3 Ways To Exercise Reflective Practice
Insight into looking back as a way of moving forward.
“We don’t learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on the experience” — John Dewey
When reflecting on certain times in your life it is easy to see your mistakes and become very critical. Why did this happen? Why did that happen? Why didn’t I do this or that?
Yet, without the lessons, there is no growth or future opportunities.
It’s human nature to wish your former self had the knowledge of your current self. “I wish I knew then what I know now.” can plague the mind.
I wish some people and situations didn’t take place. But looking back, those people and situations were placed for a specific purpose. I wouldn’t be where I am today without those people or situations.
Reflective practices are more than looking back in the rearview mirror of life.
Reflective practice is a way to be more intentional about your future, and what you’ve learned so far. It’s the ability to reflect on your actions to engage in a process of continuous learning.
If you stop learning and become unteachable, you have no potential future growth.
I recently heard a powerful quote that stuck with me. It says “what got you here, won’t get you there.” It’s by Marshall Goldsmith. And he’s saying the things you did in the past won’t work to move you toward your future goals and achievements.
It’s a compelling yet true statement.
You also can’t stop investing in yourself. The development of your skills and talents is not self-indulgent. It’s a worthwhile practice.
Be cautious not to chase down every shiny object that comes your way. Choose the most meaningful things that align the closest with your specific goals.
Reflect on what you got you where you’re at currently, and determine if you want or need to grow. The choice is yours. Chances are, you’ll need to make some alterations to get you exactly where you want to go in the future.
Isn’t it so much easier to analyze and review situations when you’re looking back on the past?
Often times, we can’t see the forest through the trees when we’re experiencing a difficult season in life. But by reflecting, we can see where we are in the forest so we can navigate to the other side with success.
Reflective practice is an essential part of developing new skills. On an even deeper level, it grows your capacity to respond to challenges, helps you make better decisions, manage your emotions, and cope with stressful situations.
Here are three ways to help develop your reflective practice skills.
#1 Reflection, Not Resolution
Resolution is absolute. It’s the reason why “new years resolutions” don’t work. It’s too broad. It’s not well defined.
For example, let's look at the statement, “I want to lose weight.” It sounds like a great goal.
But what’s your plan? How are you going to achieve that goal? What steps will you take to get you there?
Remember, what got you here won’t get you there.
The idea of losing weight sounds good and healthy, but it’s also too general. It’s a resolution most people don’t stick to because, in reality, they don’t know what to do or how to go about achieving it.
This can apply to any generalized goal. “I want to save money”, “I want to write more”, “I want to eat healthier”, “I want to travel more this year”. You get the point.
If you’ve made it a big goal for yourself, reflect on what you’ve tried in the past. Having big goals is a good thing. But what worked and what didn’t work? If something worked, did you stick with it? If it didn’t work, what made it that way?
Reflective practice is a powerful way to help you further develop what’s worked for you. It can help you focus more on the results you want, and even something you might’ve done differently.
By practicing reflection you can polish the process you want, so you can achieve your results. It helps design a way for you to learn from your mistakes without beating yourself up.
I recently did a short reflection on myself with an interview for a position I applied for.
I felt confident in the answers I provided to the three people interviewing me (there was no way of knowing ahead of time the specific questions they asked). But later in the evening, I reflected on the answers I provided. I wished I answered one specific question differently.
But if I do make it to the next phase of the interview process, I at least have an idea in my mind how to answer that one question. I’m sure I will come across it again in the future.
Reflective practice provides great insight into our learning opportunities.
#2 Reflect Upon Your Day: Only One Day at a Time
Every morning is the start of a new day. New day = new opportunities.
By allowing yourself to reflect on the events and activities of the day, you begin to discover patterns and habits. Repeated patterns and behaviors can be better noticed when you practice reflection.
If there is something you notice you didn’t like, you can make the changes so it doesn’t happen again.
If there’s something you noticed went well, and you want to repeat that experience, you can begin to include that experience into your routine.
Remember, small changes lead to big results.
While you can’t go back in time to change anything, you can learn from the process.
Reflecting each evening doesn’t have to be some long-drawn-out process. If you take 10–15 minutes, you can journal and write things down, or you can think your way through the events of the day. There is no right or wrong way to reflect. It’s your practice, so whatever works best for you.
The key is to actually practice reflection. And we unknowingly do it all the time. You may think back to “I should've said this or that” or “I could’ve helped so and so better.” That’s reflecting in its basic form.
But our brains interpret the reflecting as criticizing.
Here’s a few simple ways to reflect on your day:
- Write down 3 things that went well and 3 things that didn’t go well. For the things that went well, identify what made you feel good and how you could carry that momentum forward. For the things that didn’t go well, identify how the event or situation was an opportunity for learning and exactly what you learned.
- Talk to someone you trust about your day. Sometimes when we talk to someone close to us, they can provide valuable insight into something we may not see ourselves. They can tell us what we don’t want to tell ourselves.
- Take five minutes to quiet the mind. Sometimes our minds go into overdrive when practicing reflection. It is during the quiet and calm moments where you can find clarity in a situation.
- Do something that makes you happy. If you engage in an activity that brings you joy (a hobby, a sport, exercise, etc), your mind can do a mini-reset. When you do a mini-reset of your mind, you are releasing some happy hormones, and you can reflect with more clarity.
#3 Self-reflection as a Form of Self-care
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself” — Abraham Maslow
Self-reflection is looking inward at yourself rather than a situation or event. It’s becoming more aware of yourself and your thoughts, and the thoughts you are having. This is where we tend to hear the voice of criticism rather than the voice of reason.
Reflection is a powerful way of learning. And self-reflection is an important way of learning about yourself. As humans, we change and evolve over the course of our lives.
Self-reflection is not easy to follow at first. But with time and practice, you learn to shut down the critical voice in your mind and tune in to the learning voice.
Remember, what got you here won’t get you there.
Here are some questions you can reflect upon each day:
- What did I achieve today?
- Did I recognize and celebrate my accomplishments (regardless of how small. Little victories matter too)?
- What was my biggest lesson today?
- What will I do to make tomorrow better?
I use these are questions to help get myself out of my critical, perfectionist voice. Naturally, I want everything to be perfect. But perfectionism is an unachievable illusion.
I’ve had to reprogram my brain to recognize and accept the little wins. I’ve had to retrain my brain to reflect upon and celebrate those little wins daily.
There are even little wins in the toughest of times and situations. You need to allow yourself to reflect and recognize those wins. And this is part of self-care.
Denying yourself the experience to feel happy, successful, and that you’ve achieved a goal is bad. It’s counter-productive.
Making positive change and wanting better for yourself is not the same as being “selfish” or “self-centered.” Although some people would have you believe otherwise.
Unfortunately, I heard this throughout my life. While I may not celebrate my wins with most people (and that’s okay too), I allow myself to feel the happiness and satisfaction I achieved something good.
This is one of the greatest forms of self-care and love we can do… Give yourself permission to reflect upon and accept the success achieved.
Key Take-Aways
“Dwell not on the faults and shortcomings of others; instead, seek clarity about your own” — Buddha
Reflective practice is a way to be more intentional about your future. It’s the ability to reflect on your actions to engage in a process of continuous learning.
Reflect on what you got you where you’re at currently, and determine if you want or need to grow. What got you here, won’t get you there.
Reflective practice is an essential part of developing new skills.
There are three things you can do to help develop your reflective practice skills:
- Don’t resolve to do something, but reflect to find what has or hasn’t worked. Tweak your results for further progression.
- Take one day at a time.
- Practice self-reflection as a form of self-care.
Each day, take at least five minutes to reflect on the activities of your day. Remember that reflection is a form of mindfulness that takes practice.
If you practice daily reflection, your mind begins to silence the critical voice and become more attuned to the learning voice.
Remember to celebrate your little wins every day. The wins, regardless of size, are baby steps in action to achieving your intentions.
One of the best examples of self-care you can do is to give yourself permission to reflect upon and accept the success you’ve achieved.