4 Incredibly Easy Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem
Revisit your past successes and embrace them.
What we do and how we feel is affected by our overall view of ourselves and personal value.
If I’m about to deliver a presentation to a bunch of strangers, I’m far more likely to succeed if I think I am capable of delivering a mind-blowing presentation compared to if I have an intense fear of failing.
The reality is, your self-esteem is a massive driver of your well-being, motivation and quality of life.
We’re experts in lowering our self-esteem — it’s easy for us to focus on our weaknesses — we remember negative experiences far more easily — we compare ourselves to others and see them as better.
As someone who is a firm believer in self-improvement and who has worked with people to improve their mental health and well-being, it saddens me to see this. Instead, boosting your self-esteem couldn’t be simpler. It all starts with noticing and valuing your achievements.
1. Revisit Your Past Successes and Embrace Them
When something doesn’t go to plan it’s easy to dwell on these moments and start ruminating. This doesn't make us feel good. We start to lose the belief we have in ourselves and our subjective view of ourselves decrease.
Similarly, we continually compare ourselves to others. If someone can successfully go on a diet and shed off a lot of weight, we immediately think we’re no good if we’ve tried to do something similar in the past and failed.
But, what’s invisible to us is how they view themselves.
Don’t trick yourself into thinking they’ve accomplished something with ease. They likely see themselves as capable of accomplishing the goal. They know what their strengths are and work with them. And, they don’t dwell on negative experiences — they get on with it.
Don’t worry about things that haven’t gone so well or what others are doing. This is what kills our self-esteem. Instead, you can build your self-esteem by looking at your achievements and noticing them. Take these successes in an say to yourself “I did well to achieve this!”
It’s a waste of time thinking about a negative incident from the past.
A simple tip is to set aside time in your week to look back at your successes. Explore what you did well. Visualise how you felt during those moments. And, pay attention to your current mood when you do this too.
After doing this, you’re far more likely to see your value and your worth.
“To establish true self-esteem we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.” — Denis Waitley
2. Challenge Your Critical Thoughts
It’s so easy to tell yourself because you failed at one thing, it means you’re no good at everything else.
If you receive a bad grade on an assignment, we can’t help but think we’re worthless or that we’re doomed for bad grades. This is just one example of a self-critical thought and unfortunately, there are tons.
As these critical thoughts are so automatic, the harsh reality is that we’re probably lowering our self-esteem without even realising it. Studies show that those with depression who have more self-critical thoughts have lower self-esteem.
Instead, taking a stand against these critical thoughts can stop you from stomping on your value and worth. Researchers found that a programme that reappraised self-critical thoughts was effective in increasing self-esteem. It’s a stepping stone to increasing your self-esteem because you’re protecting the way you view yourself.
If you’re not challenging your critical thoughts or are struggling to do so, the first step could be to notice when these thoughts appear and call them out. You might notice they occur straight after you receive some bad feedback or when you’re not in a great mood. Call them out by writing them down to yourself.
You then need to weigh up the evidence for and against these thoughts. For example, the evidence for thinking you’re doomed to get bad grades is that you received a bad grade in one subject. The evidence against it could be that you’ve done well in other subjects too.
Finally, the fun part. It’s time to develop a more positive but realistic thought. In our bad grade example, you might say:
“I didn't get through this one. Next time, I’ll study harder and I’ll get through it. One bad grade doesn’t define me.”
Every time you do this you’re increasing your self-esteem because you’re instilling more optimism in your outlook and you’re stopping yourself from viewing yourself negatively.
3. Accept The Compliments People Give You
When we’re in a state of low self-esteem, our confidence might be low. We may focus on our weaknesses and it’s very easy to doubt ourselves too.
The problem with this is it becomes extremely difficult to break out of this cycle.
Even if people tell us how great we are or we complete a task well, our mind can brush it off. Research shows us that in a state of low self-esteem, we are far more likely to reject the positive feedback given to us and be resistant to compliments.
Whilst it’s tricky to tap out of this habit, it doesn't mean we can’t learn to accept the compliments people give. Doing so can play a massive role in enhancing your self-esteem. It enables you to focus your attention on how valuable other people see you or how grateful they are for you which impacts how you view yourself too.
A simple strategy to do this is “prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback,” says licensed psychologist Dr Guy Winch. This could be saying something simple like “that’s really nice of you to say that,” or “that means a lot to me, thanks.”
Dr Winch continues to say:
“In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.”
4. Dare To Try Some Self-Compassion
We are conditioned to be harsh on ourselves. If we don’t achieve something and fall short, an immediate response is to criticise ourselves. This is because society demands more success and being critical can be our way of trying to push ourselves.
The truth is, this dampens our mood, makes us think we’re not valuable and builds a perception that we’re no good.
The funniest thing about all this is if our friend falls short on something, how caring, nice and compassionate are we? The answer is — extremely.
We’re experts in compassion for our friends and family but novices in self-compassion.
If we’re always kind and caring to those closest to us, why should we not use this approach on ourselves? After all, we use this approach on others to stop them from kicking themselves and protecting the way they view themselves.
A simple technique that I advocate for with many individuals I have worked with is the “treat yourself as you would treat a friend” approach.
When you encounter these tough moments or you fall short at something, talk to yourself like you would to a friend who has just gone through the same experience. It encourages a more gentle and warm approach towards yourself.
Doing so can really give you a boost in self-esteem because you’re not kicking yourself when you’re down, which protects how you view yourself.
Final Comments
Our self-esteem is crucial because it involves how we view ourselves. This underlies our actions, how we feel and our quality of life.
We engage in so many behaviours and negative thoughts that crush our self-esteem without even realising it. Instead, we can take a more active approach to not only protect our self-esteem but also enhance it. Utilising these four strategies can do just that:
Revisit your past successes and embrace them.
Challenge your critical thoughts.
Learn to accept the compliments you receive.
Dare to try a bit of self-compassion.
Simply picking one of these strategies may have a profound impact on your self-esteem. You never know unless you try.