4 Parts Of Conversation That I’d Like To Eliminate
Conversation questions that annoy me to no end
I would enjoy conversing all day long if I didn’t have to do it with people. Just kidding.
I’m not a huge conversationalist. If I’m asked a question, I’ll give you the answer. That’s all I’ll give you. I’m not into giving the background or other information that might make the answer more interesting. Short and sweet is how I roll.
My wife on the other hand will make you wish you had more time. I once asked a closed-ended question like “how many people were at the funeral today?” I didn’t expect an exact amount. “About 50” would have sufficed. But what I got was “difficulty parking”, “people don’t dress up anymore”, “how emotional the eulogy was”, etc. Then I got the answer I was looking for.
I won’t meet many of my readers in my lifetime. But just in case I do, maybe at a writers’ conference somewhere, let me give you some questions to avoid so that we can have a productive, meaningful conversation.
Here is a list of things/statements that people do in conversing with me that I hate.
1. They question the answer I give.
Let me explain.
“Would you like a slice of cake?” you ask. “No, thank you,” I answer. “You don’t?” you respond. Grrrr!
Or:
“Did you shovel the driveway yet?” “No, not yet.” “You haven’t? Grrrr!
This question can be disguised as ‘checking for understanding’ or ‘making sure you heard correctly’. I take it as not believing what I said or wanting me to change my mind.
How can I not want another slice of cake?
What do you mean you haven’t shoveled the driveway? Get on it!
Even if the question is well-meaning, I don’t like repeating myself. Please don’t make me.
2. Do you really believe that?
Let me save you some time. If I said it, I believe it. That doesn’t mean I’m not unwilling to have my mind changed. But until that time just respond to my argument without feigning incredulity at my point. This is usually an argument tactic to put me on the defense. I once had a conversation that went something like this:
“Are you for the death penalty?” I was asked. “Yes,” I said. “You are?” he responded. Grrr! “As long as it’s certain guilt, yes.” “Do you really believe that?” Grrr! “Yes.” “I’m surprised that you would be for the death penalty,” he added. “Why?” “People of colour are more likely to be on death row than other groups.” Grrrr! Red Herring! Irrelevant! Attempt to put me on the defensive.
This deflection stops the discussion about the merits or not of the death penalty and moves it to racism in the justice system. That’s what saying “Do you really believe that?” can do.
Please don’t ask me that. I won’t answer it and I will keep you focused.
3. Can you do me a favour?
Okay, can you just ask me what it is you would like me to do? This preamble of “Can you do me a favour?” is just annoying.
How many of you have asked that question and have had a, “No, I can’t.”
How many of you have been asked that question and have said “No.”
I’ll bet none of you to both questions. So why continue with it.
“Can you drive me to work today?” “Do you mind switching your shift with me?” “Can you help me move this sofa?”
Doesn’t that sound better than throwing the ‘favour’ thing in front of it? I think it does.
So please stop!
4. “Do you know what I like?”
“Do you know what I think we should do?” “Do you know what I’m thinking right now?”
I consider these rhetorical questions but the questioner demands an answer by their silence following the question. Here’s the thing. I’m not God. The answer to every one of those questions is “No!”
Now, if you immediately follow those questions with the answer, I’m good.
“Do you know what I like? Vanilla ice cream.” “Do you know what I think we should do? Go for a drive.” “Do you know what I’m thinking right now? How blessed I am to have you in my life.”
Even better though is to forego the question.
“I really like vanilla ice cream!” “I think we should go for a drive!” “I feel so blessed to have you in my life!”
Isn’t that better? I think it is.
These 4 items give you a glimpse of how I don’t like conversations to go.
- Don’t assume I know what you’re thinking. I’m not God.
2. Don’t ask me questions I don’t need to answer because I’ve already answered them.
3. I’m not interested in preambles. Just get to it.
4. If we’re engaged in a debate, stay on point. Don’t expect me to have a certain opinion based on the group you have me in: black, straight, Christian, male. We don’t think the same and nor should we be expected to.
I’m looking forward to meeting and conversing with all of you someday. I’m sure that it will be a great day.