4 Unusual Questions to Find Your Purpose — Even If You’re Clueless
“What’s my purpose?” isn’t one of them.
Most people have no idea what their life is about. Ask a random person and they’ll give you the deer in headlights stare.
Purpose is essential for your wellbeing. Without it, you feel like you aren’t complete. People deal with this void in different ways, but distraction ranks high on the list of coping mechanisms. The famous soccer player Paul Gasgoine resorted to alcoholism after his career ended and he couldn’t find a new purpose. Getting wasted might numb the pain, but it will never fill the hole.
Your coping mechanisms might be less drastic, but that doesn’t make them any better. You keep your drinking to the weekends, but life still drips out from you, one blackout and Netflix episode at a time.
Imagine what your life could be if you found that burning passion and desire you’re meant to have. Imagine how much fulfillment and satisfaction you’d experience if you just found some meaning in your repetitive and empty trot. Imagine waking up earlier by choice because you’re so excited about the day ahead. I know, I couldn’t believe it either — until it happened.
I don’t blame you for being stuck in your ways and hooked on distractions. Living a mediocre life is convenient, and finding your purpose is hard. Especially if you ask yourself “What’s my purpose?”. It’s too lofty of a question.
There’s no way for you to answer it. It’s like challenging yourself to solve a partial differential equation before you know basic addition and subtraction. Good luck, buddy.
You need another starting point. Instead of better answers, you need better questions. Questions that help you view the issue from another angle. Here are four of them.
#1. How Can You Save the World?
Meaning and fulfillment come from contributing to something beyond yourself.
Research shows that if you want to live a happy and healthy life, you have to prioritize values that go beyond your own pleasure or satisfaction.
It’s a fancy way of saying you have to do something that doesn’t only benefit yourself, but others too.
And hey, guess what — the world has a bunch of issues. Climate change, wars, poverty, malnourishment, politics, and racism are a few of the prominent ones. Loneliness of the elderly, overflowing animal shelters, a screwed-up education system, and that Guacamole at Chipotle costs extra are less prevalent, but just as relevant. I’m sure you can at least double these lists with about five minutes of brainstorming.
Now, think about it — which of these is important enough for you to actually care? Which one needs a healthy dose of “someone should do something about it”? And for which one can you be that someone?
You probably won’t save the world singlehandedly. But you can make a difference, and that’s what counts. You don’t have to build animal shelters all over the country, but you can start by walking the little four-legged orphans or adopting one. If it’s important to you, use social media, start a movement, and get people to join in.
Pencils of Promise started as Adam Braun handed pencils to poor kids during his travels. Today, they’ve built over 500 schools all over the world.
You can make the world a better place. Choose something to contribute and make a difference, no matter how small.
#2. What Did You Love to Do as a Child?
As a child, I was crazy about volcanos. One day in kindergarten, I stood on a chair and proceeded to give a speech about magma and lava. Halfway through it, the eyes of two dozen kids glued to me, I had enough. I stepped off the chair and proclaimed: “Ah, you guys are too thick to get it anyway.” Then I went back to play in the sand and smear my face with mud.
When you’re a kid, you don’t do things for something — you just do. The pictures you paint, the toys you play with, or the pillow forts you build.
As you grow up, this part gets sucked out of you, starting in school. You don’t engage with a subject because you care, but because the teacher says you have to. You don’t study because you care about learning, but to get good grades. You don’t pick your degree based on interest, but depending on its future prospects. As a result, you’re unhappy with your job, just like more than half of US workers.
Extrinsic motivation replaces intrinsic one. You do what works and what everyone else does instead of what fulfills you.
To break the cycle, reconnect with your inner child. Go back into your memories, deep down. Ask your parents or other relatives. What did you love to do when you were young?
I still immensely enjoy not only public speaking but also educating others. It floods me with meaning and fulfillment. For you, it might be different. You might’ve enjoyed listening to your parents talking to friends, cleaning your room, or drawing pictures of machines. Whatever it is you enjoyed, chances are you still do so today.
If you want to find your purpose, listen to your inner kid.
#3. What Pain Are You Willing to Sustain?
Would you like to be a rockstar? A celebrity? Or how about some super-rich entrepreneur who wipes his butt with cheques? It sounds nice. Lying in the sun and bathing in your private swimming pool. Burying your face in mountains of cocaine big enough to make Tony Montana jealous, surrounded by hot girls or guys who anticipate your every wish.
Everybody wants to live that kind of life, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you’re willing to do to get there.
Achieving your dream isn’t about your dream, but about the pain on the way. Everyone has their cross to bear, so get clear about what kind of cross you’re willing to strap on.
The successful entrepreneur had to deal with years of uncertainty. The famous artist had to face rejection hundreds of times. The hotshot lawyer had and has to struggle through 80-hour workweeks.
There are two sides to every coin. Everything sucks eventually. You have to find out what pain you’re willing to take because that’s what it ultimately comes down to. The pain you’re willing to sustain marks your competitive advantage. It’s where you can thrive while others crumble.
#4. Which Cognitive Principles Do You Enjoy?
The less sophisticated version of this question is “what makes you forget to eat and poop?” Not only is it less sophisticated, it also makes you focus on the wrong parts.
During my adolescent years, I loved videogames, just like millions of other teenagers. They made me forget time until the rising sun reminded me that I neglected sleep again. Does that mean I should spend the rest of my life playing videogames because it will fulfill me? Definitely not.
That’s where cognitive principles come in.
See, what I loved about the games I played wasn’t so much the playing itself, although it was fun and engaging. Instead, it was about making progress and getting better. I strived to do the more damage, beat the enemy faster, and grind through tasks as quickly as possible. It’s this craving for improvement, efficiency, and optimization that brought me into the world of personal development and still fuels my journey.
Think about the activities that make you forget time and space. Then, find out what the cognitive principles behind them are.
For you, video games might not be about the progress, but complex problem-solving. Sports might be about teamwork, cooking about creativity, and knocking back beers with your friends about philosophizing.
Find out what cognitive principles you enjoy, and learn to apply them to other areas.
Start Small, Grow Big
Don’t ask yourself “What’s my purpose?” It’s too big a question to be answered in one go. Split it into these four sub-questions and uncover your path step by step.
- How can you save the world? Purpose and meaning come from contributing to something beyond yourself. This question will help you find out what you care enough about to dedicate yourself to it and make the world a better place.
- What did you love to do as a child? As a kid, you do for the sake of doing and occupy yourself with activities you’re drawn to naturally.
- What pain are you willing to sustain? Achieving your dream doesn’t depend on what you want. Instead, it depends on if you’re willing to do what it takes to get there.
- What are the cognitive principles you enjoy? Find out how your brain works, what it likes to do, and what it’s good at. You won’t be able to turn every activity you enjoy into something meaningful, but the cognitive principles behind it can be applied to anything.
Nobody has ever found their purpose by thinking alone. Instead, it’s a result of the action you take.
These questions are great to identify your starting point and something you can work with. But with every step, every thought, and every little bit of effort, you’ll uncover more of your path and get clearer about your purpose.
Start small. Don’t get discouraged if things don’t fall into place right away. Keep going. And if you feel a little, tiny spark, if something feels different about what you just did, then you’re headed in the right direction.
Best of luck on your path.
I help men connect with their masculinity, create a meaningful life, and build better relationships by being more authentic. Sign up for my free 5-minute newsletter and become part of The Authentic Man tribe!