3 Ways to Strengthen the Bonds in Our Relationships Today

Increasing connection rather than sabotaging it

Relationship conflict can cause so much trouble — but what if managing it could be easier?

What if we could choose specific actions to strengthen the bonds we share with partners, friends, family members, and colleagues?

Here are three that help us support the relationships most important to us:

Apologize: Set Things Right

Often, we breeze past things that deserve a sincere confession. Feeling uncomfortable, we may think: Maybe they weren’t offended. Perhaps they will forget. Maybe it didn’t matter. Yet of course it did.

It’s courageous to acknowledge when we:

· Lacked consideration in our words or actions

· Didn’t follow through on our promises

· Crossed boundaries

· Lied, misled, or otherwise misrepresented them (or ourselves)

· Betrayed their trust

Over time, small slights build resentment, which affects the quality of our relationships. The friendship that now feels lukewarm? Would our showing up late a number of times, letting texts go unanswered, and general carelessness have contributed to this? Undoubtedly.

An explanation, with a genuine apology, could restore its vitality.

The occasional lapse may not register, yet repeated behaviors show a pattern of thoughtlessness that wears on the receiving party. Depending on the depth of the relationship, a friendship may feel slightly dinged or wholly betrayed. Without tending to these bumps, the bond may fade.

Unless we own our poor behaviour, we can’t expect to have a friend’s trust again. They will remain suspicious. An apology goes a long way to healing the bruises.

Whether our actions were intentional or not, we can begin to repair the damage by telling the truth. That means stating how we contributed to the injury — in small or large ways — accompanied by a heartfelt apology.

Encourage: Cheer Them On

Before we go on stage, run the race, or take the test, we remember the person rooting for us. Simple words of encouragement give our hearts a leap. Someone noticing. Someone remembering. Someone setting aside their other priorities to cheer us on.

This simple act makes us feel more capable. It feeds us emotionally, if only for a few moments. It carries us forward.

Yet, we often forget how much our encouragement means to others. Our busyness diverts our attention, and we fail to notice. We may not miss major events — graduations, weddings, births. But it is often the everyday happenings we overlook.

Is our spouse hesitant about a new work project? Perhaps our words of recognition and encouragement can boost their confidence.

Is our child holding back from a possible friendship? A reminder of how much we enjoy spending time with them may propel them forward.

Does our pal expect defeat when she tries something new? Share a summary of her successes to challenge her inner narrative and give her courage.

What has been so life-giving to us is also meaningful to others. We may even change their outlook with a few words of encouragement backed by a genuine belief in their potential.

Appreciate: Show Them You Value Them

Like encouragement, appreciation comes from noticing — the little things.

We see the effort they put in to choose a gift for us or adjusted their schedule to align with ours. When they shared the last cookie in the box, we felt their generosity.

Once we notice, it’s important to voice our appreciation — share our words of gratitude and support. This positive feedback boosts another’s spirit. It reminds them that we receive their thoughtfulness and respect them.

Consider the simple gesture of receiving a wave from the driver ahead of us after we let them ease into our lane. In return, they show their appreciation by waving. We automatically think better of them than those who merely drive away.

Though a moment of appreciation feels brief, it can endure much longer. The buoyant feeling multiplies when it is someone we care about who expresses their gratefulness. It spurs us on. We want to do even more to receive this response again.

Three actions that are simple but not easy: apologize, encourage, appreciate. How much better would our relationships be if we leaned into these three?

Beth Dumey writes about a variety of topics, generally revealing insights, ironies, and perceptions. She holds master’s degrees in both Communications and Counseling Psychology.