4 Signs You May Have Inverted Narcissism Tendencies

Narcissism is wildly recognized as the egoic centered over-confidence exhibited by sinister individuals who take advantage of others for their own gain. In the DSM it is defined simply as “a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy”. It’s a popular topic in dating and relationships and we have all heard of, or have had our own brushes with one.

Or at least, that’s what we assume. In reality, very few individuals are diagnosed with actual Narcissistic personality disorder and contrary to popular belief, on some level, we all exhibit narcissistic traits in one form or another. I wanted to note this before starting this article as the stigma around the term can cause a lot of anxiety in those of us who realize we may exhibit unfavorable traits such as a lack of empathy, a need for validation, or manipulative tendencies.

These characteristics are entirely circumstantial — with origins that don’t all include a full-blown disorder to your personality. In fact, an actual narcissist would fail to realize they even exhibited these traits.

Which brings us to this article and the series of posts I’ll be writing on narcissism’s often forgotten friend, inverted narcissism. To keep up to date with all the posts in this series be sure to follow my page and subscribe to email notifications.

What Is Inverted Narcissism?

When we typically think of narcissists our thoughts first go to over-confident and self-centered grandiosity. They portray a façade of importance and self-confidence that, to most who are unaware, cleverly mask a deep sense of insecurity.

One key distinction separates someone with narcissistic tendencies to someone with inverted narcissistic tendencies and it lies in their sense of worthiness. Whilst narcissists display grandiose superiority, inverted narcissists operate from a space of grandiose inferiority.

A narcissist's deep wounds fuel their need to create a mask of self-confidence and importance while individuals with inverted narcissistic tendencies are aware and acknowledge they feel unworthy. This self-belief serves as a lens through which someone with these tendencies lives — bringing with it a host of characteristic behaviors and thought patterns.

This article aims to look at these signs with the reiteration that there is nothing wrong with having these tendencies. Full-blown narcissism and narcissistic tendencies are not the same. I myself have seen these traits through my own journey of healing codependency and self-worth issues.

With that being said, let’s look at these 4 traits.

1. You Relate Everything To Your Lack Of Worth

Narcissists are seen as being the center of their own universe. Inverted narcissism isn’t so different. Whilst narcissism is fueled by an inflated sense of too much worth, inverted narcissism is fueled by a belief of too little.

This is why those of us with low self-worth can find ways to devalue ourselves even when the object of our unworthiness seems irrational. It’s grandiose inferiority — the over-exaggeration of unworthiness. We aren’t, in fact, as unworthy as we think we are — a childhood rooted in blame and trauma have us believing otherwise.

You may find yourself using things such as long replies over text or someone not liking your post on social media as evidence for your lacking. You may also over-analyze conversations and be convinced someone dislikes you; worrying that you said something wrong. Little things become big things when you suffer from low self-worth. Friends or family may question why you take things so personally.

2. You Crave Validation

Due to an over-inflated sense of unworthiness, someone displaying introverted narcissistic tendencies will seek the validation of someone else to fill the hole they feel within themselves.

This will often play out in people-pleasing and a need to get others to like you. Manipulation is a hallmark of typical narcissists and it shows up here, too. People-pleasing is a manipulative behavior that all of us have engaged in from time to time. We believe that if we say the right thing we can get someone to like us — it’s the manipulation of someone else’s thoughts and feelings to make us feel better.

Here, I’d like to reiterate the need to drop the stigma attached to many of these words like “manipulation”. Manipulation can range from small habits like people-pleasing to full-blown emotional abuse as seen in individuals with an actual narcissistic disorder.

Recognize these differences. Ironically, if you have low self-worth you may be quick to attack yourself but don’t. We have all people-pleased from time to time. We have a tendency, not a clinical disorder.

3. You Believe You Deserve More

Someone with introverted narcissism tendencies will acknowledge their low self-view but believe they are worthy of more. This can lead to feelings of frustration when people-pleasing behaviors don’t result in the validation they were used for.

Think of a time you dated someone unavailable and allowed their behavior to slide. You put up with their mistreatment, allowed them to disrespect your boundaries, and waited for a payoff — but it never came. Did you become frustrated at the fact you didn’t get what you wanted? Did you also believe you deserved more than what you were getting?

Ironically, your inability to set clear boundaries and people-pleasing tendencies stopped you from getting what you actually wanted. You believed that trying to appease them and not cause conflict — out of a fear of rejection if you were to speak up — would result in you garnering their approval.

But you didn’t and now you’re angry.

The problem with inverted narcissism tendencies is that our low self-worth drives us into taking sneaky and maladaptive behaviors to get what we want. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more as we should all be striving to be better, but issues arise with how we try to get there.

4. You Exploit YOURSELF

One key difference between individuals with narcissistic tendencies and inverted narcissistic tendencies are the ways they engage in exploitation. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies are likely to exploit themselves rather than those around them — as a narcissist would do.

Simply think of people-pleasing for a moment. An act of self-abandonment for the approval of others. In other words, exploitation of the self. Instead of walking over others, they allow others to walk over them. That is why the person with inverted narcissistic qualities people-pleasers, and it’s also why these individuals can find themselves caught in unhealthy relationships WITH narcissists.

Their insecure grandiosity pushes them into scenarios where their self-worth is validated by their environment. In other words, they self-sabotage themselves to confirm the biases they hold true about themselves. That they are unworthy, that they don’t belong, that they are unlovable.

Final Thoughts

Whilst all this can sound very doom and gloom, all can be helped with awareness and a willingness to grow. Personal growth is far from pretty — these behaviors as testament. Inevitably, low self worth drives us into acting in these ways and working on healing core wounds can help get us out.

For the next article in this series be sure to follow my page and subscribe to email notifications for updates on when I next post.

Thanks,

Joe, Above The Middle.