3 Ways Familiarity Increases Your Level of Attraction

Psychology tells us familiarity helps us to be more attractive by…

I’m not telling you something you don’t already know — familiarity with someone or something increases our attraction towards it.

It’s based on a psychological principle called the mere-exposure effect.

Sometimes this gets taken as — the more we see someone, the more likely it will be that their attraction towards us increases. It doesn’t quite work like that. However, psychological studies unveil more about exactly how familiarity increases our attraction.

Here are three research-backed ways we can use familiarity to increase how attractive we are.

1. It’s to Do With Our Responsiveness

There are factors within familiarity that determine how it helps us appear more attractive.

The first aspect is perceived responsiveness. This is a fancy way of saying how responsive we are to someone when interacting and whether the other person feels understood, valued and cared about.

A psychological study had multiple people, in pairs, who did not know each other interact and have conversations for a number of days. As anyone would expect, the more conversations they had over the days, the more attracted they were to each other.

But, the first factor that influenced this level of attraction was perceived responsiveness. The more responsive someone was during these conversations, the more it helped with their attraction.

Essentially, seeing someone, again and again, doesn’t in itself create this increased attraction.

We need to have responsive behaviour, show the other person we’re understanding them and show them we value them as a person.

That’s one way familiarity boosts attraction.

You can do this in so many ways:

• Ask questions to the person about the information they’re telling you.
• Look at them and acknowledge what they’re saying.
• Laugh and smile.
• Tell them how nice it was to see them again.

The list can keep on going. Just remember, the more you see someone and the more familiar you become, it doesn’t help your attraction unless you’re being responsive.

2. It’s to Do With Comfort and Satisfaction

The second factor, that was found from the same study, is simply how comfortable someone is when they’re with you and how satisfied they are about the interactions.

You can increase familiarity by repeatedly seeing someone. But if they don’t feel comfortable, or they aren’t satisfied with your conversations, then your attraction won’t increase.

It becomes a cycle. As the researchers put it:

“Familiarity promotes feeling comfortable with a new acquaintance, and as comfort increases, so does attraction. Presumably, this would occur in natural social interaction except when those interactions are aversive.”

“Increased attraction may then contribute to the likelihood that subsequent interactions would be experienced as comfortable and rewarding, adding to the likelihood of increased attraction.”

So how do you make someone feel comfortable and satisfied? The simple answer is to ask yourself this question.

What makes you feel comfortable and satisfied when you meet someone? For me (which could be similar for you too) is:

• The person smiling and acknowledging me.
• Dishing out some compliments (this never hurts).
• Respecting boundaries.
• Not asking private questions during the first few interactions.

Of course, there are more things but showcasing these traits in your repetitive interactions can help someone feel comfortable and satisfied. This can help familiarity improve your attractiveness.

3. It’s to Do With Knowing The Information

The third factor in this study was perceived knowledge.

This is concerned with — does the other person know what we’re saying and remember what we say?

In the study, they looked at perceived knowledge of the other person’s interests, family, social life and school.

Familiarity increases our attraction if we feel the other person knows and remembers the information given to them — in particular about their interests, family, social life and school.

So, the more interactions you have with someone, if we bring this information back up it can be extremely helpful with boosting attraction. You’re kind of getting the other person to think: “It’s nice they remember quite a bit about what I’ve told them about me.”

A good way to implement this factor is to simply ask about an interest, story or family member they have told you about in a previous conversation.

If you’re really savvy, when you meet them again, doing it within a group could be better. When you’ve asked a question about their family member, you can pause and turn to another person in the group and explain a bit about why you’ve asked that question as a way of ‘filling’ them in.

Again, it’s a good way to get the other person to feel that you have really listened and you know a bit about them.

Just ask yourself this question — how do you feel towards someone if a week later they ask you about one of your interests?

It’s probably a nice feeling and makes you feel appreciated they know and remember something about you.

To sum, familiarity does boost your attraction, but you need to make sure the other person perceives you to be a bit knowledgeable about them in future interactions.

Final Comments

What I’m getting at here is simply thinking, or hearing someone tell you that you can increase your attraction by seeing them over and over again, isn’t quite true.

There are factors within familiarity that determine if it will lead to an increase in attraction.

The psychological study that I’ve talked about gives us three ways familiarity increases attraction. Without these three factors, it’s hard for your attraction toward someone to increase. So, within repeated interactions with someone, keep these in mind:

You need to show you’re being responsive, understanding and value the other person.

You need to ensure they feel comfortable and satisfied with the interaction.

You need to know and remember the information being given in each interaction.

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