30 Things That Make Me Spit Nails
A Response to Iva Ursano’s Post
I was looking for something to write about and coming up empty. Well, that was until Iva Ursano showed up in my feed with her story about 40 things that make her cringe. Check it out. It’s smart. It’s witty. It’s spot-on.:
And let’s be honest, I’m a pissy old bitch in many ways. Coming up with 40 things that make me crazy should be a walk in the park. It wasn’t. But I did come up with 30.
- Facebook Birthday Donations: I don’t care. Seriously. Why are you soliciting donations for whatever cause for your birthday and telling EVERYONE? Do you want a cookie? Do you really need someone to pat you on the head and tell you what a wonderful person you are? Yeah, that’s not me.
- Virtue Signalling: Along the same lines, people who go on social media to brag all about their good deeds. Yuck, just yuck.
- Vague Posting: “Oh God, I can’t believe what happened!” Or maybe it’s “SMH, feeling sad.” Whatever it is, these dumb statuses that say nothing but invite all to inquire piss me off. It’s nothing but attention-seeking and if you’re not 13, stop it. Stop it right now!
- People Who Don’t Pick Up After Their Pets: You have a dog. It shits. You know it. I know it. It’s been at least 10 years since we all agreed as a society that we’d pick up the poop. Pick it up. I do. You can too, you ignorant ass.
- Two-Faced People: I’m a very literal person. If you hate me, fine. If you like me, fine. What I can’t handle is the hot and cold treatment. Pick a direction and go with it.
- No Reply: Sorry, but if I call or email a business, I expect the courtesy of a reply. I’m over here trying to give you my money, the least you could do is reply to me. If you don’t, I’ll move on. And I will remember.
- Negative Nelson: You know the person. Everyone has one somewhere. That person that has nothing but complaints all the time. “Hi, Joe, how are you?” And he spews out a barrage of negativity. It could be sunny, beautiful and Jesus himself could be sitting on this clown’s shoulder, and he’d be bitching. Nope. No time.
- Winter: As a Canadian, I should be used to it. I am not. I hate it. It aggravates my arthritis. It’s cold. It’s inconvenient. Me no like.
- Poor Winter Street Clearing: Really, is it that hard? It’s Canada. We’ve had snow since the beginning of time. We should know how to clear it by now. Yet, we don’t. In one town I lived in, a disabled guy in a wheelchair I knew was literally homebound for 5 months because streets and the sidewalk weren’t cleared sufficiently for him to safely go out. Do better.
- Hunger: Again, I’m in Canada. We have food. We have a shit ton of food. There is no reason for anyone to be hungry here.
- Homelessness: Never mind all the fancy talk about studies and tax credits. If you’ve followed the federal budget, you know what I mean. People need housing here now. Roofs over heads, not conversations.
- Lateness: I’m always 10 minutes early. Maybe it’s due to my military upbringing. But to me, a perpetually late person is a control freak who has no regard for others.
- Liars: Yeah, just don’t. I can see through it. I might not waste the time to say it, but I see you.
- High School Glory: Ugggg! You know who I mean, those people who peaked in high school and now, 30 plus years later are still stuck in 1989 and are friends with all the teachers (that are still alive) and posting all sorts of pics from back in the day. Yeah, no. My life did not peak in high school, sorry if yours did.
- Dump and Run: If you disagree with me, fine. I have no issue. I’m happy to have an intelligent discussion with you. But if you drop a vile comment, then block me, how secure are you in your stance, really? Not at all.
- Dick Pics: I’ve had 37 in the past 6 days. None of which were impressive. That’s no way to engage a woman. We don’t care.
- Dr. Engineer In Nigeria: Now, I mean no disrespect to Nigeria, my ancestors come from Nigeria. I know they are a proud and resilient people who, for the most part, are decent, warm folks. I hope to visit someday. But, I am so tired of scammers hitting me up telling me they’re stuck in Nigeria. And they’re an engineer and a doctor or a minister or a God-fearing man who just “loves” how I look. Yeah, I’m not that desperate. I’m also not that dumb.
- Judgmental Women: Seriously, why do we still tear each other down? We bitch and moan about the patriarchy, but we rip on each other. Big, small, tall, short, makeup, bare-faced, who the hell cares?
- Reboots and Remakes: Get some new ideas. There have been precious few reboots or remakes that have been any good. The Connors, I’ll give you that. Also Will and Grace. The rest of it is shit. We, Gen Xers, don’t want to see bad remakes of our youth. Our kids can’t even relate. Figure out some new stuff. It’s called creativity. Try it, we did. Worked quite well.
- Kanye: Shut up! Please shut up. I get you’re feelings are hurt. I get a divorce is hard. But honey, you need help. Remember Charlie Sheen in 2011? Remember how we tired of his antics real quick? Yeah, we’re there now with you. Get the meds. Get therapy. You’re obviously smart and talented, but you need some help bud.
- Racism, Homophobia, Transphobia: It’s 2022, are we not done with this yet? What do you hate so much in yourself? What are you so afraid of that you have to hate others so much?
- Rudeness.
- Bullies
- Arrogance
- Condescension: Yeah, just don’t. The second you start talking to me like I’m an idiot, I’ll start showing you who the real idiot is. Spoiler alert, it isn’t me.
- Close talkers: Stand back, please.
- Butter on Sandwiches: Seriously, it overpowers everything else. No thanks.
- Drugs: They’ve ruined so many lives and continue to do so. I live in a city where they’re a huge problem and it sucks for everyone.
- Follow for Follow Requests: Yeah, no.
- Gossip: I really don’t care what the neighbours are doing and I don’t want to hear about it. I’m over here just trying to get through my own life.
And there you have it, 30 things that make me spit nails. What makes you crazy? I won’t tag anyone specific, but I’d love to read anyone’s list, go give it a try.
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