4 Unexpected Things I Learned to Breakthrough Social Awkwardness
A journey from anxiety to self awareness.
I noticed my social awkwardness in my sophomore year of college. While I was shy in class and preferred to avoid public speaking in school, I never thought I was any different than anyone else.
My friends and family would describe me as warm and friendly. Some would describe me as an extrovert. At the very least, I would feel comfortable if someone asked me to give a speech in front of people I knew. I would not be reluctant to give one.
On the first day that we all sat down in an Economics class, I noticed a major difference between my interactions with classmates I was close to and students I had never met before. I would become particularly anxious in small classes where we would have to introduce ourselves.
As we went around the room, my self-consciousness would grow. What would I say? Would people notice my nervousness? Would I say something silly? Will I make a great impression on everyone?
As soon as I received our syllabus for a class, I would look through it to find out how much participation or presentation counted as part of the grade.
I wanted a class where I would take tests and write papers.
I wanted to avoid presentations under any circumstances!
As humans, we are social creatures. Having friends makes us happier and healthier. Social connections are a key factor to our mental and emotional health.
Yet many of us are socially introverted.
We feel awkward around unfamiliar people, unaware of what to say, or filled with worry over what other folks might think of us.
Our anxiety increases when we are placed into situations where we may have to reveal small pieces of personal information about who we are.
The thought of being even a tiny bit vulnerable may bring feelings within our mind of fear, dread, or terror.
This can cause many people to avoid social situations entirely, cutting ourselves off from others, and gradually lead to feeling isolated and lonely.
The truth is none of us are born with social skills. They are things we learn over time.
When it comes to shyness and social awkwardness, the things that we tell ourselves make an enormous difference.
What I have learned about how I see myself in these situations and how others see me is different in reality. The four things that I came to understand from these events are:
People Are Not Thinking About You That Much.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Most people are caught up in there own lives. They are not spending their free time judging you. Just like you are thinking about yourself and your social concerns, other people are thinking about themselves most of the time.
Many People Feel As Nervous In These Situations As You Do.
“I used to feel so alone in the city. All of those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say “Hi.” They may ignore you or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.”— Augusten Burroughs
When you are socially nervous, it can appear that everyone else is self-confident. There are many introverted people struggling with the same doubts as you are.
Some people are hiding it better than others. The person who you are speaking with is just as likely to be worried about what you think of them.
People Are Much More Forgiving Than You Think.
“Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that let’s other people dream outside of the lines and become who they are destined to be.“— Jennifer Elizabeth
In your mind, the idea of doing or saying something embarrassing in public is frightening. You feel that everyone will look at you in a negative way.
If something happens, it is unlikely that anyone will make a big deal about it. Most people will just ignore it and move on.
Develop A Sincere Interest In People.
“Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Do every day a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone’s face.” — Dale Carnegie
Get outside of your head and focus on others. Listen to understand them and the message they are trying to get across. Learn about them. Be curious, genuine, and pay attention to their feelings. Ask questions and find out what interests them. There is always something to discover. Discovering other peoples interests has made my life more enriched.
When I began to realize that people are not scrutinizing my every word, I adopted a different outlook about how I saw myself in social situations.
My thoughts became more settled, and I felt more self-confident. As you see yourself in fresh ways in these situations, you can overcome shyness and social awkwardness and move further down the path of stronger relationships and lasting friendships.