4 Signs That Indicate Feelings of Hopelessness

And how to overcome them.

We’re stuck in a world that elicits feelings of hopelessness.

We have massive demands put on our shoulders — from doing a good job to providing for our family, supporting our friends, taking care of our health and the list goes on.

For many of us, this can become extremely overwhelming. Our mind and body will naturally go into a state of losing hope, optimism and passion with all these demands.

The reality is, we aren’t even aware of when we drop into this state of hopelessness — we just carry on with our lives.

When I was working as an assistant psychologist, with families of people with psychosis, hopelessness was a common theme.

The thing I noticed was that a lot of the signs of hopelessness are the same between us. We simply lack the ability to be mindful of these signs and implement different strategies to overcome them.

If we’re able to do this, we can combat a lack of hope and optimism, which can help us experience a more fulfilling life.

1. You Deflect Anything Positive

A massive indication of hopelessness is pushing back any positivity or encouragement that comes your way.

We’ve all witnessed and experienced it countless times.

Let’s say you’re going on a rant about how you feel like you’re not chasing your dreams in life. Your best friend might tell you not to be harsh on yourself or may list a few actionable tips to help.

If you respond with phrases like “that’s no good”, “it’s not even worth trying that” or “I’m going to continue being a failure,” it’s a massive sign of hopelessness.

I get that sometimes we don’t want advice when we feel this way.

However, if someone is giving you compassion or encouragement and you’re still deflecting it, then hopelessness could be kicking in.

What to do instead:

1. Notice when you’re doing this — build your awareness of these moments. If you don’t realise you’re doing it, you’re not going to change. Notice these deflecting phrases or even tell your friend to call you out on it.
2. Learn to accept the encouragement — even saying “thank you” to whoever is supporting you is enough to help you push past hopelessness. By accepting the support, you’re welcoming hope and optimism. Practice saying acknowledgment phrases when given this support. This could be saying “I appreciate your help” or “I understand what you’re saying.”

The key here is to first build your awareness of your deflections, then practice welcoming the support.

2. You Start Isolating Yourself From People

I remember when I was failing miserably at applying for jobs — it was rejection after rejection. The thing that will always stick in my mind is the feeling of wanting to be stuck in my room.

I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to do anything and I certainly couldn’t become excited about anything.

When we drift into a hopeless state, isolation becomes our friend.

That’s because it’s easier to shut ourselves down, rather than tackle our lack of hope head-on.

The reality is, we don’t even realise we’re isolating ourselves either. It drifts over us so naturally.

However, when we find ourselves starting to isolate, it could be the injection we need to help tackle our feelings of hopelessness.

What to do instead:

1. Be brave about your hopelessness — isolation is a safety tool. But, something that helped me massively was speaking to my best friend about it. Getting it off my chest felt liberating. When you notice yourself being alone, go to your closest friend or family member and tell them what’s going on.
2. Counteract your isolation — if you isolate yourself, you’ll feel more hopeless. It becomes a cycle. You must try and do something to tackle your isolation. I managed to go to the gym and my friend was crucial in forcing me to go. Having someone there to push me out of isolating myself was a huge win. And, it may be helpful in counteracting your isolation too.

3. You Start to Feel Trapped

When we begin to lose hope, it can feel like there’s no way out of the situation.

We start to question everything — our purpose, decisions and values.

The difficulty is, when we can’t see a route out, our lack of hope and optimism become worse. This sadly increases all the negative feelings we’re experiencing during this time.

Before we know it, we feel completely trapped.

This is a massive indicator of hopelessness because when we’re feeling good, we’re able to see light at the end of the tunnel. We feel supported by people and we always have a plan of how to get out of a sticky situation.

But, when we’re hopeless, it’s so difficult to have a plan in place to get us out of the state we’re in.

What to do instead:

1. Know that your brain can trick you — just being mindful of your brain playing games with you can help you push back these feelings of being trapped. Psychotherapist Amy Morin says your brain “may try to convince you that you can’t succeed or tell you that there’s no chance things are going to get better. But just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate, or downright wrong.” Tell yourself “my brain is playing tricks here — there’s always a way out!”
2. Now make a plan — once you’ve acknowledged it’s your brain playing games, now you can make a plan of how to get out of feeling trapped. Use someone close to you for help. When I went through my jobless period, I made a plan by saying I’ll reach out to every person who rejected me to find out why. It worked and I received a job offer not long after.

4. You Begin to Blame Yourself For Everything

Hopelessness is almost always accompanied by self-blame and self-criticism.

For example, if you keep saying things like “it’s all my fault!” or “of course it’s me that messed up!” it’s no surprise you’ll lose hope.

Studies show that self-blame emotions are highly frequent in individuals with depression, indicating that self-blaming is linked to low moods.

And, when we feel hopeless, a low mood is always on the agenda.

In these cases, having ways to remove yourself from self-blame attributions can protect you from feelings of hopelessness.

What to do instead:

1. Build awareness of your self-blame — Clinical Psychologist, Jonice Webb says, “Self-blame has a lot more power when it happens automatically. Once you realise you’re doing it, you can take control of it.” The idea here is to notice when you’re blaming yourself so you can tackle it. Go as far as making a tally of how many times you blame yourself in one week too.
2. Talk back to your self-blame — when you start thinking everything is your fault, question this. Ask yourself for evidence. Often, there is none. The sooner you realise this, the quicker hope can set in.
3. Use the friend trick — an easy way to stop blaming yourself is to use the attitude you implement with close friends and family. We’re often so nurturing to others and we don’t let them blame themselves for things. Use this kind, nurturing voice on yourself.

Final Thoughts

There are always going to be some points in life when we start to lose faith, hope and optimism.

However, if we notice certain signs that tell us we’re feeling hopeless, the quicker we can tackle them and let hope kick back in.

Keep these four signs in mind as the quicker you notice them, the quicker you can take action against them:

You deflect anything positive.

You start to isolate yourself.

You start to feel trapped.

You begin to play the self-blame game.

You’ll notice a lot of the tips to combat these signs is building awareness to them first. As Buddha says:

“Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think.“