Summary

Forgiveness is a complex, beneficial process for mental and physical health that is distinct from reconciliation.

Abstract

The article "4 Research-Backed Truths About Forgiveness" delves into the psychological and physiological benefits of forgiveness, emphasizing its role in enhancing mental, physical, and emotional well-being. It acknowledges the difficulty of forgiving deep hurts, particularly from significant relationships, and debunks common platitudes about forgiveness. The piece outlines that forgiveness is a process involving acknowledgment of hurt, experiencing and expressing emotions, and ultimately letting go of resentment. It is associated with reduced anxiety, stress, and improved life satisfaction. Forgiveness also has physical health benefits, such as lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system. Crucially, the article distinguishes forgiveness from reconciliation, asserting that while forgiveness is about releasing resentment, reconciliation involves re-establishing a relationship, which may not always be advisable or safe.

Opinions

Common societal sayings about forgiveness, such as "forgive and forget" or "forgiveness always means reconciliation," are oversimplified and can be unhelpful or harmful.
Forgiveness is not a one-time decision but a multistep process that unfolds over time and is not necessarily linear.
The impact of parental neglect or abuse is profound and can manifest later in life as various psychological issues, underscoring the deep significance of early caregiver relationships.
Forgiveness is linked to mental health improvements by reducing negative emotions like resentment, which are associated with stress and anxiety.
Physical health benefits, such as lower blood pressure and improved immune function, are associated with the practice of forgiveness, highlighting the interconnectedness of mind and body.
Reconciliation is not a mandatory outcome of forgiveness; individuals must consider their safety and well-being when deciding whether to re-engage with someone who has caused harm.
Forgiveness is presented as an empowering act that allows individuals to take control of their lives, leading to greater freedom and a release of energy.

4 Research-Backed Truths About Forgiveness

On increased mental, physical, and emotional well-being

The deeper and longer the relationship, the more difficult it is to handle deep cuts and relational turmoil.

We don’t really care what people we barely know do to us. But if we grew up in an environment with an abusive or neglecting parent, chances are those cuts will go deep. The same thing goes for a close friend who might have hurt us a lot.

You know that you have not forgiven somebody if you constantly obsess about that person and complain about what that person does and does not do. Being hurt can also manifest as a sense of loss of a valuable relationship.

A negative relationship with parents is a different story.

Primary caretakers who neglect or abuse their children leave deep cuts. The attachment we have to our parents is necessary for our survival. When we are children, any kind of abuse will manifest later in life as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or even substance abuse. What parents do or don’t do to us affects us at the cellular level.

So, how do you move on from past or current relationships that may have affected you negatively?

Most religious traditions carry reconciliation and forgiveness at their core. Probably because, as long-lasting traditions encompassing several cultures over millennia, they have experienced relational disruption and its effects and the healing power of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Yet, in our modern culture, there is barely any guide on the topic of forgiveness and how you can go about it.

Our culture is filled with platitudes on the topic that are, at best, unuseful and, at worst, even hurtful. Here are some of them that you may be familiar with:

Forgive and forget. Forgiveness is always the best option. Forgiveness always means reconciliation. Forgive for your own sake. Time heals all wounds.

The truth is that forgiveness is much more complex and individual than these platitudes suggest.

Here are 4 research-backed truths about forgiveness:

#1. Forgiveness is associated with improved mental health

Forgiveness is defined as letting go of resentment and burying the hatchet.

Letting go of negative emotions such as resentment is associated with improved mental health because we know that negative emotions are associated with stress and anxiety. In other words, negative emotions disrupt your mental health. People who are able to forgive show less anxiety and stress. Forgiveness is associated with higher life satisfaction.

#2. Forgiveness is a process that takes time

You can’t simply decide to forgive somebody.

Saying that you forgive somebody is not enough.

Forgiveness cannot be forced. It is a process that involves the following steps:

Acknowledging the hurt.
Experiencing and expressing the hurt.
Ultimately letting go of the resentment.

Each step may take different amounts of time. In my experience, the process is not linear.

#3. Forgiveness benefits physical health

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that forgiveness is associated with physical health benefits.

After all, we are biopsychosocial beings. That means our mind and body are one and the same. It also means we are constantly in relation with others. Anything we do and experience is an experience of this reality.

Some of the benefits are lower blood pressure and an improved immune system.

#4 Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation

It’s important to make a distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.

Forgiveness is the process where you let go of resentment with all the necessary steps listed above.

Reconciliation goes further. It means that you get back into relationship with whoever hurt you and caused the wound in the first place.

It would be unwise to get back into a relationship with a narcissist or psychopath who will repeatedly hurt you if you are in relationship with him. However, forgiving that person and forgiving yourself for being in such a relationship, to begin with, could prove to be the wisest thing you ever do.

Forgiveness ultimately involves healing.

If you want to take responsibility for your own life. If you want to live your life and not hand over power to somebody else, then forgiveness is of the essence.

Ultimately, with forgiveness comes greater freedom and release of energy. But as suggested by research, it requires honesty and a process where you acknowledge and express whatever you feel has happened to you.