3 Ways to Stop Your Fears From Compounding Your Anxieties
Free yourself by facing your fears
“Don’t you feel so much better?” I exclaimed to myself.
I had just gotten off the phone with a loved one. We had spent about an hour talking on the phone about a subject that I been trying to avoid for a month. It involved a loved one, and I knew deep down, I would need to confront the matter.
But what did I do? I kicked the can down the road. In fact, I didn’t just kick it, I launched it from the road to the next city.
The anxiety and stress had been building for weeks, but I had expertly suppressed the subject as if I was playing hide and seek with it, knowing I would never find the terror that I was avoiding.
The subject of the matter doesn’t matter too, since it wasn’t the content that was the issue; it was why I had been trying to push the case further down the psyche.
Psychology Today is on board for this as well, since they just as much say, “people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Each day is filled with doubt and distress due to the terror of making a mistake.”
And that was the answer I was looking for.
Don’t be afraid walking on eggshells; instead, smash it
Don’t ruffle feathers, don’t make a scene, and above all, don’t look like a fool.
Does this sound familiar to you?
For me, it does. Growing up, I tried my best not to cause trouble for my friends and love ones. Being confrontational always made me shudder, and I avoided it like the plague.
Instead, I would agree with most people and listen to their opinions. It has taken a while for me to shed this type of behavior, but I was doing no good service for me and always agreeable.
In fact, the term Groupthink comes to mind; however, it is best avoided since it “can cause people to ignore important information and can ultimately lead to poor decisions.”
Instead of always agreeing with everyone, agree with yourself first. Don’t be afraid to break little eggs along the way.
Confidence comes only from (many) mistakes
If I had to be honest, I wasn’t confident in talking to my loved one about the topic I was avoiding. I was afraid of what he would think, what he would say, and most importantly if my opinions were correct.
I wanted to be on the right side of things, and be sure that my take was not wrong. However, that also meant that I was paralyzed because deep down, I really wasn’t sure of myself. If I wasn’t sure, could I also be wrong then?
On and on, these internal conflicts I had with myself.
In the end, I would hide my insecurity and hope I wouldn’t get exposed. The only way to do this was to delay the inevitable and not confront my loved one.
Unfortunately, the more you delay, the more your anxiety compounds to the point where you can’t hold it anymore.
Have you ever experienced something like that?
I always have to keep reminding myself that to remove this anxiety, I have to open up the lever and allow the pressure to be released.
How can I do this?
By speaking my mind and presenting my point of view with confidence.
I can be wrong (maybe even really wrong), but at least I have taken the first step to believe in myself, and I can build off of that.
“Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong.” — Peter McIntyre
Keep practicing, so it won’t be a broken record
After getting off the phone, I felt so relieved that I finally confronted the issue. Luckily, the problem was resolved, and I was so glad that I didn’t have to worry about the problem anymore.
I felt lighter on my feet and laughed to myself how silly I didn’t call my loved one earlier and talked about the problem.
I had been avoiding the topic for over a month, and it could have been resolved with just a pickup of the phone and a thirty-minute conversation.
It sounds so silly if you think about it that way, but that’s what we do a lot of times. It’s hard to see how healthy having constant communication can be, since we tend to focus on the negatives and protect ourselves from facing the truth.
I know I am guilty of this all the time. However, I need to remind myself of these three truths constantly:
- Always communicate your feelings when you feel like something is off.
- Don’t try to avoid the topic. Face it headfirst as soon as you can.
- Mistakes happen. You can be on the wrong side of the argument, but that’s why you need to talk and communicate with the other party.
With these points in mind, there will always be a constant flow of opinions and ideas that you bring forth.
Rather than having it bottled up in an unhealthy manner, you will be able to refine your true self constantly.
