4 Counterintuitive Ideas That Will Help You Live a Meaningful Life

You’ll never be satisfied, so fall in love with life’s boring stuff.

June 9, 2016.

My graduation gown caught the sun’s morning rays. Everybody rushed about like feathered chickens. All smiles and selfies.

I gripped my bachelor's degree tight.

Sixteen years of schooling, all for this moment — I looked down at the University of Toronto letterhead and the red embossed seal.

“Is this it?” I thought.

“JJ, let’s take another picture!” My friends shouted.

I pushed my doubts away.

Why You Don’t Feel Satisfied When You Achieve Your Dreams

Like you, I fantasize about living the good life.

It’s all around us, crowding our social media feeds and Youtube algorithms. Take this online course, buy this product, learn this lifehack — and you will obtain the life of your dreams.

The angle is devilishly simple:

1. I have a laptop, you have a laptop. I used to be frustrated, just like you.
2. I’m rich, you can get rich too. I’m nothing special, just like you.
3. Here’s a beautiful, exotic, tropical destination. Here’s me with a coconut. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

It looks so easy, anybody could do it.

Except that’s not the whole picture. Of course, it’s possible. But, even if they’re truly successful (and not just scamming you to fund their dreams) what you see are the highlight reels of success, not behind-the-scenes.

Behind the scenes are blood, sweat, and tears.

Mainly tears.

Prospecting sales. Losing warm leads. Building things when you have no clue whether it will succeed or not. Satisfying angry customers. Responding to negative reviews. Adapting to ever-changing market conditions…

You want to escape from suffering — but as long as you’re alive, suffering exists.

You’re married to the game. You’re never fully disconnected.

Working in paradise is still work.

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

— Some liar

Do what you love and you’ll work your ass off, but you’ll enjoy it.

You’ll be willing to suffer. Most people dull themselves with alcohol, sex, and shopping to distract themselves from work. You take a break from work by working even harder.

Everyone wants quick and easy. Nobody wants the truth.

But wait, there’s more.

Have you ever achieved a goal and thought “that’s it?”

Maybe you thought you’d be happy forever. Maybe you were certain that your problems would disappear the moment you achieved your dreams.

So why do you still feel so empty?

I remember reading a brilliant quote, “the surest way to kill your dreams is to achieve them.”

Milestones and goals are just markers of progress. They’re arbitrary.

The real secret of successful people is that there are no secrets. They’re human. Your heroes don’t achieve their personal bests every day. Most of their lives are pretty boring, just like yours.

Eat, sleep, work, repeat.

Life is Meaningless, and That’s a Good Thing

I believe that life is inherently meaningless. We are the ones who give meaning to life. There’s no objective right or wrong answer that everybody can agree on.

But there is a right or wrong answer for you. And your job is to answer it.

I studied Ethics and Philosophy at university. I thought I would find the key. I thought that by studying great thinkers, I would think my way into finding my purpose in life.

I finished university with no answers. Just more questions.

Why am I still unhappy? — I’ve graduated. I’m working a job I enjoy. I can eat ice cream whenever I want. I’m living the good life!

So why do I still want more?

I thought that if I just found my purpose, I would be happy. I wasted so much time and energy searching for something that didn’t exist.

Purpose can’t be found, it must be created.

I learned that aiming for happiness is the surest way to never be happy. Happiness is a byproduct of life. It‘s not life’s objective.

What is happiness anyway?

Is happiness a thing? You can’t give happiness to anybody, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.

Is happiness a feeling? Feelings pass like the wind.

Is happiness a goal? Goals come and go.

Some days I’m happy. Some days I’m sad. It doesn’t matter what I’ve accomplished or failed at. I’m human.

It’s a good thing that life is meaningless. You are free to live however you wish. As long as you enjoy your life, who can judge you?

Nobody cares.

You’re the one who decides whether you will live well.

Find Happiness by Not Trying to be Happy

I’m happiest when I’m fully present — When I’m 100% engaged in whatever I’m doing.

No multitasking. No distractions.

I could be cooking a meal for my loved ones. I could be running, focusing on my breath. I could be writing this article while listening to ChilledCow’s ‘’lofi hip hop radio’’.

Life’s nothing special. And that’s precisely what makes it so beautiful.

Every time I tell myself “I’ll be happy when this happens” or “I’ll be happy once I achieve this goal”… I’m always disappointed. I end up suffering because I’m not focused on the present.

Once I achieve my goals, the high is never as big as I expected.

“This is what I worked so hard for?”

Whenever I aimed at happiness, I always made the same three mistakes:

1. I was living in the future
2. I was unaware of the present.
3. I regretted my past.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

— Epicurus

By recognizing that happiness is a byproduct of life, I realized that I could be happy doing anything, anything at all.

As long as I fully engaged in my work, connected it to some higher purpose, and nurtured meaningful relationships with the people I loved — happiness would find me.

I live for the process.

Treat Life as a Craft and You’ll Find Joy Everywhere

I read too many books.

I’m the hypocrite who laughs at the Law-of-Attraction-Think-and-Grow-Rich people, even though I’m the one who’s read all those self-help books.

I shrug at the wantrepreneurs, though I’m a wantrepreneur myself — how many “top business books” have I read and never applied?

I’ve lost count.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the intersection between high achievers and creating a meaningful life:

High performers treat their fields as a craft. Experts make the difficult seem easy. They’re sly and cunning.

They know that the masses love the myth of the “divinely-inspired artist”.

Everybody wants to believe that greatness is born. Everybody wants to rationalize and justify their life choices.

“If only I had her God-given ability, I would be just like her.”

“If only I had his talent, I would be great too.”

Nobody wants to peek behind the curtain. Nobody wants to put in the work.

“Great” people are human just like you and me. They use the relaxed, public-facing persona to mask their gruelling years of hard work and dedication.

Overnight success sells.

“I start early and I stay late, day after day, year after year.

It took me 17 years and 114 days to become an overnight success.”

— Lionel Messi

Cal Newport’s book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World illustrates the benefits of treating life as a craft. By doing so, you will thrive while others quit. You will find joy in the boring, mundane reality of everyday life.

Newport shares the Quarry Worker’s Creed:

“We who cut mere stones must always think of cathedrals.”

— Cal Newport

Maybe your work doesn't seem awe-inspiring. You’re not a tech prodigy, Forbes’ entrepreneur of the year, or a social influencer with 238 million followers. But what’s boring to you might seem amazing to others.

Dream bigger. The fruits of your life might alter the fate of the universe. On the other hand, the universe might not have a future.

So what?

“Scientists who’ve been studying motivation have given us this new approach. It’s built much more around intrinsic motivation. Around the desire to do things because they matter, because we like it, they’re interesting, or part of something important.

And to my mind, that new operating system for our businesses revolves around three elements: autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

Autonomy: the urge to direct our own lives.

Mastery: the desire to get better and better at something that matters.

Purpose: the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves. “

— Daniel Pink

Whether you’re an aspiring writer, work in tech, or have no idea what you’re doing in life. You can find meaning in the daily struggle. It doesn’t matter what you do — build your life around autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

Throughout history, craftspeople did pretty mundane things. As artisans, builders, chefs… They gained mastery through deliberate practise over many years.

According to Newport, a spirit of craftsmanship helps us develop meaning in life in two ways:

1. Skill
2. Appreciation

By focusing on skill, life becomes a game. It’s a feedback loop of ever-increasing improvement. Small gains are all it takes. Maybe someone sends you a good review or praises your work. Maybe you feel you’re one step closer to making the thing you dream of making.

Skill allows us to create challenges, goals, and hold us accountable.

I’m up at 12:27 AM right now. Writing is my craft. Nothing scares me more than a blank page. But I can’t stop writing.

I wasted too many years of my life because I was afraid to hit “publish”. I’m sick of bowing to Resistance. I’m sick of using perfectionism as a code-word for fear. I don’t care if my work gets rejected or ignored.

I’ll try again tomorrow — Purposeful quantity is a sure path to quality.

Appreciation is the fruit of gratitude. Being thankful is a skill in and of itself. Be thankful for the opportunity to craft every day.

Not everybody gets the chance.

By developing an appreciation for your craft, you will learn to ride the highs and lows of success and failure. It’s easier said than done: I fail every day.

I know I shouldn’t, but I’m always checking the stats of my pieces. How many claps did I get? How many views? I’m a hypocrite, aren’t I?

Seeking validation is a waste of my time — I’m here to write, not boost my ego.

If you learn to see life as a game that you’re lucky to play, the wins and losses will simply become part of the dance.

“We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end, and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you’re dead.

But we missed the point the whole way along.

It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.”

— Alan Watts

Pop open your notebook and write three things you’re grateful for.

How can you shift your mindset so that you treat living as a craft?

How can you learn to find joy in small victories?

How can you fall in love with the boredom?

Life’s waiting.