Summary

The article humorously presents four unconventional and satirical purchases under $100 that the author claims have significantly improved their life, including Bitcoin in 2011, hiring personal assistants, employing a live-in chef, and using a friend's private jet.

Abstract

In a tongue-in-cheek piece, the author shares their experience with four items or services that they claim have drastically enhanced their productivity and quality of life, each costing less than $100. These include an investment in Bitcoin back in 2011, which has appreciated significantly, despite the author's inability to remember their wallet password. The author also humorously details their decision to hire personal assistants to handle mundane tasks like grocery shopping and lawn mowing, allowing for more focused work time. Additionally, the author boasts about employing a chef who lives in their mansion and prepares fresh bread daily, and they recount a time when they paid a friend to use his private jet for meetings with Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos. The article is concluded with a disclaimer stating it is fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

Opinions

The author suggests that investing in Bitcoin in its early days was a life-changing decision, despite the stress caused by forgetting the wallet password.
Hiring personal assistants is portrayed as a beneficial choice that frees up the author's time for more profitable activities.

HUMOR

4 Items Under $100 That Improved My Life

Hopefully, they will do the same for you

If you’re reading this, you probably want to be more productive in 2022. Perhaps that’s because you want to make more money, read dozens of books, or become fluent in another language.

The only problem? You’re super busy. Despite wanting to be more productive, you don’t have enough time in your busy schedule to apply every productivity tip on the internet. It sucks, right?

Look, I don’t pretend to have all the answers. And unlike some writers on this platform, I don’t claim to be a productivity guru who knows better than everyone else. Of course not.

So, why should you read this article? I can give you several recommendations that worked for me. These items/services cost less than $100 and massively improved my life. Hopefully, they’ll do the same for you, too.

$99 Worth Of Bitcoin In 2011

If I could go back in time, I would’ve bought a lot more.

I purchased 3.2 Bitcoin for a total of $99 back in June 2011. Now, that sum is worth over $150k.

This changed my life because I can’t remember the password to my Bitcoin wallet. So, I go to bed feeling extremely stressed each night. And obviously, that makes me grumpy in the morning. Ugh.

I Hire Personal Assistants To Do My Chores

As a full-time writer, I don’t have time to go grocery shopping or do anything else that requires a significant amount of time. Instead, I hire personal assistants to do everything for me. Woohoo.

I pay Fabio $12 to mow my lawn each morning. I also give a $32 tip to Sergei for going to Whole Foods and purchasing my groceries. As you can tell, I’m pretty generous when it comes to paying other people.

Hiring personal assistants has changed my life because I can make a lot more money now that I don’t need to go outside. Everything is done for me. Which brings me to my next point…

I Pay A Chef To Live In My Mansion

There are 12 bedrooms, and it’s located right next to the beach. So, there’s plenty of space for my chef, Romeo, to fulfill my dietary needs.

At precisely 3.45am each morning, Romeo walks to the kitchen and prepares some freshly-baked bread from scratch. I love eating that for breakfast because it tastes delicious.

Since bread only takes a few hours to make, Romeo doesn’t mind. He has only spit in my food twelve times. That’s much less than the previous guy I hired for $7 an hour.

I Gave My Friend Cash To Use His Private Jet

Did you know that flying in a private jet is way more fun than a regular commercial airplane? Neither did I until I got to fly on my buddy’s private jet to Texas. However, anyone with a brain could make an educated guess that private jets are awesome.

I gave my friend $99 to fly with him on a private jet because I needed to meet Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos for lunch. It’s something we do once per month to keep in touch. Plus, Jeff and Elon always give some great advice to lower my tax bill.

Yay.

My life has changed dramatically since I purchased the above items/services for less than $100. Now, it’s much easier to be productive and make more money now that I’m not doing tedious tasks like cooking and grocery shopping.

Take a look at what I’ve done and consider following in my footsteps. It will only be a matter of time before your life improves, as well.

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Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered financial, business, or investment advice.