4 Tips to Stop Pleasing Everyone And Start Doing What’s Right For You
Important tips for living life on your own terms.
Do you feel burdened by the favors you’ve received, so you feel obligated to give back without restrictions? Or is it the fear of disappointing them that makes you do things you wouldn’t normally consent to?
I get it. It’s in human nature to appear likable. We want to be the friend anyone can rely on.
I used to be that girl who made excuses for her partner’s bad behavior. The nice girl who sucked in degrading compliments from friends and loved ones. I was taught to consider other people’s needs before mine from an early age. As I grew up, I followed this principle in my relationships. When I meet someone, I will be the one to build the connection and stay in touch. Then, ghosting wasn’t a familiar word. If I don’t hear from a friend or lover for a while, I will call or visit to see how they are doing. I thought If I could make people around me happy at my expenses, I would have lived a fulfilled life. I’ve realized that people do not acknowledge or have the courtesy to reciprocate humility and kindness. There is nothing wrong with being nice. It’s a quality that sustains relationships and attracts people to you. I do not regret those days I was nice and gullible. But if you are too nice, you move through life pleasing people, which makes you prone to being neglected. We regard nice people as weaklings. I’m not telling you to change who you are or to be selfish all the time. However, when you feel like you’re constantly being exploited, it’s time to stand up for yourself and get stronger. If you fear that your own opinion and a clear sense of direction will perceive you as arrogant, domineering, or bitchy, you will stray from your worth and lose faith in what you can accomplish.
Putting yourself first is not selfish, it’s self-care
When you are taken for granted, it feels like you are being trembled on. It hurts when your opinions or actions are taken lightly by the people you love. I’ve found myself acting too kind, not because I was scared or weak but simply because I cared. When you are too nice to a person, your actions and values can seem like a given in their minds.
Being there for your partner all the time, or doing all the favors for them without asking too much, will shift the balance in the relationship. The person bestowed with everything will usually not appreciate your true worth and may treat you with indifference. If you are the one who is continuously hurt or the one who constantly adjusts your own behavior to keep the relationship whole, then you are probably not the problem; they are. You may not be able to change what they do, but you can change what you do with their attitude towards you.
Stop underestimating your worth
You have to convince yourself you are of high value for others will acknowledge your worth. There are thousands of people out there who would want to be with you, to caress you, who will do anything to be able to wake up next to you. If you cannot believe you are worthy of being appreciated, no one will.
Listen to your inner voice
There’s that tiny voice that speaks to us. It’s best to speak up right away when something bothers you or you feel you’ve been wronged. This might take some practice. If you miss your chance on the spot, plan your strategy to bring up the issue privately later. Never let anyone disrespect you and get away with it.
Stay away from energy suckers
Toxic people know that a nice person will do whatever they can to make the people they care about happy. If your attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting very long, maybe it’s time to stop. You can walk away and if you must come back, be sure they aren’t still repeating old habits. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings.
Stop playing their mind games
Manipulative people have a way of sending out the vibe that you owe them something. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, then maintaining they were doing it all for you. They will ask you to do something but claim they are testing you. If their request doesn’t feel like a favor, it’s not. Don’t let them box you into a corner. You don’t owe anybody anything.
Parting words
Take some time to reflect on yourself, on the values that are important to you, your goals, and the kind of life you want to live. It’s such a waste to give up your self-esteem and free will to please others.
You can live so freely and beautifully, embracing the joy in the little things. And suppressing this potential because you put other people’s desires before yours keeps you from living that wonderful life you dream of.
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