4 Easy Tips to be a “Hot Mama” in Your Thirties, Forties, and Beyond

It’s all about ignoring society’s “mandates” for mothers and matriarchs

If you asked women in their thirties and forties to tell you a little about themselves, they would likely say “I’m a mother of ___” or “I work as a ___” or “I’ve been married to ___ for ___ years.”

No one would dare say “I’m a bold, sexy woman.”

Why?

Because, perhaps, it’s a bit arrogant sounding. And you don’t have to say it. As a matter of fact, you probably shouldn’t say it.

But I do recommend you live it.

It can be all too easy to fall into the stereotypes that society perpetuates about mothers and women in their thirties and beyond. The stereotypes that say we should be either an “earth mother” or “wise old owl” who doesn’t care about her appearance because she is too busy taking care of her children or too “enlightened” to worry about outer beauty.

But this is where we make a devastating mistake. Beauty is not only skin deep. What is on the outside matters. And it matters not because of how others see us.

It matters because it’s what we see in the mirror when we look at ourselves.

The mirror tells us a story about who we are, and I want it to tell me an exciting one. One where I feel beautiful and bold and exciting.

I do not want to look in the mirror and see only see a mother, wife, or worker whose life and spark has been given over to “adulting.” And I doubt you want to see this when you look in the mirror either.

So here’s what to do to be sexy and bold and beautiful again.

Forget the middle-aged or “mommy” makeup rules.

Yes, yes, you already know the rules of makeup in your late thirties, forties, and beyond. I love the sweet way that magazines recommend “just a touch of tinted moisturizer, mascara, and a pinky-nude shade of gloss.”

Hint: that’s their way of saying you’re too old to be sexy.

And I for one want to tell them where to put their “tips”, but I can’t because proper forty-year-olds don’t say those types of words — the children might hear.

So, I’ll count to ten and be silent, but I will show them the opposite is true with my makeup. And so should you.

How?

Embrace the bold beauty of makeup.

• Wear the red lip.
• Wear the winged eyeliner.
• Wear the smoky eye.
• Wear a bit of highlighter on your cheekbones, down the bridge of your nose, or above your cupid’s bow.

Sparkle my girls. Show yourself off. It doesn’t mean you’re shallow.

It means you’re still alive. You’ve still “got it.”

And when you look in the mirror and see these truths, you’ll be amazed at what that does for your confidence, your love relationships, and even your career.

Forget the middle-aged or “mommy” hair rules.

Okay, so you’re in your thirties or forties or beyond. Once again, you’re not dead. So, don’t forget that when it comes to hair.

Who says you have to go gray naturally? Who says you can’t have long hair or a colorful streak in your hair? Who says you must wear a classic bob? Don’t get me wrong. All of these things are perfectly fine if you love the look.

But don’t “go there” because of how old you are or because of societal commands that say you must prefer respectability over desirability once you become a mom or hit middle age.

Use your hair to show off your personality and your inner vixen.

How?

• Add highlights or even a bit of vibrant color to your hair. It doesn’t have to be peacock blue or cotton candy pink, but it can be if you want. Even subtle highlights can add a glow to your face or a touch of allure that brings your locks out of “the dark ages.”
• Wear the bob, but try an angled or asymmetrical one that gives you a sleeker, more racy look.
• Do wild and curly instead of straight and well-behaved.
• Cut it all off and wear a pixie look to show off your daring. Or wear it long and do the Jessica Rabbit thing.
• If you must do the messy bun, do it right. Add cascading ringlets or fringed pieces that lie loose and dangling. It’s sexy without looking like you’re “trying too hard.”

Bottom line?

Do whatever you feel like. Age be darned. After all, colors can be reversed and hair can always be cut or grown long again.

Forget the middle-aged or “mommy “ fashion rules.

No doubt, you know the fashion rules for these years of your life. I’ll call them the four “B’s”: boring, bland, baby-friendly, or businesslike.

Throw these rules out, along with your “age-appropriate” attitude on clothes. After all, clothes can be so much fun. They can show you, and others, the different aspects of who you are — and I am certain there are other aspects to your life than mommy or matriarch.

So, respond to society’s limiting wardrobe rules with a bit of rebellion.

Here’s how:

• Wear leather or ripped jeans to show your wild side. These can be all-out rocker chic or even be paired with something “more respectable” if you need to “baby step” your way into trying a new style.
• Try heels occasionally instead of flats.
• Wear vivid colors.
• Add sparkly or eye-catching accessories such as dangling earrings or hoops.
• Show a hint of cleavage or an off the shoulder top if you feel a bit racy.
• Try adding other intriguing touches such as a hat, eye-catching belt, or scarf.

Be boho if you like. Be a rock star or a pin-up girl. Be rockabilly. Be sporty. Whatever you do, just change it up a bit. You find that each of these changes on the outside will act as a magnet that draws different aspects of your personality out of hiding.

Forget the middle-aged or “mommy” conduct rules.

“Your life. It’s over.” Or at least that’s what society whispers in your ear. It whispers you should now sacrifice your soul completely to the children you raise or resort to quiet prayer and contemplation since being fifty must mean you are only awaiting death’s cold embrace.

Crazy, right? Yes. Crazy.

You are more than just a mom. Or a number.

You are an individual and you need to remember that. Your goals and dreams and adventures do not have to be extinguished or thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.

Yes, it’s a busy life, and indeed, there are responsibilities you must perform. But I bet if you put your mind to it, you can carve out some time to embrace the things about which you are passionate.

First, you must brainstorm what activities, hobbies, and exploits you want to undertake.

Once you make your “bucket list,” here are some strategies to make them possible.

Wake up earlier or stay up later.

Sometimes in the busy chaos that is life, this may be the only way to fit in time for your goals.

Do your research.

Find a gym close to your house if you want to add exercise to your life. Find a painting class in the area if you have always wanted to make art. Find a travel agent who will help give you ideas on how you can afford that dream vacation to Rome.

Ask for help.

I’m betting you have friends or family who will take care of the children for a few hours or pick up your teen from cheer practice or marching band. Use this time to call in a few favors. It’s what friends and family do when they love someone, right?

Take some time off.

All those vacation days you’ve accumulated at work? You’ve earned them. Use them. Take a “sick” day. Take it because maybe you’re “sick” of being in a rut, “sick” of the “same old, same old,” or simply “sick” of “adulting.”

Everyone needs to be reminded that there’s more to life than the daily grind. Go exploring, watch a movie you’ve been dying to see, get your husband to take the day off and when the kids go to school, well, I bet you can plan things from there on out, can’t you?

The bottom line:

Sexy is a frame of mind. And it shouldn’t be one that magically disappears with a number or a baby. So, don’t let it.

Novelist Roman Payne says it best when he states that a “[a sexy woman] is free in her wilderness, she is a wanderess, a drop of water. She knows nothing of borders and cares nothing for rules and customs. Time for her isn’t something to fight against. Her life flows, clean, with passion, like fresh water.”

So don’t muddy your waters with outdated rules and expectations of whom others think you should be. Be “fresh water.” Be purely who you want to be. As a matter of fact, it’s time to take a dip into these waters. Right now.