4 Techniques That Freed Me From Years of Anxiety

That you can easily adapt too

By Destiny Femi

It was a week to my seminar presentation in my third year at the university and I was barely having up to three hours of quality sleep.

And my sleeplessness wasn’t because I was spending too much time studying — I was anxious to my teeth.

I would imagine all the ways everything could go wrong.

“What if I forget everything I’ve read.” “What if the projector doesn’t work? “They’ll definitely ask me a question I know nothing about.” And then “Oh my God, I’m going to fail and everyone will laugh at me.”

But as you can attest, if you’ve ever felt this way, things rarely turn out as terribly as they were in our anxious minds. We only paralyzed ourselves with the exhausting task of appearing cool and flawless all the time.

Don’t make your mind a horror cinema

One of the major reasons people become Overly anxious is because they usually think about the many ways things could go wrong.

“What if I mess up during the presentation?” “What if he or she doesn’t like me?” “What if I say something stupid?”

On and on the go making their minds a cinema for the worst possible outcomes. Before they know it, they get scared, heart bits rise and they get distracted from what is actually happening.

The science and health reporter Andrea Peterson, also stressed the role of paranoia in anxious people. She wrote in her book On Edge: A Journey Through Anxiety:

“Anxious people aren’t just constantly on guard; they actually see more peril in the world. If a situation is ambiguous, they are more likely to perceive it as negative or threatening.”

If you’re always getting anxious because you anticipate the worst, understand that we live in a world of infinite possibilities. And the probability that your own reality will turn out well usually lies in how you decide to respond to lies before you.

If you imagine things will go wrong, it becomes really difficult, if not impossible, to take actions that will lead to a different outcome. In fact, since we often impulsively get lost in our thoughts sometimes, try deliberately imagining things going well.

Embrace this one thing we all have in common

We all have bad days. Sometimes things don’t go so well, we make a fool of ourselves and laugh along with everyone else in response to our stupidity — some even write about it.

Calm people understand trying to have it all together is not just exhausting, but also unrealistic.

Anxious people on the other hand don’t have this luxury. They take every mistake — with or without a fault of their own — as a sign of failure. They assume there’s a spotlight on them, magnifying every mistake they make.

Because they can’t differentiate who they are from their mistakes, they do whatever it takes, to not make one. In her book, Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind, Jennifer Shannon also highlighted the following as a problem with anxious people:

“Intolerance of uncertainty: ‘I must be 100% certain.’ Perfectionism: ‘I must not make mistakes.’ Over responsibility: ‘I am responsible for everyone’s happiness and safety.’”

Anxious people see our imperfect nature as a kind of dark side to our existence, to be covered up and avoided by any means possible. Therefore, to counter the effect of perfectionism, see it differently. See it as a ***** that binds us all together. See it as liberation.

Learn to laugh at your own mistakes and accept that as long as you’re human, you, and every single person on earth will keep making mistakes. So feel free to laugh. Laugh when you say the wrong words. Laugh when there’s a typo in your article. Laugh when you spill coffee on your dress on a Monday morning. Laugh, to err is human.

Choose your company wisely

A few years back, while I was still in my music group, I saw first-hand the importance of having the right company. As you would expect, the group had people with diverse personalities, ranging from extroverts to introverts to anxious. What’s interesting is that when we are on stage, almost everyone loses their fear.

Why? We had each other’s back. During rehearsals, there were compliments, constructive criticisms, and encouragement. When everyone in the group shows satisfaction with your performance, you lose any fear of judgment from the audience.

Here’s the thing: Anxious people are overly self-critical and even harsh with themselves. Therefore, surrounding yourself with people who truly care will help you balance the overly critical part of you.

This isn’t about finding people who cover your flaws and always tell you what you want to hear.

Rather, It’s about being around people who will empathize with you; people who won’t see your anxious nature as a flaw they can exploit to feel good about themselves.

Learn to maintain a natural state of attentiveness and relaxation

Anxiety thrives on a distracted mind. It feeds on rumination. Hence, if we can learn to bring our attention to the occurrences in the present without judgment, we can train ourselves to drastically reduce our anxiety.

Practicing mindfulness, helps you learn to observe your thoughts. To just watch them come and go without associating yourself with them. This conscious detachment helps us have enough space to respond instead of anxiously reacting to whatever we are faced with.

Mindfulness can be practiced in different ways.

• You can sit in a straight-backed chair or in a cross-legged position, close your eyes, and pay attention to your breathing process.
• You can also use house chores to practice focused attention. When washing the dishes, mowing the lawn, mopping the floor, or even eating, try to pay attention to only the task at hand. If you wander off, don’t sweat it. Bring yourself back. This is especially effective as it can easily become a habit this way.
• You can also practice walking meditation. Take your walking from autopilot and observe nature. Feel the breeze brush against your skin. Observe your gait. Listen to the sounds around you.

Learning to maintain a state of attentiveness comes with practice and patience. In fact, I still find myself drifting off during my morning meditation — I once slept off. This is why it is important that we make everything we do a form of meditative exercise.

Be it walking, eating, running, or breathing. Living consciously is an invaluable component of a pleasant life.

Keys to bear in mind

No one was born confident and carefree. We live in a high-pressured world, and we all, at some point in our lives have been anxious about something. But with deliberate and consistent efforts, we can learn to look at life in a mindful, relaxed and detached manner.

• Embrace the imperfect nature that we all have in common.
• Deliberately imagine all the ways things can go well. Don’t make your mind a cinema for worst-case scenarios.
• Choose your company wisely. Some people will gladly prey on your anxious nature. Avoid them.
• Learn to maintain a natural state of attentiveness and relaxation by adopting mindful practices.