31 Life Lessons I Have Unlearned on Turning 31

#1: Working hard doesn’t lead to success; smart work does.

You can learn anything in an instant. Once you make a habit of that learning, it becomes part of your life. I believe that every person who comes into your life teaches you something. Every situation that you encounter does too.

Unlearning some stuff can be tricky sometimes, especially when it surrounds you for the most longspun time. But for me, the more knowledge I gain, the more aware I become that society has been feeding us with lies for the longest time.

I have believed working hard will ultimately lead to success for the longest time. But I was wrong! Smart working is the key to success. I am sure if you are listening to Gary Vaynerchuk, you will agree with this.

I worked hard to build my Travel Blog for six years. I learn many things to keep it fair. I keep following and understanding Travel Bloggers around me.

But, I failed five times. Yet, I didn’t give up and tried to maintain it again and again. I even spent a considerable amount of money to get a new theme last year.

When I was traveling, significant times back in my mind was thinking about what to shoot. In which angle. Will it be suitable for my blog? I often miss the gorgeous sunset because I am busy clicking the best picture.

I still have 15,000+ pictures to sort from my Pune, Delhi, Amritsar, and Goa travel from last August, October, and December.

I was under the impression work hard would make my work looks good. I failed to understand I needed to balance the piece. I need a helping hand to work on my blog while managing my full-time Travel Planner career.

Smart work would be — working with a freelancer who could help me with photo/video editing, writing, and good knowledge of SEO.

It took me two years to convince myself that I should unlearn certain life lessons. Unlearning is a challenging process. It forces you to challenge your beliefs.

I was even a Food Reviewer and Blogger for 2.5 years. I quit because of severe food poisoning and colon parasite, which lasted for seven weeks last year in April end.

To sum up my life in short — Jack of all trades, master of none.

Recently I spent more time with myself than socializing. COVID-19 Pandemic worst-hit forced us all to stay home. So while many people around me have turned into chefs, my whole appetite scene changed. For the first time, I felt good having so many homemade meals than I ever had in my life.

On my 31st Birthday on May 24th, I decided to challenge my beliefs and unlearn 31 life lessons, which I kept listening to all these years. It’s time to put an end to it for good.

1. One man can change the world.

It takes an entire village to change the world! But it takes one man to destroy everything.

2. What will people think?

I heard those words a lot growing up, and even as a teenager, it didn’t sound right or fair that everything I did depended on what people would think.

People will always judge you, no matter what you do; it’s just how they are. However, even if people judge you for something, they will typically not act on it and confront you or react; it’s just a little thought in their head that may come and go.

The key questions to ask yourself are: What significance do they hold in your life? How have they contributed to your well-being? Are they part of your support network, and would you turn to them for help when you need it? If not, then there’s your answer!

Once you accept the fact that you can’t please everyone and people will still judge you, if that is the type of person they are, you can start to accept it and work on not worrying as much.

3. Poor diet choices while you are young do not affect you in the future.

Mixing noodles with many veggies doesn’t change how pre-cook noodles can count in a healthy diet.

4. Best education is connected to a formal educational institution.

In the past two decades, access and quality issues in educational set-up have dominated discourses in all academic and policy-related forums. School is merely a business now. They charge higher fees, and students are studying under pressure.

Skill is more valued than titles and certificates in the product-oriented industry. Moreover, you can virtually learn anything from the internet for free.

More parents are now choosing to homeschool instead of sending their children to public or private schools. Homeschoolers have the freedom to blend ideas that best meet their children’s needs.

5. Money is not everything.

You need to survive in this world, and for that, we need money; we can’t just stay on values, good manners, and humanity. We need food and other basic necessity for our survival in this world.

6. Having too much time for yourself makes you a selfish person.

No. It doesn’t. It makes you more stronger.

Having time alone allows you to focus all of your energy on what you want to focus on without worrying about anyone else. This also opens up a new door of opportunities for creative development.

It allows you to learn more about yourself, teaches you patience, and allows you to express yourself in new ways.

7. Being religious is essential for living, and it is linked to spirituality.

Religion: This is a specific set of organized beliefs and practices, usually shared by a community or group.

Spirituality: This is more of individual practice and has to do with having a sense of peace and purpose. Spirituality is when you have elevated yourself from that of a slaved mind to an empowered mind. A spiritual person knows that there is only one truth, and they are in charge of their evolution and destiny.

And it is not linked with each other. Period.

8. Success can only be measured by a luxury corner office or a high six-figure salary.

Being a nomad, traveling to many places, making art, doing multiple things, and earning as a freelancer does consider success.

9. Being a woman, multitasking is in your gene.

Multitasking is a lie! Being a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter. It can only exhaust you and leave you unsatisfied. Sometimes it is good. But practicing in everyday life is a bad thing. (I am still trying hard to unlearn this!).

Multitasking is damaging your brain. If you’re convinced that multitasking makes you super-productive, you’re wrong. It just means you backtrack a lot because you have to repeat to find out where you last left off every time you switch tasks.

10. There is the right time to get engaged, get married, or start a family. If it’s late, it will destroy everything.

I know someone close to my friend who often lectured her for having a kid before turning 25, and recently she lost her ten-year-old daughter and husband to COVID-19. She is 35 years old. ( I am sorry if you think this hurts your feelings. I am telling you a fact!).

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” — Mark Victor Hansen

11. Having anxiety or panic attacks ain’t regular.

It is normal as long as anxiety symptoms don’t become more extensive than the events that triggered them and began to interfere with your life. Suicidal thought is dangerous.

One of the most common symptoms of anxiety is excessive worrying.

Both caffeine and alcohol do make anxiety kick into overdrive. If you cannot talk with somebody about what puts you on edge, write anonymously, and pour your heart out. Journaling helps.

12. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong — Mahatma Gandhi.

I tell you, this man was so wrong in many things. I cannot start a riot here.

There always be such things in life that you won’t ever forgive because it has already got you a big visible scar that you cannot ignore. But turning hatred into violence is a bad thing.

Recently one of my cousins reached out to me, asking me to forgive him for all the damage he did to the family and me. But he said that he won’t ever be able to discuss it in person. I didn’t forgive him, but that doesn’t mean I hate him. The new beginning is good, but the scar is still visible.

13. Pakistan is a terrorist country.

What will you call the US then? Can anyone tag India as a rapist country? We fail to understand that humans kill humans, and there is nothing to do with the government or religion. It’s the human mind.

14. Always be nice to everyone even though they are wrong with you. Let karma hit them.

Honestly, I have struggled with this in my life. Say to them on their bare face what they did to you and remind them the same time will come for them and they should remember you that time.

15. You shouldn’t post it on social media; the trolls will harass you.

Are you dealing with a troll? Or are you just being overly sensitive to someone who is either mean or offering constructive criticism? Find this out first.

16. You cannot watch cartoons once you are an adult.

Watching cartoons, anyone being a kid or an adult, they aim to laugh, relax, and avoid the stress of daily life.

Listening and watching cartoons are straightforward and healthy methods to refresh our memories. Cartoons effectively convey social messages with a touch of humor.

CARTOONS ARE FOR ALL. PERIOD.

17. Tarot cards are witchcraft, and the readers are witches.

The original Tarot Cards were an Italian storytelling game. There are whole different versions of history about it on google.

But the important thing is — Tarot card readers are not witches, though sometimes you feel like they dress up like one.

Tarot doesn’t predict the future. Instead, the Tarot is a book of wisdom where each Tarot card represents energy or a situation in life.

A good deck has cards that readily bring to mind the energy or essence of that card in a way that we can quickly recognize.

Tarot tells us stories about our lives and ways we could live them better.

18. Everybody has to like you.

For most of my life, my need to be liked overshadowed all my other needs. I was always trying to manipulate perception, adapting myself to receive validation. I was so wrong this whole time.

I hang out with people even when I cannot relate to them. I let go of my beliefs and stuck to people who I thought were my friends and family.

I even diverted fake virtual traffic on my Instagram 2 years back to get attention. I know it was a big mistake.

It took time to unlearn this. I realize other people will disagree with your opinions and beliefs. Allow yourself room to grow in your thoughts and stand firm and don’t remain silent or give in to their views just because you start to feel uncomfortable.

“Instead of making decisions based on what others will approve of, start making them based on what’s right for you.” -Ilene Strauss Cohen, Ph.D.

When we tie our worth to likes from others — both real and digital — we lose ownership of our self-esteem, confidence, and all those good feelings that can help us withstand not being liked.

19. Don’t tell other people about your life struggles; they will make fun of it.

If I knew this was a wrong belief a long time ago, I would have published a book about my life struggles, and it would have had help many people then. But here I am, sharing it on this platform.

20. Where you come from defines you.

The difficulties of life have challenged everybody. Remember, you become the five people you spend the most time with. No matter where you have come from. From which background or neighborhood do you belong. In the end, who you choose to become, is who you will be.

The more you put yourself out there, the more you expose who you are and the more successes you achieve.

“If you are born poor, it’s not your mistake. But if you die poor, it’s your mistake.” — Bill Gates

21. When you are in the middle of a family gathering, serve each person at the table until they finish.

Well, don’t they have their pair of hands to serve themselves? I am sorry if I sound rude here but come on, let’s face it.

22. Every woman has been born to be a mother one day.

Do you even know parenting is one of the most stressful jobs in the universe? It’s a huge responsibility to care for a child from birth to eighteen (and possibly beyond).

And most importantly,

“Motherhood is a choice, not a predetermined obligation for being a woman. It should not even be an expectation.”

23. Life is a constant adjustment and compromise.

Wrong! Healthy compromises are acceptable. But when it comes to your personal beliefs, self-worth, and life goals, you shouldn’t make any adjustments or compromises.

24. People do change.

…But human nature doesn’t!

No matter how they turned good for the longest time, there will be an inch of old them still reside in some corner of the heart waiting to come out. And it does come out at some point in life.

25. Gossip is terrible.

Every single story that is gossiped about teaches people something.

Humans spend a large part of their social life speaking about other people’s behavior and experience and the latest things in their surroundings.

Gossiping can teach us many things, such as learning about others, learning from others' experiences, and getting new information from the stories.

Negative chatter looks at people and events and thinks about how things can go wrong.

Positive gossipers look at people and events and take a lesson about how things can go right.

Exposing yourself to positive gossip and staying away from negative chatter is key to building healthy self-esteem.

26. Watching the news is essential.

Checking facts is more important. News channels run a business and sell someone’s soul to get high TRP in a heartbeat.

27. Never leave your parents, friends, and family even though they don’t treat you well because you will need them at some point in life.

Anyone who is threatened with your mental or physical health needs to weed them out from your life, even if it is a means to end the relationship with them.

I unfriend 32 friends+families last year on Facebook because they were toxic to my life. I have also unfriended them from Instagram and deleted their phone numbers. If they are following me again on Instagram, I make sure to mute their post and stories.

My life is good without them.

28. Pink is for girls. Blue is for boys.

Gendered colors are insane, and we should stop pushing colors on children if we want a world with fewer stereotypes, less sexism, and overall less prejudice.

29. You need to invest in gold for future security purposes.

You need to invest in assets to have a constant passive income and a secure future.

30. It’s essential to stay happy and smile in front of people no matter what.

It is essential to stay mentally happy, no matter what. And if you are still forcing yourself to smile even when you are in pain, it doesn’t make you healthy; it will kill you inside. Don’t do that! Speak with someone you trust.

These are just a few lessons that I had to unlearn to lead a better life today. But, it aided in my learning and growth as a spiritual being. There are many others, and I’m sure life will ask me to unlearn a few others during the journey.

Thanks for reading! Check out more of my articles by clicking on my page.

If you enjoy reading stories on Medium and want to support me and others as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. The membership cost is $5 per month, and it will give you unlimited access to stories on Medium.

Furthermore, you can support me as a writer by buying me a coffee — https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lakhwanishweta

Stay safe, and have a great day!