avatarNathalie Weisz

Summary

The author reflects on the personal growth and life lessons learned from their parents' divorce, expressing gratitude for the experience.

Abstract

The author shares their journey of coping with their parents' divorce, which initially brought shock and emotional turmoil. Through the process, they learned the importance of personal happiness, the possibility of having multiple soulmates, the resilience to endure pain, and the realization that their parents are individuals with their own complex lives. The author emphasizes the value of taking control of one's own life, the dynamic nature of relationships, and the strength gained from overcoming adversity. Despite the initial hardship, the author now views the divorce as a pivotal moment that led to valuable insights and a deeper understanding of life and relationships.

Opinions

  • The author believes that personal happiness is paramount and that individuals must take action to change their circumstances if they are unhappy.
  • They suggest that people can have multiple soulmates throughout their lives and that it is normal for relationships to evolve or end.
  • The author asserts that experiencing pain and failure is an integral part of personal growth and does not diminish one's ability to find joy in the future.
  • They recognize that parents are human beings with their own emotions and challenges, which can lead to vulnerability and personal growth within the family dynamic.
  • The author does not view divorce as inherently negative, acknowledging that change and time can affect relationships in various ways, and that new beginnings are possible after a relationship ends.

4 Reasons Why I am Happy my Parents got a Divorce

I am forever grateful for the life-lessons their divorce has taught me

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

My parents got divorced when I was a teenager and this was very very hard. If you’re going through the same situation; I feel your pain. It took me many tears to come to the realizations I have now. I now look back at the whole journey with gratitude and a smile, but I will never forget the struggle.

You will get through this.

My parents met during a skydiving trip when they were 19 and 23 years old. At the age of 27 and 31, they got married and I was born that same year. We lived in a little apartment in the south of Amsterdam. My sister was born 3 years later. We were a happy family for a long time. Actually, I never ever doubted my parents’ relationship.

But nothing lasts forever right…

I remember it very clearly. My sister and I were together in the living room and my mom told us she was going for a walk with my dad. This was something that surprised me so much. It was almost suspicious. When I think about it now, I never saw them walking hand in hand or sitting close to each other on the couch while watching a movie. So you can imagine how surprising it was to hear that they went for a walk together.

The next morning, on a beautiful Sunday, they entered the room where my sister and I were watching tv. They asked us to pause the show we were watching and right after doing so I got nervous. I thought: Are they going to say what I think they’re going to say? How I knew that that was going to be the moment, I have no idea. It might have been the look on their faces or the way they entered the room. I don’t remember what words they used exactly, but it was true. There was bad news. They got a divorce.

I grabbed some pillows and started throwing them around the room. I was screaming. I was crying. I felt lost and it hurt.

This day was not the end, but the beginning of a long journey to independence and acceptance. The day my parents got divorced was incredibly hard, but the months that followed were harder.

This is what that journey has taught me.

I am the host of my own party

My mom was the person who decided to get a divorce. But why did she do it? This was something I was asking myself for a long time. I just couldn’t understand it. The answer was actually pretty simple:

she wasn’t happy anymore.

My mom had been living feeling unhappy for quite a long time, and I think she didn’t even notice it was her relationship that was pulling her down. We moved a couple of years before the divorce and she has told me that that happened because she thought it would make her happier. But it didn’t.

When she realized it was the relationship that was holding her back, she decided to make an end to it. I can imagine it was not a decision she just made overnight, but however it happened, I am so proud of her. We spoke about her decision months after the actual divorce and that conversation showed me the importance of taking the lead in my own life. When I’m not happy, I have to change something. Only I can do that, only I can make those decisions.

Your life is like a party and everyone around you are your guests. You are the one able to invite new people to your party, and you are the one able to kick people out of your house when they mess up or pull you down in any way.

Divorcing was my mom’s way of telling my dad “Hey, this is not working anymore, I won’t invite you to my party again.” She chose her own happiness.

We don’t just have one soulmate

My parents were happy for a long time and I think that they were a good fit during their 20’s and early 30’s. My parent’s years of fun and love just ended after a certain time. It happens.

I truly believe that there are multiple soulmates for us on this planet. We are lucky when we meet one of them during our twenties, but we might meet another one during our 40’s, and that is okay. People change. Besides that, there is the harsh truth of many things not lasting forever. Time can change a lot.

But there is no need to feel sad about things in your life coming to an end because your path doesn’t end, you will meet someone else and it might even be better than last time!

My parents are both very happy now with their new partners.

I can go through pain, and still be fine

My parents’ divorce and the months that followed also showed me how strong people are. We can go through a lot of pain and complicated emotions and still be okay.

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” — Nelson Mandela

Before my parents’ divorce, I hadn’t really gone through any sort of hardship. But it’s those moments, and those moments only that make us stronger people. And after the pain, even though it might be always present, there is going to be sunshine. You will feel joy again!

My parents are also just people

I remember my dad entering the kitchen months after the divorce, to tell us that he had met someone he really liked. I could tell he was nervous. I thought to myself: “oh, he is also just a person who now has a crush on someone, just like I can have that.”

This is one of the many moments during the divorce and aftermath that showed me how my parents are also just people. It sounds incredibly simple, but realizing that they also have their own complicated minds and lives, was important to me. They were vulnerable, we spoke a lot, we cried, we fought and hugged.

This realization is very important because not only our parents but everyone around us is just another individual with their own life full of thoughts, ups, and downs. Everyone goes through hardships in their own way, and I feel that we oftentimes forget this.

Divorcing. It’s almost in fashion nowadays, isn’t it? But I don’t see that as a bad thing. Divorcing just because you don’t feel like working hard and putting effort into your relationship is not the right thing to do in my eyes, but that isn’t always the case. People change, relationships change and time passes. It’s inevitable. Sometimes time and change do good to a relationship and sometimes they don’t. Whatever happens, your path continues, and someone else will join you along the way.

Divorce
Life Lessons
Mental Health
Self Improvement
Personal Growth
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