4 Implicit Qualities That Separate A Friend From An Acquaintance

To repel the fake friends.

Today I went to see one of my good friends from college.

We haven’t seen each other for five months and we’ve been itching to talk again. So I texted a time and place to meet and we talked for almost two and a half hours. It felt like thirty minutes.

While we ate our chicken fingers, we talked about how the people in high school would post millions of photos of them with twenty other people. ALL THE TIME.

“I just feel bad for those people sometimes.” He said.

“Me too.” As I nodded my head.

“It shows me that they feel uncomfortable being alone and that’s not healthy.” He explained.

That got me thinking, what separates a friend from an acquaintance? I know the fifty people in that photo can’t all be friends (if you do, I want to know your secret).

Here are four qualities that separate friends from acquaintances.

1. The friendship feels natural.

“Okay, let’s all get in a group and sit in a circle now so we can ask each other ice-breakers! Yay!”

*Awkward and unexcited smile*

There’s nothing wrong with getting to know people, but ice-breakers aren’t the way to go. Not only are they disingenuous, but it shows that people don’t care to get to know you, they’re just trying to force you to talk.

With real friends, the friendship doesn’t feel forced. I asked my buddy how we became friends and we both had to put our heads together to remember. That’s not because we don’t care about our friendship, it’s because it feels like we’ve been friends all our lives.

We never came up to each other and asked a random ice-breaker question to get to know each other. Everything happened gradually over time. We were in the same Japanese class, we went to a study session together, we found out we were both in the same scholarship program, and the rest is history.

If you have a real friend, you know the friendship happened organically with no forceful ice-breakers to the point where it feels like you’ve been friends all your lives.

2. They don’t ask you for money and expect it in return.

I’ll never forget when my friend paid almost twenty dollars for a subway pass for me while we were in Chicago. He also bought me a burrito at an outdoor market because I was starving and had no cash.

He didn’t ask me to pay it back because he knew I was good for it. I paid him back a few days later, but even if I waited two years to pay him back, he’d still be cool about it.

He didn’t badger me the whole trip and tell me the consequences of forgetting to repay him like acquaintances.

If they trust you to the point where they give you money and don’t expect a specific repay date, they’re a real friend.

3. They’re willing to listen to your boring stories.

I’ve told my friend way too many embarrassing stories. He has too and we both love it. We both listen to each other and we’re engaged in the conversation (sometimes too engaged, we got kicked out of a building before).

We laugh, cry, cheer, and there’s never any animosity.

When someone’s willing to listen to you tell your life story for a whole hour, you’ve got a real friend on your hands. The acquaintances will get tired after five minutes and move on to a different conversation.

4. You don’t feel alone when they’re not with you.

Being with all those people 24/7 tells me that some people feel alone inside. Now I know not everyone is like this, but if you had true friends, you’d never feel alone if they weren’t there.

I used to be that kid who was scared of sitting by herself at the lunch table because I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. Now I’m never ashamed to sit by myself. Why? Because I have true friends who’ll always be by my side no matter what.

Acquaintances are like parasites. They come and go once they’ve had they’re fun and they move on to the next friend group in the blink of an eye and that’s why you feel uncomfortable being alone.

If you have real friends, you’ll always feel like they’re with you even when you can’t see them.

Conclusion

A real friendship is when it feels natural, they don’t expect anything from you in return, they’re willing to listen, and you don’t feel alone when they’re not with you. Sure, you guys will have your occasional arguments (as all humans have), but you’ll always find a way to work it out in the end.

Meanwhile, the acquaintances will sit in their rooms wondering why they don’t have real friends.

“The realest people don’t have a lot of friends.” — Tupac Shakur