4 Important Signs That Show Your Kindness Is Mistaken For Being a “Doormat”

There is a fine line between being kind and people walking all over you…

Kindness can often be mistaken as being viewed as a doormat. That is, people will think they can do whatever they want with you.

We’re told to be kind and shown how to be kind but there are situations where that kindness will be taken advantage of. And, if we don’t address this or notice the signs this is happening, people will continue to manipulate and take advantage of you.

Nobody wants to be that person. I certainly want to show acts of kindness but I don’t want people to walk all over me.

Here are four important signs that show your kindness is mistaken for being a doormat.

1. Your Needs Are Unmet

It’s easy to fall into a trap of constantly trying to meet the needs of others rather than your own, in an attempt to be kind.

I’m all for doing things for others but it becomes a dangerous game when none of your needs are met. People will start to view you as someone who will bend over backwards for them and do everything you can. But, if you’re constantly sacrificing your own needs for others, people will start to walk all over you. And, if your needs are unmet it can be harmful to your wellbeing.

It’s a sign that people think they can get anything they want out of you which can turn into manipulation.

2. People Always Refer to You to Do Things

It’s a nice feeling when people say that you’re the person to go to for something. You can feel like an expert and will probably welcome anyone who comes to you for help.

However, there is a difference between being the expert and people coming to you because they know you will simply agree to do things.

That’s why an important sign that your kindness is mistaken for being a doormat is if people refer to you to do things but only because they know you’ll say yes. They will say things like “Oh, Saarim will do it, ask him,” and will constantly do this.

That’s when you need to put your foot down and show assertiveness. Tell them you can’t do it right now so they will need to ask someone else. The reality is if you keep going along with it and say yes, it reinforces to people you will agree to anything. So, they will continue to refer to you and take advantage.

There’s nothing wrong with being kind and helping people with things, but don’t let it turn into them expecting you to always say yes.

3. People Do Not Appreciate The Things You Do

When doing something nice for someone, it’s nice to hear back how grateful someone is for you or those simple words “thank you.”

But, an important indicator that people are taking advantage of your kindness is when they’re not appreciative of things you do. It’s their way of saying “I’ve got what I need from you.” They’ll continue with their day and probably come back to you at some point soon because they know your kind and they will feel they can get away with asking you for anything.

The danger with this is it can impact your self-worth. You might feel you’re doing a nice thing for someone but they’re unappreciative. That can make you feel bad about yourself and can literally feel like someone is trampling all over you.

So, if you notice this important sign, don’t be afraid to call people out if they’re not saying thank you. Better yet, tell them you won’t do things again if they aren’t grateful. You need to protect your view of yourself too.

4. People Contact You Only When They Need

Right now, it’s easy to know and be connected to loads of people. But we don’t really know most of them. Relatively few people who are close to you will stick by you through thick and thin.

That’s why, if people are only contacting you because they need something, it’s often because they think they can get away with anything from you. They’re not really interested in staying connected so will only reach out for a favour.

If you don’t hear from someone for a while but they pop up every few months to ask for a favour, it’s a sign they feel you will always say yes, no matter what because you’re a kind person. So, take note of those who are actually there with you through the good and bad.

Final Thoughts

Doing nice things for others and being genuinely kind are important. But, it can easily turn into people viewing you as someone they can walk all over. That’s not a nice feeling and nobody deserves to be treated that way.

That’s why it’s up to you to notice those small psychological signs that tell you people could be viewing you as a doormat. Keep these four signs in mind:

• Your needs are unmet.
• People always refer to you to do things.
• People do not appreciate the things you do for them.
• People contact you only when they need.

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