4 Ways Some People Guilt Trip You For Setting Boundaries

Introduction To Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for mental health. Boundaries are set to determine where you are willing to meet other people. They allow you to live a balanced life.

Boundaries are about what you are willing or not willing to do — they aren’t demands on what you want other people to do.

Setting healthy boundaries can be empowering. People who want the best for you will accept your limitations and time constraints. There are some people who want unlimited access to you, your time, or your life. This can apply to strangers, online followers, friends, family members, coworkers, dates, etc.

Setting boundaries with antagonistic people can be difficult, because they will always put up a fuss and play the blame game when they can’t get what they want from you.

Here are some ways people can make us feel bad for setting boundaries:

#1 “You’re Cold/Heartless!”

In the right context this statement can be true. However, blocking a spammer from social media or letting someone know you can’t make it to an event is essential for your well-being.

The waters can get muddy if you have to say “no” to someone closer to you. For example, you can’t make it for a holiday dinner or you ask for some space while you deal with a big change. The antagonistic person will make you feel guilty by saying you’re “cold” or “distant”.

When people set boundaries with us, it can feel as though they are shutting us out. However, keep in mind boundaries are set to maintain relationships rather than destroy them (With the exception of blocking disruptive and rude people — you’ve got to do that sometimes).

#2 “What A Narcissist! She/He Thinks They’re So Great!”

Say you’re not interested in someone romantically (They approached you and asked if you wanted to go on a date but you politely declined) and rather than move on, they want to retaliate against you.

Or you’re at a club and don’t want to dance with a guy, so he gives you the middle finger then trash talks to you to his friends.

Maybe one of your friends isn’t happy you’re not always available, so they believe your lack of availability means that you think you’re too good for them.

Boundaries can bring out insecurity in others, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for setting them.

You can’t be available to everyone all the time. We’d be so inundated with messages, outings, and obligations that we’d never get to do anything for ourselves if we never set boundaries.

#3 “You‘re Really Closed Off!”

As an introvert, I need a lot of alone time just to feel human. Everyone has their own spectrum of how much social time they can stand. I’m aware of what mine is so I set boundaries accordingly.

To be honest, I’ve often given people more time than I was comfortable with and still hear “Wow you spend so much time alone!”

The truth is you get to decide how much time you want to socialize or spend time alone. As long as you don’t have any dependents (who obviously require your time and care), you are free to decide how often you want go solo or spend time with others.

#4 “You’re Very Selfish!”

Selfish defines someone who only takes care of their own needs. However, you can set boundaries with people close to you and still be available for them when they need you.

Saying you like to have some time alone doesn’t mean you are never going to spend time with them, it just means you may not be able to hang out with someone as much as they want.

The truth is we need to be a little selfish sometimes to take care of ourselves.

Truly selfish behaviour overrides the rights and freedoms of others while only taking care of your own needs — if you’re not doing that, you’re not selfish.

Thank you for reading today! I appreciate it. ❤