3 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Dreams

I tell people I’ve been freelance writing full-time since 2018. That’s true but a little misleading. As of a month ago, I’ve shifted my focus from only freelancing to also include blogging.

In terms of income, freelance writing hasn’t been working all that well for me. The reason is pretty simple: I kept changing my focus. Do I want to write for universities, businesses, or publications? Well, yes. All of the above.

But because I kept changing my focus area, my effectiveness as a marketer of my own writing business suffered. I lacked the discipline to “stick to it” and to “see it through” because I was following a moving target.

I’m not saying you can’t make changes to your business when something isn’t working for you. It’s often called “pivoting.” I believe in pivoting, but I also believe in the importance of following through. Sometimes incessant pivoting can be a form of self-sabotage. I think it has been for me, at least some of the time.

Here’s what I’ve learned about how to stop self-sabotaging and stick to your goals.

3 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Get Honest With Yourself About What You Really Want

The book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill starts with a seemingly simple step: Desire.

The first step to pursuing our dreams is to identify what those dreams are. We have to know what we really want before we can take the necessary steps to make it happen.

Hill calls it our “burning desire.” He argues that if you really want something, you’ll find a way to make it happen. I think the opposite is true too: if you’re not making it happen, maybe you don’t really want it.

In my experience, if you try to devote yourself to pursuing a goal that you’re not really passionate about, it’ll ultimately prove to be a waste of time. Hopefully, you’ll learn something along the way that can help you move forward. But to save time and frustration, it’s best to get in touch with what we really, truly desire.

Prioritize Your Goals

Oprah Winfrey said:

You can have it all. Just not all at once.

In my culture at least — the U.S. — we’re brought up to expect instant gratification. We want what we want, right now. The problem with this philosophy is that plenty of good things take time. Ofen in life, as in nature, we have to plant and cultivate seeds to see an abundance of fruit.

In practical terms, we need to prioritize our goals. I want to write self-help books. Is that going to happen this year? No. I have other goals, too. I want to develop my voice as a writer before I write a book. I want to engage with people and develop a sense of community with my writing. I want to earn money from my writing now.

These goals are not mutually exclusive, but they do require that I be conscious of my daily choices. Which goals am I prioritizing? Am I being consistent, or am I jumping around between different goals? To make meaningful progress, we need to choose one goal and stick to it. Then we’ll be ready to move on to the next goal.

Find an Accountability Partner (Or Two)

I wrote about this recently, here.

Telling someone (anyone) about our goal might inspire us to reach it. But to up the ante, it’s helpful to find an accountability partner or group. This is someone who will remind you of your priorities and encourage you in your efforts.

You can arrange an accountability group with your friends, as I have. Of course, this is most helpful when your friends are doing something similar to you, whether that’s writing, owning a business, or losing weight.

You can also hire a coach. Making the financial investment to hire someone to hold you accountable might very well keep you motivated to pursue your goals.

Either way, having someone to report your efforts to can motivate you to continue working towards your goal on days when you feel like giving up, or taking a prolonged break.

Self-sabotage is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something we all struggle with. With some intentionality and discipline, we can overcome self-sabotage by being honest with ourselves, prioritizing our goals, and finding accountability from others.

Overcoming self-sabotaging habits is often a lifelong process, but it’s worth it to begin the process now. With some good intentions and effort, we can reach our dreams — maybe not all at once, but achieving one dream at a time is worth it too.