Yep, this is about me, again.

300

No, not the story of the Spartans

No, part of the story of Chuck.

Spartan-like in appearance and fortitude, sparse-like in his future living arrangements and hair follicles.

I figured that, with all that has been going on with ILLUMINATION and all the messaging back and forth, I would make a special announcement.

This announcement is special to me because, well, it is.

When I stumbled upon the Publication ILLUMINATION, I had about 12 followers. Today, about a month later, I have 300, which I reached today. Did I say I reached that today?

ILLUMINATION has brought me friendships, connections, understanding of social media, kinship, better writing, better reading, and just a little grief.

All the good things, well, we know how that happened. The good Doc and all of his editors and writers. The grief, well, that happened today, due to ILLUMINATION being taken down.

Oh, and more grief because I can’t get the hell off my computer to get something done around here. I have had to pee for hours but can’t seem to break away.

You see, now that I have so many followers, I have to create a FlipBoard account, keep an eye on 74 Slack channels and 8 million messages.

I have to figure out how to get Chuck Roast a FaceBook account that makes it past their AI guards so I can post my articles to ILLUMINATION’s FB. I’ve already failed once, and that took hours.

I have to handle 3 Twitter Accounts and figure out what the hell retweet means. I have to figure out how to #hashtag and what exactly it does.

Oh, and did I mention I cannot figure out how to see Twitter conversations in which I am mentioned, so I just click on the heart icon every time.

I have to figure out how to be “wild” and funny for Kristi Keller and her podcast Wild Minds on Anchor for when she’s ready for me to be a guest, and that’s scary stuff.

Because of Kristi Keller I have decided to create my own podcast on the same network. Haven’t figured out a great name, yet. Or what the hell it’s going to be about, but it sounds like fun, and I like to hear myself speak, since I’m the only one who will talk to me. And listen to me. Oh, that sounds so pathetic.

I have to figure out how to hide my writing from my wife.

I have to. . . well, you get the picture. Lots to do.

Seriously, though, I haven’t had so much fun since I had to watch a little human come out of my wife’s vagina. Seriously, though, that wasn’t much fun.

You know, funny story. I once asked our baby doctor if it hurt to birth a baby because I heard hormones numbed the pain. She slapped me across the face and said, “Did that hurt?” I spit out my last tooth and said, “Yeth.” She said, “There’s your answer.” Man, she was mean.

Before that visit, during one of our visits to her office for a baby in the tummy check up, she asked us if we had a name for the baby, yet. We said we were still thinking about it. She said, “I named mine after a Federal park.” I said, “Jellystone?” That’s where I lost the other tooth.

Wife said, “You never learn, do you?”

Learnin’ is hard for me, man.

That’s why gettin’ 300 followers is so cool! Thanks, y’all.

Write On!

Chuck Roast is a humorist (“humourist” for those of you who like the “incorrect” spelling)for the publication Illumination, a Top Writer in Satire, and owner/editor/writer of his own Publication, Dad-Bods, which is currently sitting idle while he develops his social media skills and gains more exposure through manipulation of said social media. Here are the links to his accounts, LinkedIn, Twitter. Comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading. Write On!