4 Things I Learned Dating a Recently Divorced Single Mother

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ther</h1><h2 id="a1f2">1. You are not their number 1 priority — and far from it</h2><p id="5435">I realized quite early I was down the pecking order in her list of priorities. Kids would always be the number one priority. And I think everyone would understand and respect that. But in the initial stages, they may have a lot more things that they need to take care of. You may have to expect last-minute cancellations and changes of plans. Kids, work, and downtime were often necessities and I found I had to be more flexible than usual if I wanted to meet her.</p><h2 id="eff5">2. They may carry pain that will rise to the surface at some point</h2><p id="68b5">This really isn't surprising. If you have gone through these difficult times, there are likely to be ups and downs. I thought she was happy as on the surface she seemed it. But there were times when she admitted this happy behavior was a front and she was still struggling with the breakup. They may also still be speaking to a troublesome ex that makes matters worse and affects the way they react towards you.</p><h2 id="a3a0">3. They are unlikely to seek a serious relationship in the initial stages</h2><p id="8cc6">Due to past experience, she was reluctant to jump into something serious. She just wanted to meet lots of new people and have fun. I found she was basically interested in dating me for sex and companionship, despite not actually saying this clearly at the start.</p><p id="71db">Fortunately for me, I was ok with that, but she was dating a lot of other guys at the same time and ma

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ny didn't understand. She didn't seem too happy with me meeting other people, despite her doing the same. It was a confusing setup if I am honest and one I am still baffled by.</p><h2 id="ba8e">4. She may have a desperate need to reclaim her youth</h2><p id="e0de">One thing I found is that she wanted to make up for lost time and years spent in a domestic setup. She wanted to go to a nightclub with 18-year-olds, despite being in her 30s. I really didn't want to go as I had done all this in my youth. I found that she was trying to fill her time with every wild activity going and would barely sleep. It was inspiring to see someone trying to be this active. But it was clear she was doing this to fill a void in her life.</p><p id="e2c0">These 4 things may not be specific to single mothers, but again this behavior was all new to me. Maybe it was just her. Who knows.</p><p id="fee3">One thing I will say is that at times I found it hard to speak of any hardships I was going through as it was almost like nothing I was going through would compare. Any questionable behavior she committed which I would usually call out I was more relaxed towards as again I knew she was still having a tough time. But it kind of made it harder to open up to her and be honest. Which is what any healthy relationship needs.</p><p id="54ae">Has this experience put me off dating a single mother in the future? No. Will it happen again in the future? Not sure. If it does, I will be better prepared and will try much harder to understand her situation more.</p></article></body>

Do you have the patience to never be their priority?

One thing this piece is not designed to be is a bashing of single mothers and recently divorced people. It is a difficult period in anyone’s life and I have the utmost respect for single mothers and how they are able to navigate through such difficult circumstances with a smile on their faces. Honestly, you are all superheroes in my eyes and I don't know how you do it.

People are different and don't react to hardships in the same way. And their relationships/setup with the kids may influence behavior. This is just based on my experience of what I learned dating a recently divorced single mother. I would stress the term recently, as the initial stages are likely to be the hardest and things can change with time.

It was a true eye-opener and certain things I found hard to understand as I have never been through anything like that myself. Maybe I was not well prepared and was at fault for getting myself into a situation I wasn’t ready for.

1. You are not their number 1 priority — and far from it

I realized quite early I was down the pecking order in her list of priorities. Kids would always be the number one priority. And I think everyone would understand and respect that. But in the initial stages, they may have a lot more things that they need to take care of. You may have to expect last-minute cancellations and changes of plans. Kids, work, and downtime were often necessities and I found I had to be more flexible than usual if I wanted to meet her.

2. They may carry pain that will rise to the surface at some point

This really isn't surprising. If you have gone through these difficult times, there are likely to be ups and downs. I thought she was happy as on the surface she seemed it. But there were times when she admitted this happy behavior was a front and she was still struggling with the breakup. They may also still be speaking to a troublesome ex that makes matters worse and affects the way they react towards you.

3. They are unlikely to seek a serious relationship in the initial stages

Due to past experience, she was reluctant to jump into something serious. She just wanted to meet lots of new people and have fun. I found she was basically interested in dating me for sex and companionship, despite not actually saying this clearly at the start.

Fortunately for me, I was ok with that, but she was dating a lot of other guys at the same time and many didn't understand. She didn't seem too happy with me meeting other people, despite her doing the same. It was a confusing setup if I am honest and one I am still baffled by.

4. She may have a desperate need to reclaim her youth

One thing I found is that she wanted to make up for lost time and years spent in a domestic setup. She wanted to go to a nightclub with 18-year-olds, despite being in her 30s. I really didn't want to go as I had done all this in my youth. I found that she was trying to fill her time with every wild activity going and would barely sleep. It was inspiring to see someone trying to be this active. But it was clear she was doing this to fill a void in her life.

These 4 things may not be specific to single mothers, but again this behavior was all new to me. Maybe it was just her. Who knows.

One thing I will say is that at times I found it hard to speak of any hardships I was going through as it was almost like nothing I was going through would compare. Any questionable behavior she committed which I would usually call out I was more relaxed towards as again I knew she was still having a tough time. But it kind of made it harder to open up to her and be honest. Which is what any healthy relationship needs.

Has this experience put me off dating a single mother in the future? No. Will it happen again in the future? Not sure. If it does, I will be better prepared and will try much harder to understand her situation more.