3 Ways To Keep the Critics Out of Your Head
Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
If you’ve ever tasted success or attempted to do something great, you’ve probably come across some of the worst people on the planet. The slang term for them? Haters.
Whether it’s from a place of jealousy, insecurity, or just plain meanness, haters can really get inside your head. They’ll attack your motives. They’ll rip your methods. And if you do taste success, they’ll whisper to others how nobody really cares about what you did anyway.
Haters are the worst. But they’re also like death and taxes: basically a guarantee. You will always have someone wanting to tear you down. So how do you combat this?
In his recent book Talking to GOATs, sports reporter Jim Gray discusses a time in his career where the haters became more prevalent than ever before. He had just done a relatively contentious interview with baseball great Pete Rose. His questions were pressing, but not out of line. But many of his colleagues, baseball players, and Pete Rose fans felt Gray did cross a line. He was berated for weeks after.
Sometime after the interview aired and the critics voiced their opinions, the great actor Marlon Brando gave Jim Gray a call.
“May I offer you some advice? I have come to the point in my life where everything that they say about me is true. I hope you can get there.”
Gray wasn’t sure what Brando meant. He asked for clarification.
“When somebody says something about me on radio or TV, or when they write articles in the paper or tabloids, I don’t combat it, and I don’t try to correct it. I give no credence to any of it. I just let it become their reality. I know it’s not true, but that becomes the image that is created. It really doesn’t matter what a bunch of people I don’t know think of me. My family and my true friends know who I am.”
Basically, if people are saying false things about you or trying to tear down your image, let them. Because the opinions of those people are irrelevant.
This is probably advice you’ve heard before. And when it comes from largely successful people like Jim Gray or Marlon Brando, it’s hard to really conceive its practicality in your own life. So let’s look at one method you could use to get the haters out of your head.
- Surround yourself with a community of encouragers and truth-tellers. If you live in isolation where the only people you regularly communicate with are the voices in your head, there’s a great chance you’ll succumb to fear and doubt. For many of us, the number one hater we deal with is actually ourselves. We are our own worst critics. We need to be around people who will encourage us in our lives and in pursuit of our goals.
We don’t just need encouragers though. We also need people willing to be honest with us. If they see something that we’re doing that isn’t working or is causing some unhealthy things in our life, we need them to call us out. Surrounding yourself with “yes men” can make you think everything you do is perfect, and that’s a thin layer of ice to skate on.
2. Don’t read the comments. As a writer, I’ve learned (the hard way) to ignore many comments on articles I write that get a lot of views. Why? Because undoubtedly there are always one or two people that do nothing but rip your article to shreds. They disagree with your points, view your sources as bogus, or just want to pick a fight with someone. Hear this: you will never produce a piece of art, write a blog, design a website, or lose enough weight that makes every single person happy. It’s just not possible. Don’t spend any time intentionally looking at the feedback from the keyboard cowards who really have nothing productive to say and just want to hear their own voice. The best feedback from readers (or potential customers) you’ll receive is done privately, where these individuals will message you to tell you something they really liked about what you did or to offer a counterpoint to an argument.
3. Be a risk-taker. Taking risks inherently acknowledges a basic truth: you might fail. Fear of failure can be absolutely paralyzing. But safe people don’t change the world. Risk-takers do. Safe people fret on eggshells, worried about offending someone. Risk takers know not everyone will appreciate what they do, but they do it anyway. Taking risks helps you to acknowledge that haters aren’t going to sway you from your mission.
The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Don’t let your headspace be taken up with people who want to tear you down. You’ve got goals. You’ve got plans. Don’t go into them thinking you’ll be perfect, but enter with a sense of determination to fight through the roadblocks, celebrate the successes, and block out the haters.