forward and hurdling through all obstacles. Others of us have made the decision to throw in the towel, knowing that loving ourselves is much more important than continuing to deal with a relationship that brings more negative feelings than positive ones.
I’m in the group that threw in the towel.
My ex and I had a child together and then we got engaged. I was his savior, his rock, and his backbone. And then he cheated on me. That wasn’t the first time, but it was the last straw.
I should have left way before I did. I stayed and when the baby arrived, it only made it harder to leave. I didn’t have the strength back then. I was comfortable, so I stayed year after year, knowing that my heart was good and I deserved so much better.
Realizing a relationship is not working is difficult, but deciding exactly what to do is even more difficult.
No relationship is perfect. Every relationship has its problems and issues, but it gets to a point where you must decide what’s acceptable and what’s a deal-breaker. It is the hardest decision you will ever make in your life, but you must decide what you are willing to work through and what is no longer working.
Cheating to me is a huge act of deception and betrayal. When someone cheats, any trust left is damaged.
For many people, the biggest reason for staying after cheating has happened is for the sake of the children and/or finances. For others, cheating causes damage that can never be repaired.
If you choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship that is mentally, verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive for the sake of the kids or money, that’s a lack of strength and self-love, and that was true for me.
When I stayed for as long as I did, I wasn’t strong enough to step out on my own because I had gotten so comfortable and I didn’t love myself in a way that I would choose myself over the man who was hurting me. I thought it was best to stay for our kid.
I believe children should see their parents happy, whether that’s together or apart.
If you aren’t happy together, you must leave for the sake of the kids. Staying in a relationship that is painful, loveless, emotionally distant, and full of resentment does the children and you more harm than good. Staying in an unhappy relationship teaches the kids what they should accept in the future.
If my daughter sees her mommy unhappy all the time because of the actions of her father, she grows up thinking that’s okay. If a son sees his father unhappy because of the actions of his mother or fails to make his mother happy because of his actions, he grows up thinking that’s okay.
The impact of an unhealthy relationship can be damaging to your self-worth and self-esteem and also that of the children, if there are any.
If you can’t leave for yourself because of a lack of self-love, you must do it for your kids because you love them.
When I stayed for as long as I did, I wasn’t strong enough to step out on my own and I didn’t love myself in a way that I would choose myself over the man who hurting me.
Of course. Leaving is hard, but truly loving yourself will give you the strength and the courage to walk away.
When you love yourself, you know in your heart you deserve better than disrespect and emotional abuse. If you are cheated on and you stay, you are showing them that cheating is acceptable and they will not fear losing you.
Someone who truly loves you would never put themselves in a situation where they could lose you forever. If they put themselves in a position where they can lose you forever, then that’s your clue.
It may take time, mental energy, pep talks with yourself, and lots of self-love to gather inner strength, but your heart and your intuition are your best guides. Listen to your inner guidance and you’ll find that it’s been prompting you to leave sooner than later.
If you are unhappy in your relationship and still debating whether it’s time to leave, ask yourself this: What will someone who loves themselves do?
I asked myself this over and over again and the answer came to me one day. There is no way on earth, in heaven, or in hell that a person who really loves themselves would stay in a toxic relationship where they are not appreciated and allow themselves to be treated poorly.
You have to ask yourself that same question over and over again until your soul speaks.
Do you love yourself enough to choose you?
Choosing yourself and your happiness over an unhealthy relationship is a sign of strength and self-love, both of which can be developed and cultivated if you lack them.
Once you develop the strength to walk and cultivate the self-love to keep walking, you will be shocked that you stayed for as long as you did.
It will be difficult at first when you turn your back on the relationship, but you will learn how to survive on your own. You will get to know yourself and you’ll love your heart. You’ll choose yourself and keep choosing you. Then you’ll develop yourself. That’s what I did.
It was after I left my toxic relationship that I found myself and then found God. Then I found my purpose, wrote a book to give strength to those who didn't have it, and now I’m the happiest girl all on my own.
My happiness now comes from within. When happiness comes from within, it turns into joy, and joy can’t be taken away from you. My happiness and my joy are mine.
I understand that some relationships can survive after trust has been broken. When you truly love someone and they are working hard to earn back your trust, then it may be worth it to work through the issue. But from my experience, I know one thing to be true: once a cheater, always a cheater.
Never forget that.