30, Single and Happy.

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Abstract

relationships for validation or quality of life. We make our own money and look after our own mental health and orgasms so why shouldn’t we be more selective of our partners? They must add value to our lives and as we get older, that value increases.Traditional family life can be incredible, but we have other options too. We want to travel the world, own businesses, and spend our time working on our true life’s purpose and giving back to the wider community. I obviously realise that you can have the best of both worlds, it’s just easier if you’re alone.Social media and shallow dating apps have made meeting someone an exhausting jungle full of repetative small talk and quick fixes. Sure the impersonal online aspect eliminates the fear of being rejected to your face, but its also made it easier to ghost people and move onto the next without feeling guilty. Even if you’re genuinely after a real connection, it’s difficult to create a spark when there’s a conga line of new prospects scrolling past your screen constantly. Keeping a good conversation going for more than a couple of days is rare and that makes the probability of an actual meeting pretty low.We’re educated on what healthy relationships look like, so the bar is high and as we get older the pool gets smaller. My therapist once said that she wished women would be more critical of the people they allow into their lives, becuase it would mean a lot less trauma. We would rather be single than in a bad relationship and that’s a good thing! At this age we’ve likely had enough of the wrong thing, so we’re happy to work on ourselves and wait for the right thing to come along.There’s still TIME! (Even though people around you think

Options

differently) Things can change in an instant, you could meet the love of your life tomorrow and be married and having kids in no time, so stop stressing and enjoy your time with yourself now — You may regret not appreciating this precious time later when you’re getting no sleep and your little angel is screaming at 3:00am.It’s absolutely ok to feel lonely sometimes, but remember some people feel lonely even when they’re in a relationship so don’t dwell in that feeling too long. If you’re feeling the pressure to ‘sort your life out’ start with you. Do whatever you have to do to get confident. Get out of debt, join the gym, spend time with friends and family, focus on getting that promotion and soon you’ll feel so great about yourself that you won’t even think about relationships — And we all know that’s when it happens.At the end of the day, to me, life is about being happy, and if you’re happy the way you are, don’t let societal ideals pressure you into a relationship. I am of course hopeful that I will meet my one in a million — But I won’t be unhappy in the meantime. At 30, I know myself and what I want more than ever so I have the best chance of creating a life I absolutely love. Live your life to the fullest and focus on what truly fulfills you, you won’t regret it.<figure id="0d4c"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*bAXgeQGGXgiI8rmRG4OaFA.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@olianayda?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Olia Nayda</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/happy-woman?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure></article></body>

30, Single and Happy.

Like most women in my position, I never thought I’d be here. Society tells us that by now, we should be married to the love of our life and have had children. That somehow we’ve failed in life because we haven’t achieved these rights of passage and with the biological clock ticking, the pressure can be intense.

I always look forward to the inevitable questions at family events “So you’re still not dating anyone?” and then watching their facial expression turn to disbelief with a hint of pity when I tell them that I’m happy being single. My relationship history has been a mixture of long term fizzle outs and full on toxic experiences. I have learned over the years (And after some therapy) that being in a relationship isn’t the be all and end all, and that I can be fulfilled without one.

I’m defnitely not alone in this, a surpirsing amount of my friends are in the same boat. Smart, attractive, successful, independent women who could easily find a partner and create a family life. So why are so many of us choosing not to settle down in our early to mid 20s like our parents did? I have some theories based on my experience and observation.

We are confident and independent these days and no longer rely on relationships for validation or quality of life. We make our own money and look after our own mental health and orgasms so why shouldn’t we be more selective of our partners? They must add value to our lives and as we get older, that value increases.

Traditional family life can be incredible, but we have other options too. We want to travel the world, own businesses, and spend our time working on our true life’s purpose and giving back to the wider community. I obviously realise that you can have the best of both worlds, it’s just easier if you’re alone.

Social media and shallow dating apps have made meeting someone an exhausting jungle full of repetative small talk and quick fixes. Sure the impersonal online aspect eliminates the fear of being rejected to your face, but its also made it easier to ghost people and move onto the next without feeling guilty. Even if you’re genuinely after a real connection, it’s difficult to create a spark when there’s a conga line of new prospects scrolling past your screen constantly. Keeping a good conversation going for more than a couple of days is rare and that makes the probability of an actual meeting pretty low.

We’re educated on what healthy relationships look like, so the bar is high and as we get older the pool gets smaller. My therapist once said that she wished women would be more critical of the people they allow into their lives, becuase it would mean a lot less trauma. We would rather be single than in a bad relationship and that’s a good thing! At this age we’ve likely had enough of the wrong thing, so we’re happy to work on ourselves and wait for the right thing to come along.

There’s still TIME! (Even though people around you think differently) Things can change in an instant, you could meet the love of your life tomorrow and be married and having kids in no time, so stop stressing and enjoy your time with yourself now — You may regret not appreciating this precious time later when you’re getting no sleep and your little angel is screaming at 3:00am.

It’s absolutely ok to feel lonely sometimes, but remember some people feel lonely even when they’re in a relationship so don’t dwell in that feeling too long. If you’re feeling the pressure to ‘sort your life out’ start with you. Do whatever you have to do to get confident. Get out of debt, join the gym, spend time with friends and family, focus on getting that promotion and soon you’ll feel so great about yourself that you won’t even think about relationships — And we all know that’s when it happens.

At the end of the day, to me, life is about being happy, and if you’re happy the way you are, don’t let societal ideals pressure you into a relationship. I am of course hopeful that I will meet my one in a million — But I won’t be unhappy in the meantime. At 30, I know myself and what I want more than ever so I have the best chance of creating a life I absolutely love. Live your life to the fullest and focus on what truly fulfills you, you won’t regret it.