4 Ways to Become Instantly More Attractive
Authenticity and vulnerability are keys.
“It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.” — Agatha Christie
I wonder, what makes people attractive, is it their beauty, intelligence, or success in life?
Certainly, none of them, you don't need to be a top model, the smartest, or the wealthiest. You can beat all of them with charisma. To get it you just need to be yourself.
Sounds easy right? — but it’s not. There are many obstacles that limit us to act like the person we are.
In our society the rules are already set to follow, you cannot act differently without the fear of people’s judgment. Hence, you end up thinking that to be different isn't smart.
When you reach authenticity it means you got the confidence to act how you are, regardless of what people think about it.
Certainly, it’s easy to recognize insincere people. And when people try to trick you.
A few weeks ago I was watching a video, the host started his show in a funny way. Later on, he turned into a salesperson, pushing people to buy his service. His intention was obvious.
The idea to sell his product was good. The way he approached was the problem. I wanted to watched his video first without the pressure to buy. His way made me anxious at the moment. He went from charismatic to annoying.
Do you wonder why I state this example?
Because the idea to get something out of any situation make a person automatically unattractive.
As Winston Churchill states:
“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”
That made me think, what makes people be attractive and charming and influences others.
Let's break this down.
It is simple but not easy to be charismatic
“How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.” — Dan Reiland
An overacting person is obvious and disappointed at the same time. The most charismatic people that I knew are the people who act, no just talk, according to their values.
I don't know what your values are. But is essential to focus that everything you do in your daily routine, the actions, and decisions are according to your values. They can be:
- Integrity
- Creativity
- Money
- Knowledge
The moment that you start to act knowing your values you automatically look charming and people notice it.
I remember when I was a child I had a conversation with my father and I asked a question because I noticed he was always working by himself and I asked why? he said:
I never wanted a boss in my life, I never wanted to have someone who will say whatever I have to do regardless of what people think. It isn't advice for you. It is just how I think.
That conversation resonated with me. I was 12 years old. I didn't get it at the moment. Now when I think about it. My father was acting all his life according to that value. Being his own boss and have the freedom to act in his own way was a priority in his life despite the money he could make.
He used to have good people around him. All of them telling me amazing stories about him. The best friend ever. God or bad, he kept his beliefs, and that made him a charismatic guy.
Charisma is a result of living rightly, in alignment with your values and beliefs.
The key is to give your full attention if you want truly connect with them
“Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager.”― Susan Sontag
I repeat this in almost all my posts but it is a powerful habit that no one puts a real focus on. And that clarifies how selfish we are.
Time consumes us. We are on autopilot trying to be heard but we don't want to listen. We like to pretend that we are listening to make others feel good.
If you don't listen with the intention to understand don't pretend to attract people.
Weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend and I didn’t even remember what I told him. After weeks he asked me about the project I was telling him. I was surprised but at the same time, I felt good.
When people remember or rephrase things you told them before. That people turn to attractive and charismatic for everyone. They are real listeners.
Just pay attention to people and listen with intention, you will see how your attractiveness increase.
Spend More Time Doing Interesting Things.
“I realized something on the ride. I realized if I wait until I’m not scared to try new things, then I’ll never get to try them at all.”― Marie Sexton
Is it sounds obvious, right? But let's be honest everything is obvious for everyone who never does anything in life.
Common sense is actually not the same as a practice common sense. One thing I learned from my wife was the ability to try different things, things that scared me the most. I was stunning how she can try so many things in life.
She is a YouTuber, she is making her course online, and she always was trying different things. She’s like a chameleon, and that particular characteristic was massively attractive for me.
To be honest I learned so much from her. Just the ability to try different things regardless of the other’s opinion.
I keep trying different things. And the funny thing is I discovered what I love from the moment I break the barrier and started something different.
The truth is the more things you try, the more interesting you are, the more people will like you.
You can “beat everyone” by being authentic and vulnerable
“What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful.” — Brené Brown
Years ago (hopefully I changed), I wanted to impress everyone, girls, guys, pretending I was the smartest guy in the room. I felt sorry for myself. The way I was acting was ridiculous. I wonder now, what did I want to gain acting like that?
I got it, there are ages in life when we are not confident in what we are doing. I used to lie to everyone. The truth is you can lier to everyone but not yourself.
I had a friend, he used to lie to other friends telling them that we did things we didn't. He didn't even tell me about it. I felt too embarrassed. The funny part he used to believe that fake story. I remember once I told him. Hey, that never happened, wake up!
No one likes being tricked, to realize the person in front of them is simply using them for some ulterior motive.
Be yourself with your mistakes, show your feelings, and share your fears to people that make you attractive.
Listen everyone has fear. Fear is not bad, it is something we have to face to be better.
When you embrace vulnerability. People started to open themselves, they recognize they have a lot of things in common.
Stop acting like the person that you are not.
In Conclusion
Most people who try to be charming and influential come off as fake and superficial. The art of charisma isn’t about tricking people into liking you, it’s about being fully yourself.
Being yourself is hard in this society but it is worthy to live all your life in that way. My father isn't a rich man. But I admire him, he was always acting according to his values, he never hesitates in what he believes, until now still thinking and living accordingly.
And that is charming and attractive.
If you want more stories like this or different topics, let me know here!
Godofredo Rojas is a writer, chef, and constant learner from Peru. He studied in Le Cordon Bleu in Lima, Peru. He moved to New York in March 2011. You can find him on Facebook and Twitter.
