3 Ways to Become More Flexible with Your Attitudes
To adapt to a constantly changing world, we all need to become better listeners and thinkers
They say that as we age, it’s likely that we’ll change to gradually morph into different people compared to when we were younger. The weariness of life and our increased knowledge and experience of the world may be a guarantee. However, it doesn’t mean we have to become intolerant of views, opinions and issues not so close to home.
The world changes at a rate that is probably unimaginable to those born forty or even thirty years ago, and social media propels that rate of change. In an age where we can all broadcast our opinions on everything, it’s important to constantly be learning and educating ourselves about the social and cultural change going on around us.
Essentially, it’s not enough to say ‘oh, they were from a different time’ or ‘in my day we said xyz, and it was okay’, or god forbid, you say something like ‘this generation is offended by everything.’ These phrases are examples of people who have the mindset that they’ve done all their hard work, and they no longer have to grow and change with the times.
I would argue we all have a social responsibility to continue to educate ourselves throughout the entirety of our lives. Otherwise, we may become more intolerant and narrow-minded. Here are three strategies that will help you avoid that.
Never Act-On instinct
It can be very easy to want to fire off a Tweet, share an angry rant on Facebook, or dismiss others' views without even listening. Many of us may get defensive and hot-headed; that’s normal. But to give space to those who have different views of ourselves, we must try to learn not to act on instinct.
“I have seen so many times when people mistakenly relied on this inner barometer they believe they were born with — a barometer they think is consistently reliable, extremely well honed and full proof, and then are shocked when they — or someone they love — are victimized.” — Mary Ellen O’Toole, Psychology Today
This will give space for others to air their views and for us to sit back and listen. It doesn’t mean that you cannot have your say, but it gives you a breather to gather your thoughts and present them more coherently — rather than being led by your instinctive (and possible offence causing) instincts.
I’m someone with many opinions, and sometimes I find it hard to ignore the rampant racism, discrimination, and poor attitudes to mental health that I see displayed online. Many times, I’ve drafted out an angry Tweet and been ready to fire it off based on my instinctive feelings. However, more recently, I’ve realised that sometimes that’s not necessarily helpful and only closes down the debate, potentially causing more polarisation.
Twitter thrives off this, but to become more understanding and aware of the nuances of every debate, it sometimes pays to take a step back in the heat of the moment.
Listen Before You speak
Listening is a hard skill that not many people can master, especially in the heat of the moment when we are driven to get our points across. But with this drive often comes the inability to listen and comprehend what others are actually saying.
If we paused to listen, our responses after that may, in fact, be more flexible and considerate as we weigh up all sides of the debate or issue. Introverts naturally make good listeners, as we often prefer to stay quiet and let others speak. But this doesn’t mean we don’t think or respond inside our own heads — it’s quite the opposite.
To become more respectful of other people and flexible with your own attitudes, it pays to develop your listening skills in social situations and online to read both sides of the story.
How to improve your listening skills (in a nutshell)
- Keep an open mind
- Don’t interrupt
- Ask questions instead of disagreeing outright
- Think before responding
- Avoid adding in your own comparisons
Essentially, being a good listener helps us to sidestep an issue and run full pelt into broadcasting our own opinion — which may end up being reductive and not fully conclusive when born from the heat of the moment.
We could all do with being better listeners and giving space to others. In the long run, it helps us gain a wider comprehension of what’s going on and how to respond in a better way.
Don’t Take Everything You See on Social Media As Gospel
Most of us spend a lot of time on social media, myself included. A large part of my day is spent on Twitter, as it functions as my main source of news and is my biggest platform as a writer and trainee journalist. But I find it hard to recognise the tone, intention, and potential sarcasm behind Tweets and other posts online.
In other words, it’s hard to interpret the full meaning behind what somebody posts without having a proper conversation with them to ask what they meant. Therefore, it pays to stop and think about what you are about to respond to before you post. There’s a lot of stuff on Twitter that isn’t true and potentially misleading, so I try not to get myself fired up too much.
We all live in our own bubbles on social media and especially on Twitter. We follow people we like or find interesting, and no two Twitter feeds are the same. So it’s rare we see alternative opinions and insights that challenge us. Social media can polarise, but it doesn’t have to polarise our own opinions and encourage us to become set in our ways.
If we all took a moment to think before we developed our opinions or responded, it could be a less polarised place.
There’s a distinction between generational differences and those who choose not to adapt and change their mindset to the world they live in. We hear a lot on the news and on social media about how this generational divide is only growing bigger, but we all play a part in making this smaller.
We need to listen more, speak less, and think more deeply. It isn’t as easy as it sounds because we live in a quick-fire, cancel-culture world, but it definitely pays to slow our reactions and challenge our own opinions and assumptions.
