3 Ways I Learned how to Deal with Anxiety

Mady’s story of experiencing and learning how to deal with extreme anxiety

Mady grew up in Portland, Oregon, the second of 5 siblings.

Mady felt like there was an expectation that she always had to be perfect. She felt like the outlier of her siblings. They were into performing arts, she wasn’t. She was always Brynna’s sister and Micah’s sister.

Mady had amazing parents and felt supported by them but at the same time, she felt there was an expectation that she needed to do what her siblings did. Her parents didn’t necessarily think that but she felt that.

Mady grew up spending most of her time at church. She learned to have multi-generational relationships. Adults understood her need for time and space and quietness as an introvert. Other kids didn’t seem to understand that. She loved having other generations speak into her life.

When Mady was in 8th grade, it was the first time she went to public school. It was awful for her and it was the first time she remembers struggling with anxiety while concurrently, not having any understanding what it was.

She would get stomach aches and have to leave school while simultaneously feeling guilty for feeling bad. Her brother slipped right into public school, was popular, and had friends immediately while she remembers crying in the middle of class, embarrassed and uncomfortable. “I didn’t have a word for what I was going through. I didn’t know how to describe it. I didn’t have feeling words to describe it, I just ‘didn’t feel well’ was all I could say.”

“Mom would pick me up from school and I didn’t have words, it was just, ‘I don’t feel good.’”

“It was so overwhelming and so lonely. I didn’t even know how to start adjusting.”

And if things couldn’t get more difficult for a 12-year-old, her grandmother and dear friend, also 12, both died within a year of one another.

But then… there was this one basketball coach who was an aid for children with special needs. “He was a giant guy, larger than life, the nicest guy. He could tell when I was upset. He would listen. He didn’t try to fix things. No one had done that. He didn’t try to come up with a solution of explanation, he just listened.”

3 Ways I Learned how to deal with Anxiety

1 — Relationships with older generations

“There was a couple I nannied for who knew me better than I knew myself. There were times I couldn’t go a day without crying and they encouraged me to find a therapist. At the time, there were weeks I couldn’t go to work or get out of bed. As I called therapist after therapist, I was told over and over again that they didn’t have room in their schedule, it only added to the hopelessness.”

“But I found natural mentorship and counseling with the couple who I was nannying for. They were like, ‘No matter where you’re at in life or what you’re going through, it’s cool, you can always be part of our family.’”

“There was another couple I was close to and the lady shared her story with me and was so open about it, even talking about the medication she was currently on. It made it easy for me to open up as well. She would sit next to me, pray with me, go for walks and she made it clear that no matter what, she was going to show up for me. She saw me. When I thought people could only see the mess, she saw through that and saw me and loved me and cared about me.”

2 — Verbal Processing

“I struggle with internalizing and holding everything in. I started to verbalize simply through the example of those caring for me. They helped me get stuff out rather than holding it in. When it’s all inside of you, there’s nothing you can do about it. I learned to write things down, journal, and find someone to talk to.”

3 — Practical Ways

“I started to take walks, and exercise, yoga, and go running.”

“When there is something going on and talking about it isn’t working or you feel stuck… try physically moving, get up, move out of your current space and into another space. It boosts endorphins, calms you down.”

“Get medication if needed. At first, I didn’t want to be on medication. I thought it was admitting something was wrong with me and that it would change who I was. I had gone 3 weeks, only eating bone broth, and had lost 50 pounds in 3 months, and I knew I needed to do something. I called my doctor and said, ‘I can’t do this by myself, I’m dying.’”

“Medication has helped me be clear enough to process. It didn’t fix me, but it’s cleared my mind to be able to think through what’s causing the anxiety. I feel more myself on the medication than off of it.”

“I can now look at why I feel the way I do, sit in that, be ok with that, and move on from that. There’s nothing wrong with being anxious and having the feelings, it’s when they control you. I now can enjoy time with people, I can be present. I have my freedom again.”