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Abstract

he had impeccable manners. He never drank beer from the bottle, always used a coaster, and played cribbage like a gentleman.Peter was the type of person that was welcome in any social circle. He was knowledgable about birds, literature, psychology, and more. But the best part about spending time with Peter was that you always felt like he was just delighted to be in your company.I noticed that one of Peter’s habits was to greet people by saying, “Hey, so-and-so, it’s really nice to see you!”It’s just a little phrase, but starting any conversation out with a little flattery puts people at ease and makes them feel relaxed and glad to be talking with you.Every time I use this phrase, I think of my friend Peter. I only say it when I mean it, but I know a lot of great people, so I mean it a lot.<h2 id="a95a">“Thank you for asking”</h2>I have another friend who has always seemed so at ease in conversation with people. When she talks to people, their faces light up with interest and the topics easily flow from one to another.I am not so lucky. When I visit with people, I have a habit of asking intense, complicated questions that leave people dumbfounded or stuck in boring small talk about traffic or the weather.When I started paying attention to my friend’s conversations, I noticed that whenever someone asked her a question, she would respond by saying, “Thank you for asking!” Then she would go on to answer the question.By acknowledging her appreciation for the person’s interest in her life, she made them feel good, which made them want to keep talking to her. Of course, she would reciprocate by asking questions of her own, which helped too.I’ve also stolen this phrase. I’ll drop it in when people ask me about my kids, my job or my venomous spider bite. It helps keep the conversation flowing and makes me feel a little less like a bull in a china shop.<h2 id="e497">“Hey, you look nice.”</h2>Several years ago, I joined the board of a n

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onprofit organization in a nearby town. I went to monthly board meetings which were run by someone who has now become my friend. Jacob never seemed flustered or uncomfortable. He ran through the agenda easily, flowing from line items in the annual budget to ice cream toppings for the sundae bar at an upcoming fundraiser.At one point, I was going to be speaking to a crowd on behalf of the organization. When I arrived at the event, Jacob met me there. He matter-of-factly said to me, “Hey, you look nice.”It was such a small, simple compliment. It wasn’t over the top or sleazy. And it helped me feel at ease and confident.Jacob gives out small compliments all the time and it’s a habit I’ve stolen from him. It feels good to get a compliment, but it also feels good to give out a compliment. I like this one because it’s hard to misinterpret and you can give it to anyone without sounding like a creep.<h2 id="94ec">“Tell me about your day”</h2>I’ve known my friend Chris for more than a decade. Every time I see him, at some point, he’ll say “So, Emily, tell me something about your day.”It’s not a question but more of a request. And one that I never mind obliging. If you ask someone how they are doing or if they are ok, you’re likely to get a one-word answer.But when you use this phrase, you are allowing someone the opportunity to tell you anything they want about their day. It’s ok to respond to a request like this with something happy, sad, important, or mundane.I’ve used this phrase many times, especially with people that are reticent to talk to me. I find that most people have interesting things to say — things that they might not tell me if I just stuck to traditional conversation starters like “Sup?”Talking to people can be hard. These phrases can’t change that. But they can at least smooth off some of the rough edges. Sometimes a string of expletive -aced insults is just the thing. But when it’s not, do what my friends do and say something nice.</article></body>

4 Handy Phrases to Help You Feel Less Awkward

Stolen from people I know who don’t have an awkward bone in their bodies.

I spent most of my 20s swearing like a sailor and practicing sarcasm like it was a religion. I did live on a boat for several years, so I’ll cut myself at least a little slack for that.

But by the time I was 30, I had gotten married, had a baby, started a respectable career as a public school teacher and the coarse, abrasive personality I’d developed didn’t feel like it fit anymore.

As I found myself in more civilized settings and in crowds where the F-bomb wasn’t exactly celebrated, I had a hard time talking to people. It felt like they had all attended charm school while I had been chugging PBRs in some back alley bar.

Over time though, I carefully observed the people who I liked being around and respected. I listened to how they talked to people and tried to figure out why they always seemed so natural and comfortable. One thing I noticed is how they used simple, meaningful phrases to make others feel welcome and at ease.

I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve swiped a few phrases and now use them regularly. I still feel awkward sometimes, but when I do, it’s nice to at least have an arsenal of things I can say that help break the tension.

Don’t worry, I didn’t give up on sarcasm entirely. I’ve just learned when to dial it back so I don’t always seem like the biggest asshole in the room.

If you sometimes feel awkward too, these phrases might help you at least sound less uncomfortable.

“Nice to see you”

My friend Peter grew up in Greenwich, Connecticut and he had impeccable manners. He never drank beer from the bottle, always used a coaster, and played cribbage like a gentleman.

Peter was the type of person that was welcome in any social circle. He was knowledgable about birds, literature, psychology, and more. But the best part about spending time with Peter was that you always felt like he was just delighted to be in your company.

I noticed that one of Peter’s habits was to greet people by saying, “Hey, so-and-so, it’s really nice to see you!”

It’s just a little phrase, but starting any conversation out with a little flattery puts people at ease and makes them feel relaxed and glad to be talking with you.

Every time I use this phrase, I think of my friend Peter. I only say it when I mean it, but I know a lot of great people, so I mean it a lot.

“Thank you for asking”

I have another friend who has always seemed so at ease in conversation with people. When she talks to people, their faces light up with interest and the topics easily flow from one to another.

I am not so lucky. When I visit with people, I have a habit of asking intense, complicated questions that leave people dumbfounded or stuck in boring small talk about traffic or the weather.

When I started paying attention to my friend’s conversations, I noticed that whenever someone asked her a question, she would respond by saying, “Thank you for asking!” Then she would go on to answer the question.

By acknowledging her appreciation for the person’s interest in her life, she made them feel good, which made them want to keep talking to her. Of course, she would reciprocate by asking questions of her own, which helped too.

I’ve also stolen this phrase. I’ll drop it in when people ask me about my kids, my job or my venomous spider bite. It helps keep the conversation flowing and makes me feel a little less like a bull in a china shop.

“Hey, you look nice.”

Several years ago, I joined the board of a nonprofit organization in a nearby town. I went to monthly board meetings which were run by someone who has now become my friend. Jacob never seemed flustered or uncomfortable. He ran through the agenda easily, flowing from line items in the annual budget to ice cream toppings for the sundae bar at an upcoming fundraiser.

At one point, I was going to be speaking to a crowd on behalf of the organization. When I arrived at the event, Jacob met me there. He matter-of-factly said to me, “Hey, you look nice.”

It was such a small, simple compliment. It wasn’t over the top or sleazy. And it helped me feel at ease and confident.

Jacob gives out small compliments all the time and it’s a habit I’ve stolen from him. It feels good to get a compliment, but it also feels good to give out a compliment. I like this one because it’s hard to misinterpret and you can give it to anyone without sounding like a creep.

“Tell me about your day”

I’ve known my friend Chris for more than a decade. Every time I see him, at some point, he’ll say “So, Emily, tell me something about your day.”

It’s not a question but more of a request. And one that I never mind obliging. If you ask someone how they are doing or if they are ok, you’re likely to get a one-word answer.

But when you use this phrase, you are allowing someone the opportunity to tell you anything they want about their day. It’s ok to respond to a request like this with something happy, sad, important, or mundane.

I’ve used this phrase many times, especially with people that are reticent to talk to me. I find that most people have interesting things to say — things that they might not tell me if I just stuck to traditional conversation starters like “Sup?”

Talking to people can be hard. These phrases can’t change that. But they can at least smooth off some of the rough edges. Sometimes a string of expletive -aced insults is just the thing. But when it’s not, do what my friends do and say something nice.