4 Types of Mean Girls and How To Handle Them

Advice from a cool gay dad

Before there was cyberbullying, there was bullying.

Before it was called bullying, it was called high school.

Back in the 1980s, when I went to high school, no one “felt safe.” No one was safe. Not students, not teachers, and certainly not a little gay boy transferred to a large suburban high school in the middle of his senior year.

I was that little gay boy. Little, and obviously gay.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that the hatred I endured daily made my senior year of high school a living hell.

Although Faggot is not my given name (nor my preferred pronoun), many of my classmates used to yell that word at me in the hallways between classes.

Picture a crowd parting like the Red Sea as I walk by.

Despite the trauma, the experience also made me stronger and taught me how to deal with mean people in all shapes and sizes.

As a gay man, I frequently use feminine pronouns and say, “girl, missy, and Miss Thing” for fun and also to emasculate and undermine male hegemony. Here I use the term mean girls as a point of cultural reference for describing mean people, broken down into four basic types.

The 4 Types of People

1. Smart and aggressive
2. Smart and lazy
3. Stupid and aggressive
4. Stupid and lazy

That’s not to say that all people are mean. On the contrary.

However, you’ve probably encountered mean and toxic people at some point in your life, whether they were friends, family, coworkers, bosses, or even love interests.

Having this framework for understanding them will give you the upper hand in handling them.

#1 Smart and Aggressive — Regina George

Smart and aggressive people aren’t all bad. They can be charming, intelligent, and driven people who achieve great things. However, if they see their gifts as a sign of superiority, they can be equally entitled, narcissistic, greedy, and mean spirited.

In the movie, Regina George (Rachel McAdams) epitomizes the latter type. An unfortunate teenage reflection of an all-too-common value system based on consumerism and retrogressive female stereotypes.

Understanding Smart and Aggressive People

When you encounter Reginas (Regina is literally Latin for queen), understand that at some level, they suffer from tremendous insecurity that comes with believing their self-worth is derived from their looks, status, and achievements.

“But you’re, like, really pretty. So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?” — Regina George

They know that someone younger, smarter, prettier, or more talented can take their place at any moment.

How to Deal with Smart and Aggressive People

Pity them.

Know that they are their own harshest critics. No matter what their apparent success; it probably doesn’t feel like enough to them.

Say, “Oh my God, look at you! It must be exhausting, always needing to be perfect.” Then walk away.

#2 Smart and Lazy — Cady Heron

I know Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan) is meant to be the most likable of the mean girls, but she’s the most frustrating for me.

Although Cady clearly has the mental capacity to outwit the others, she spends most of the movie trying to join them. She, therefore, unwittingly becomes complicit, lending tacit approval to, and often enabling bullies. At least in the short run.

Understanding Smart and Lazy People

This type of mean girl isn’t trying to be mean, but their passivity can be ultimately just as cruel. Understand they’re conflict-avoidant, not wanting to make waves, and want to be seen as a nice person above all else.

Sometimes having a friend that won’t stand up for you is just as bad as having an enemy.

”You know I couldn’t invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic.” — Cady Heron

You’d think because they’re basically well-intentioned, you’d think they’d be the most teachable.

Unfortunately, their intelligence or, rather, their belief in their own intelligence can hinder any real change of behavior.

How to Deal with Smart and Lazy People

Tell them directly that you expect more from them. They know what that means. If they don’t, spell it out.

Know that they mean well and are capable of trying harder.

Say, “I like you. I respect you. But now is the time to stand up and do something.”

#3 Stupid and Aggressive — Gretchen Weiners

Stupid and aggressive people are particularly obnoxious because, unlike their smarter counterparts, whom they often emulate, they usually lack their sophistication and charm.

In the film, Gretchen Weiners (Lacey Chabert) personified this personality type. Rooted in envy, they are competitive to a fault. Being of limited intelligence, they are less prone to self-examination, which can cause their mean-spiritedness to fester.

Understanding Stupid and Aggressive People

There’s no nice way to put this. Stupid and aggressive is one of the most toxic combinations because these people tend to be immune to reason, self-awareness, and decency. This is your classic bully.

“You can’t sit with us!” — Gretchen Wieners

The only thing they seem to know is that they are disliked and feared and tend to wear both as a badge of honor.

How to Deal with Stupid and Aggressive People

Drive around them like a bad neighborhood.

Know that fundamentally these people are thugs and henchmen. Few of them will amount to much in their own right. Understand that their anger has nothing to do with you, it is there when they wake up, and it is there when they go to sleep.

Pray for them like this, “Dear God, please don’t let Gretchen choke to death on her own bile.”

Say nothing to them.

If they speak to you aggressively, put your hand in their face and say, “Yeah, we’re not doing this today.” By the time they’ve figured out the insult, you’ll be long gone.

#4 Stupid and Lazy — Karen Smith

It’s probably not politically correct to call people stupid and lazy because that’s labeling them. So let’s call them people experiencing stupidity and laziness.

Whatever you call them, they exist, and Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried) is a prime example. A follower by design, Karen lacked the intelligence and self-awareness to think for herself. She was a stooge.

“On Wednesdays we wear pink!” — Karen Smith

But even stooges can harm. Look at what happened on January 6, when thousands of them were manipulated by Trump and the Republican leadership into attacking the Capitol.

Understanding Stupid and Lazy People

Like everyone else, stupid and lazy people want to be liked and to belong. Unfortunately, their inability to differentiate between right and wrong makes them especially prone to manipulation.

Unlike stupid and aggressive people, stupid and lazy people are seemingly oblivious to how widely they’re disliked.

How to Deal with Stupid and Lazy People

Understand that as malevolent as they may be, they are often the victims of exploitation without the rationale wherewithal to know better.

Know that they will probably never split the atom. Their punishment is their stupidity.

Say “hello.” Be kind and model respectful behavior for them. Maybe something will sink in.

A Fun Fact

According to Wikipedia, Mean Girls is a 2004 American teen comedy film directed by Mark Waters and written by Tina Fey. The movie was inspired by Rosalind Wiseman’s 2002 non-fiction self-help book, Queen Bees and Wannabes, and Fey’s own high school experience.

Evidently, the high school Tina Fey attended was just 20 miles from mine, outside of Philadelphia.

Growing up is hard enough without mean people making it harder.

Don’t be a bully. Don’t let your kids bully people.

Sean Smith is a proud dad and online marketer who tends to write about digital content, coffee, Italy, family, LGBT stuff, and the ROI of Being Nice.

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